


Kintsugi

by StoriesbyReese



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Hurt, Post Reveal, Therapy, Trust Issues, broken trust, fight for lena, love and hate, making amends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-07-28 02:01:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 48,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20056210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StoriesbyReese/pseuds/StoriesbyReese
Summary: Lena and Kara are broken after Lena finds out Kara's secret from her brother. Lena wants to withdraw, to write off people all together, and to punish Kara/Supergirl for hurting her so deeply. But an old friend shows up in Lena's life and makes that hard for her to do. So she finds other ways to take out her pain on Kara, virtually, and in the real world. Kara meanwhile is not so willing to let go of what she and Lena had, and does everything she can to make things right between them. Will they be able to mend what's so badly broken? Or will it be to late when a crisis hits and everything is on the line?ORA story of Lena and Kara born from watching the S5 trailer a few to many times





	1. Chapter 1

For a few hours Lena didn’t have to think about everything happening in her life. She didn’t have to keep shoving her feelings into their tiny boxes over and over because they refused to remain buried. She could set it all aside and focus on something that still brought her joy, speaking to classrooms full of children about pursuing STEM education and the kinds of careers that could be had afterwards. She especially loved getting to talk to young girls and encouraging them to dream big. She was feeling good about her new presentation, confident that the kids would enjoy it and get a lot out of it, so Lena was actually smiling as she crossed the school parking lot. But that smile fell instantly as she watched Supergirl descend from the sky to land with a soft thud of leather boots on ashapt. All of her little emotional boxes exploded when Supergirl took a step towards her. Anger, hurt, betrayal, rage, it all flooded her system yet again. 

“Lena, please, I didn’t mean to....” Supergirl begged as she stretched out her hand towards Lena.

Lena had been avoiding Kara, avoiding all of them, as much as she could. She didn’t want to face them until she had a better handle on her emotions, until she could confront them without dissolving into screaming and ugly crying. She couldn’t trust herself, and that was made evident as she made a fist at her side, drawing it back, and as soon as Supergirl was within reaching letting it fly, slamming it right into the blonde’s nose with a sickening crunch. She watched as Supergirl stumbled back, and for a moment Lena felt a rush of pleasure at the trickle of blood coming from Supergirl’s nose. But that pleasure was fleeting and quickly replaced with feelings she refused to acknowledge as she stared into the stunned and hurt expression on Kara’s face. 

Sighing deeply Lena closed her eyes, took several deep breaths, and when she opened her eyes the school parking lot was gone. She now stood in her office at L-Corp, alone. Reaching up she deactivated the high tech VR contacts she was wearing just as the intercom on her desk beeped. Walking over to her chair she sat down while responding, “Yes Jess?” 

“You wanted a reminder when it was time to start getting ready, Ms. Luthor.” Came Jess’ reply. 

“Yes, thank you, Jess.” Lena managed to say in her cool, professional tone, while removing the contacts and placing them back in their case. “Have my car brought around in about an hour, oh, and go ahead with the printed materials for next week’s school programs.” 

“Yes, Ms. Luthor.” Jess responded. 

She hated the fact that she was struggling to trust even Jess, but after everything that happened with Eve, and now with Kara, Lena’s faith in everyone was shaken. After slipping her contacts case into her purse she rose from her desk chair and headed for her bathroom to change. She was dreading tonight, but she couldn’t find a way out of it that wouldn’t draw even more concerned attention from the people she was trying to distance herself from. Once she was ready she secured a few things in her office and then headed down to the waiting car that would drive her across town to a five star hotel she was fairly certain she owned, where she would watch Kara get an award for a story she’d written about Lex. Why was she putting herself through this? 

What was she doing here? Why was she sitting in this ballroom at this table with these people who lied to her? Every single one of them, her so called chosen family, had been lying to her. She had let down her defenses and let these people in, trusted them, loved them, but they couldn’t do the same for her. She was never truly one of them, was she? No matter how much it had felt as if she were. They had all kept Kara’s secret. Kara who made her so many promises about protecting her, about always being there for her, about always being on her side, and about always believing in her. Empty promises. Kara clearly didn’t believe in her, or trust her. Kara wasn’t on her side and she hadn’t protected her from being hurt, she was the cause of Lena’s pain. The pain and anger flared to life in Lena like a wildfire and she did her best to smoother it by downing the rest of the wine in her glass just as Kara Danvers began her acceptance speech for the Pulitzer she’d won for the story she wrote on how the evil Lex Luthor had nearly divided and conquered, but was stopped by love and faith and believing in the inherent goodness of people. Lena was going to vomit. 

“I need a refill.” Lena whispered sweetly to Nia before gracefully getting to her feet and walking away from the table. All eyes were on Kara as she spoke, no one would miss her if it took a little longer than it should to refill her wine glass at the bar. She didn’t notice Kara’s sparkling blue eyes tracking her through the ballroom. Nor did she notice the intrigued gaze of a dark eyed, dark haired woman who noticed her as she passed by. She was to busy asking herself the same questions she’d been asking herself, why was she still pretending these people cared about her, why was she hiding how much they had hurt her? A true Luthor would be making them all pay by now. But that’s part of her problem isn’t it? She wasn’t Luthor enough to be a proper Luthor, but to much of a Luthor to be trusted by a Super?

Lena didn’t hear the soft snapping of a camera taking pictures of her, so when the person taking those pictures spoke she jumped, starled out of her thoughts. 

“I still can’t decide if your tragically beautiful or beautifully tragic.” 

Lena blinked, her heart racing a bit from being startled. The woman was tall, slender but muscular, her hair was long, wavy, and dark brown, almost black. Her eyes were milk chocolate brown, and her skin a lightly golden tan. She wore a tailored black tux, with a white shirt with several undone buttons, and silk lapels. Her heels wrapped around her feet and ankles like greek sandals and just added to her statuesque beauty. “Donna?” 

“I was just trying to figure out how long it’s been since we’ve seen each other.” Donna replied as she fidgeted with the camera in her hands. “The look of astonishment on your face right now tells me it’s been longer than I thought.” 

For a moment Lena forgot to be angry and hurt. For a moment she forgot to think that caring for someone only led to suffering. She smiled, the first genuine smile since Lex. “Monaco.”

“Yeah, longer than I thought.” The other woman replied with a smirk as she closed some of the distance between them. 

Donna smiled at Lena, a warm smile that reminded Lena for second that before Kara Danvers she had trusted and cared for someone who had trusted and cared for her in return. And not just this surprising blast from her past, but Sam as well. Unless Sam knew about Kara. Was it possible? Had Sam been keeping Kara’s secret too? And just like that, it all came rushing back to her and Lena felt the crushing weight of betrayal all over again. 

“Hey?” Donna said as she reached out to put her hand on Lena’s arm. “You ok? You looked happy to see me and then all of a sudden you looked like I smashed your favorite lab server, again.” 

Lena slipped back into the role she’d been playing since Lex’s dying words shattered her world. She smiled, and laughed softly as she pulled an old friend into a hug. “I’m fine, Donna. I’m just so surprised to see you again after so long. What are you doing here?” 

Donna returned the hug as she replied, “Apparently I impressed someone with my work on women creating small businesses in remote countries were poverty is an epidemic, and they’re giving me an award for it.” 

Lena had been so busy dreading this whole thing she hadn’t taken the time to review the other recipients. If she had she would have recognized the name Donna Troy under the category of photojournalism essay winner. Maybe if she had she wouldn’t have been dreading tonight so much. Lena gladly returned Donna’s smile as she said, “I remember seeing that, Donna that was incredible work, worthy of recognition! I’m so happy for you.” 

The other woman simply shrugged. “I took pictures and gave them an outlet to tell their own stories.” 

“It was brilliant.” Lena insisted. “It’s actually the kind of work I would absolutely love to have at CatCo.” 

“I’d read something about you buying out Cat Grant.” Donna replied smirking. “What on earth made you do that?” 

“It was a sound investment.” Lena answered with a shrug. It had absolutely nothing to do with her ex-best friend being afraid of losing her job. She did it to keep Morgan Edge away from it. Not because of the sad puppy dog eyes Kara had while telling her what was happening. 

The pair continued to chat casually until Donna was called away to prepare to accept her own award. Before parting Lena gave the other woman her personal number so they could get together and catch up properly. Then she took her wine and went back to the table of liars just in time to hear Kara as she finished her speech by thanking her family, the people she loved most in the world. Alex was named first of course. Then before J’onn, Eliza, James, and even Cat Grant; Kara thanked Lena. “She’s my best friend, though I’m not sure that phrase really conveys just what Lena means to me. Her support and encouragement has made me a better writer, and a better person. I know Ms. Grant likes to take credit for me becoming a reporter, but honestly, I wouldn’t be standing here if not for Lena Luthor.” 

It was more than Lena could take. 

She should have just left, called for her car and had Dante take her home, but instead Lena stumbled into an empty room down the corridor from the grand ballroom. It was probably meant to be used as a changing room for brides, given the room’s amenities, but right now it was as good a place as any for her to hide. Her chest felt tight and breathing was proving difficult. She felt warm as if flushed with a fever, and yet her skin was cold and clammy to the touch. Her head was swimming, her thoughts and feelings a swirl moving to fast for her to comprehend. She felt dizzy, and her heart raced as if she’d just had to run for her very life. This had been happening a lot since her face off with Lex. If Lena were in a better state of mind and not swamped in her emotions, she would have realized they were panic attacks. Her body crying out for relief from the emotional maelstrom she was trapped in. The fact that she’d spent the last couple of weeks pretending everything was fine when she couldn’t avoid her so called friends, wasn’t helping matters. She was drinking more than she was eating, and working more than sleeping, and it was starting to show when she looked at herself in the mirror in the mornings but she simply pushed that aside. 

Standing with her back to the door Lena gripped the back of a chair as she forced herself to take several deep breaths until she was breathing normally again. She gave herself a few more moments, making sure she could march through the hotel with confidence and grace, but before she was ready she heard the door open and close softly behind her. Lena tensed up. 

“Lena?” Kara called out softly. “What’s wrong? Are you ok?” 

“Nothing’s wrong, Kara.” Lena lied, her knuckles going white as she gripped the chair with more force. “I’m fine.” 

“Something’s wrong, Lena, I can tell.” Kara said as she slowly walked towards Lena. “You’ve been avoiding us, and when I have seen you, somethings been really off.” Kara stopped a few meters away. “Did something happen with Lex? Lena? Did he hurt you?” 

Of course he hurt her! That’s what Lex does, he hurts people, uses them, manipulates them, plays mind games with them, and when they’re no longer of any use he disposes of them. But nothing Lex could ever do to her could hurt her as badly as Kara had. Whether intentional or not, which Lena still wasn’t sure about, Kara had caused her more pain than her brother or mother ever could. And because she couldn’t control that hurt at the moment, she was incapable of thinking clearly. Which is why when she felt the warmth of Kara’s hand on her arm, Lena’s reaction was to turn towards the blonde, hand raised, and smack her across the face. 

Fuck that hurt! 

Kara’s eyes went wide and her hand went to her cheek, surely not out of pain, but perhaps out of shock. “Lena.” 

“Don’t bother pretending that hurt, Kara.” Lena hissed as everything she’d been feeling since Lex told her the truth finally came bubbling up to the surface wither she wanted it to or not. She was tired, broken, and unable to hold it all back anymore. “Lex did do something, but it wasn’t him who hurt me. He told me the truth, Kara.” Kara was too stunned to stop Lena as she reached for her glasses, nor did she try and stop her as Lena pulled them off her face. Lena nearly laughed bitterly when found herself face to face with heartbreak. “Something you’ve never been able to do, Supergirl.” 

Tears were welling in Kara’s eyes, her face twisted in angst and regret. “Lena.” 

Lena couldn’t recall ever seeing so much fear in those eyes before. “Our friendship, wither it was genuine or not…” 

“Of course it was genuine, Lena!” Kara cut in. 

“Was built on a lie.” Lena continued, staring the other woman down. This woman who had walked into her office all those years ago and managed to worm her way deep into Lena’s heart. This woman who meant everything to Lena, but Lena mattered nothing to her. 

“Lena please!” Kara begged. 

Lena looked into Kara’s eyes, drank up the pain she saw in them, the hurt and fear, like it was the whiskey that allowed her to sleep at night. Then she stood up straight, took a deep breath, and said, “Go to hell, Supergirl.” 

She watched Kara’s breath hitched as she stepped past her and headed for the door. Her own eyes burned with tears as she forced herself to take each step further and further away from the blonde calling out her name. With each step Lena took her heart broke into another shattered piece. Soon those broken pieces would be to small to mend, but Lena didn’t care. What good was a heart when all it led to was pain? What good was having people in her life if all it led to was betrayal? The only person Lena needed was Lena. 

Kara was struggling to breath when Alex found her. She felt like a building had just collapsed on top of her and she couldn’t get her lungs to expand and take in air. Her whole body shook as she continued to stare down the corridor Lena had disappeared into. Her mind and heart tried desperately to figure out what the hell just happened, but neither could get a grip on anything. Lena knew. Lena knew she was Supergirl, and she hadn’t been the one to tell her. Lena knew and Lillian had been right. Lena hated her. 

“Kara?” Alex said, concern lacing her voice as she wrapped her arms around her trembling little sister. “Kara’s what’s wrong? What happened?” 

Alex had pushed her back just enough to look at her face, and for several seconds Kara looked like a fish gasping for water, but then she looked into her sister’s eyes and found the strength to say the words, “Lena knows.” The dam broke and Kara collapsed into Alex’s arms. “Lex told her and now she hates me.” 

“Oh Kara.” Alex sighed softly as she held her sister as close and as tight as she could. 

Alex needed to get Kara home, needed to get her someplace she could take care of her, but she needed Kara to calm down a little first. So for now she guided them to a loveseat and sat with her, holding her until Kara settled a little. There was a soft knock on the door she had closed, and Alex swore under her breath a bit. “Stay here, Kara.” She told her sister before getting up to see who it was. 

“Hey.” Kelly said softly, a concerned frown on her lips. “Everything ok?” 

“No.” Alex sighed as she stepped out of the room, closing the door behind her to protect her sister. “I need to take Kara home. Will you do me a favor?” 

“Of course.” Kelly replied easily, her concern growing. “Anything.” 

“Let everyone know we had to leave.” Alex said. “And tell my mom that I’ve got this, and I will call her later.”

“Of course, Alex.” Kelly nodded. “If either of you need anything, call me, ok?” 

Alex smiled at her beautiful date. “Thank you, and thank you for not asking to many questions.” 

Kelly leaned closer to kiss Alex gently. “I hope Kara’s ok.” 

“She’s not.” Alex admitted. “But I got her.” She kissed Kelly once again and was about to turn back to collect her sister, but then she stopped and said, “Tell James he needs to check in on Lena.” 

Fucking Lex Luthor. If he weren’t already dead, Alex would kill him herself. As the older siblings it was their job to guide and protect their younger siblings, not hurt them, not knowingly, and purposefully cause them pain. Alex can admit that she had her reservations about Lena in the beginning, but the more she got to know the younger woman, the more she saw a brilliant young woman with an open heart, who was a bit skittish and uncertain when it came to letting people get close. Lena had taken a risk when she allowed Kara to pull her into their circle of friends, and now she’s found out that that circle of friends had been keeping a huge secret from her. And Kara, as the center of that circle and the focus of that secret, was bearing the brunt of Lex Luthor’s desire to hurt his baby sister. Alex really needed to find a way to kill a dead man. 

It was a rough night. Kara had tried reaching out to Lena with no response, and it was all Alex could do to keep her from flying off to find Lena. “She just needs a little time and space, Kara.” But Alex knew her sister well, and knew that Kara, while wrapped like a burrito on the couch, was listening, was searching the city for the sound of her best friend’s heart beat. 

When Kara wasn’t listening, she was blaming herself for this, blaming herself for losing Lena. “I should have told her sooner.” She said softly while Alex combed her fingers through her hair as Kara rested her head on a pillow in Alex’s lap. “I should have told her years ago.” 

“You were trying to keep her safe, Kara.” Alex reminded her sister. “She was in enough danger on a daily basis being a Luthor, you didn’t want to add to that by making her a target as someone close to Supergirl.” 

“I was being selfish.” Kara said angrily as she sat up. 

“How were you being selfish?” Alex asked as she looked into her sister’s pain filled eyes.

“I just was.” Kara said, standing up from the couch and walking to her bedroom. 

Alex sighed softly and wondered if it would help to find a Lex Luthor on another Earth and kill him since she couldn’t kill the bastard causing her family so much heartache. When Eliza arrived the next morning to check on her daughters and see what happened that drove Kara away from her special night, Alex explained everything over coffee while Kara slept. “I had to make her wear the old pair of sensory headphones she keeps, the last pair you and Dad made for her when she was a kid, just so she’d sleep.” 

“The extent of that man’s evil.” Eliza said as she shook her head. “Fucking bastard.” 

“Mom!” Alex said, blinking in surprise. 

“What?” Eliza replied. “He hurt my little girl, what do you want me to call him?” The look on Alex’s face made her chuckle. “Seriously Alex, where do you think you got your mouth from?” 

Alex’s phone buzzed and as she glanced down at the screen a frown tugged at her lips as she picked it up to read the text. Sighing softly, she said, “James went to check on Lena last night. She blew up at him, broke up with him, and kicked him out.” 

“She’s isolating herself.” Kara’s tired and sad voice said as she stepped out of her bedroom. “Alex, we can’t let her do that. We can’t let her push everyone who cares about her away like this.” 

“We won’t Kara.” Alex replied as she got to her feet and walked over to her sister. She took hold of Kara’s upper arms as she looked into Kara’s painfulled eyes. “Lena is mad as hell right now. She needs a little time to cool off, to sort things out, and we’ll respect that for now. But we’re not going to give up on Lena, Kara. I promise you. We won’t give up on Lena.”

Kara nodded. She would give Lena a little time and space, she could understand needing it. She remembered what it had felt like when she’d started learning about her parents secrets, the anger and the pain caused by what she’d felt was a betrayal. But then Kara would fight, she would fight for Lena, for their relationship, and if it came down to it, which Kara prayed to Rao it wouldn’t, she would fight the darkness Lena insisted she had deep down inside. No, there would be no giving up on Lena Kieran Luthor, wither she liked it or not.


	2. Chapter 2

The hum of the gauntlet buzzed in her ears as Lena leveled her arm at just the right angle before releasing the green blast of energy at the woman standing a few feet away. She watched as Supergirl staggered back a few steps and then blasted her with a second jolt of Kryptonite energy. This time the girl of steel fell to her knees, then lurched forward, throwing out her hands to keep herself from face planting into the floor. Lena watched as Kara struggled to raise her head to look at her, her uniquely blue eyes looking at her from behind a thick layer of tears. Tears that made the hurt and betrayal in Kara’s eyes shine like gemstones. “Lena.” Kara gasped as her body trembled with excruciating pain. “Lena please. This isn’t you.” 

“Isn’t it?” Lena replies as she walks closer to Supergirl and crouches down in front of her so she they can look at each other eye to eye. “Isn’t this exactly who you expected me to be? Weren’t you just waiting for me to go full blown Luthor? Isn’t that why you didn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth Kara?” 

“No!” Kara replied as electric green energy coursed through her veins. “Lena, please, please let me explain!”

Reaching out Lena caressed Kara’s cheek as her voice took on a teasing tone. “It must be so hard, begging on your knees like this, in such a short skirt.” Then she stood and took several steps away from Kara. “No more excuses, Kara. No more lies.” 

The blast Lena unleashed hit Kara full force until the blonde collapsed to the floor. Lowering her arm to her side, Lena let her own tears fall as she stared down at Kara’s unmoving body. She didn’t even flinch when she felt a strong, long fingered hand rest firmly on her shoulder. 

“Well done, Lena my dear.” Lillian said sweetly, a huge pleased smile on her face. “Mommy’s very proud of you.” 

Lena jerked herself out of the VR simulation. She swiped her fingers over the contacts as soon as her eyes finished blinking, deactivating them, the blue swirl indication of them being on giving way to her natural jade green. Her cheeks were wet with tears, and her stomach churned painfully enough that she bolted for the bathroom to empty what little contents her stomach had in it. Once she was down to just dry heaving she cleaned herself up and returned to her office to put away the contacts and the secure laptop with her VR program on it. Then she made her way out to her living room and the bottle of two hundred dollar, twelve year old whiskey she’d left on her high tech coffee table. Sinking onto her oversized plush couch Lena reached for the bottle and poured three fingers worth of the dark amber liquid. She promptly downed it all before pouring three more fingers worth and leaning back into the deep purple accent pillows and warm gray cushions of her couch. Leaning her head back she closed her eyes and tried to focus on the burn of the liquor but it was useless. The images from her simulation kept playing out on the backs of her eyelids like a movie on a loop. With each new play through Lena gulped another mouthful of whiskey, until finally the images stopped and all she felt was numb. 

She wasn’t sure when she passed out or how long she was unconsious, all Lena knew was that if that insistent knocking didn’t stop she was going to murder someone. Forcing herself to her feet Lena staggered her way to her penthouse door, ready to tear the head off of whatever sorry son of bitch was on the other side. It was probably poor unexpecting Jess since no one could get up to the top floor of her building without getting past Dustin in the lobby first, and then the biometric scanner in the elevator. Her old phone had had an unfortunate encounter with the wall after yet another text from Kara, and Lena had emailed Jess asking her to pick up a new one for her and bring it over. That was sometime before Lena maybe killed Kara in VR, and then polished off a bottle of whiskey on her own. 

With her hand on the doorknob Lena hestatated. What if it was Kara on the other side of the door? She couldn’t let Kara see her like this. Then again, if anyone deserved to bare the full brunt of drunken Lena rage it was Kara fucking Supergirl Danvers. Pulling the door open so hard it made Lena sway and lurch forward she was all set to give Kara hell, only it wasn’t Kara who caught her as she stumbled. 

“Fuck Lena.” The familiar voice said with concern. Then there was a soft sigh. “It’s alright, I’ve got you. Come on let's get you back inside.” 

Lena blinked several times until her vision was clear enough to make out long dark hair and big brown eyes. “Donna?” 

“Yeah, sweetie, it’s me.” Donna said as she helped Lena back to her couch after kicking the door closed behind them. 

“How ‘re you ‘ere?” Lena asked, her words slurred, while slowly being lowered onto the couch. “You can’t ‘et up ‘ere. You dunna have access.”

Donna couldn’t help but laugh gently at the emergence of Lena’s hidden early childhood accent. “I have my ways around needing access.” She said while retrieving a bottle of water from the wet bar once she was sure Lena wouldn’t fall over onto the floor. “Or have you forgotten that?” 

Lena swayed a little as she stared at the woman now sitting on her coffee table directly across from her holding out an open bottle of water. It took longer than it should have for Lena to access her memories, but given her current state it wasn’t surprising. When the memories finally hit, Lena gasped. “Oh! Right!” Leaning forward to shorten some of the space between them she said, “Donna. Donna Troy. I know who you are, Donna. You told me. I’m a Luthor but you told me anyway.” Then she snorted. “Though I bet the only reason you told me was to spite your sister.” Then Lena broke down into tears. “You told me, even if it was out of spite, you told me, why couldn’t she? We were suppose to have trusted each other! But she lied to me!” 

Donna was actually a little startled. She’d seen Lena drunk before but never like this. “Fuck Lena what happened?” She asked as she moved from the coffee table to the couch beside Lena, gathering the drunken now sobbing woman up into her arms. “I saw you leave the awards ceremony, you looked really upset, but by the time I was able to come looking for you, you were gone.” Lena just continued to sob until her body suddenly went rigid and she pushed away from Donna, sprang to her feet, and bolted for what Donna was guessing was the bathroom. Getting up without any hesitation she followed her old friend. She held Lena’s hair to keep it out of the way, and placed a cold wet cloth on the back of her neck as Lena gave back the copious amounts of alcohol she’d consumed. She gave her a glass of water to rinse out her mouth when she was finished, and then helped the shorter dark haired woman to her bedroom. 

“You trusted me, didn’t you Donna?” Lena asked as she stared glassy eyed into Donna’s dark eyes. 

“Of course I did, Lena.” Donna replied as she helped Lena to sit on the side of her bed. She helped Lena change out of her soiled shirt, and slip on a t-shirt. 

Donna had trusted her. Donna had loved her once too hadn’t she? They’d been friends, two young women trying to get out of the large looming shadows of their siblings. They’d been more than friends too. Reaching out for Donna’s black sweater she fisted the soft material in both of her hands and pulled the unsuspecting woman into a sloppy kiss. 

If Lena weren’t drunk as hell and so clearly hurting over something, Donna would have gladly given in to the kiss, but Lena was in no frame of mind for making these kinds of decisions. So Donna gently pushed the other woman away. The pain in Lena’s jade green eyes was crushing and it hurt Donna to see it. “Sweetie, no.” Reaching for Lena’s face she cradled it in her hands and gently wiped away the streaming tears there with her thumbs. “You’re drunk, Lena. This isn’t a good idea.” Leaning in she placed a kiss to Lena’s forehead and then helped her to lie down. “Rest now sweetie. I can’t promise things will be better in the morning, but it’ll be a new day to try and start making them better.” 

Lena groaned. “You always were such an optimist.” 

Donna laughed gently while brushing at Lena’s hair. “Yeah, well, it’s a family trait.” 

The next morning Lena slowly began coming too, until that is, she realized that she was sludging her way into awareness. Then she instantly startled awake, and instantly regretted it. Her head spun and her stomach churned. The light seeping into her room burned her eyes, and her soft moans of protest felt like thunderclaps in her head. Pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes Lena tried to remember what happened, and why her alarm didn’t go off. She vaguely remembered throwing her phone at the wall multiple times, which would explain why that alarm didn’t go off. Then she remembered the VR session and that sent her bolting for the bathroom. She dry heaved for a few minutes and then she slipped into the shower after forcing down some advil and water. As the hot water beat down on her, more and more of the night before swam out of the whiskey haze. Lena groaned, her head falling to the cool tiles of the shower. Shit. Donna. Donna had come over, had helped her, and... “Fuck!” 

She would have to call Donna and apologize. She would call Jess and ask her to track Donna down, and she would take her out to dinner to make up for being such an ass. As soon as she felt brave enough to face her again. Lena groaned. What the hell was wrong with her? Was this how it felt to go mad? To completely lose yourself to the out of control spiraling as your life goes to shit? She needed to get it together, to get back to the young woman with big dreams she was before Kara Danvers came flying into her life on a bus. Lena snorted at herself. How had she fallen for such a lame ass excuse? 

After getting dressing Lena made her way out to her kitchen for one of the green smoothies she kept on hand in the fridge. The bottles with the red caps had been specially created with hangovers in mind, and if she were going to get through her day at all she was going to need all the help she could get. 

“I won’t bother asking how you feel.” Donna said as soon as Lena walked into the room. “Here, drink this.” 

Lena didn’t bother hiding the surprise that made her yelp softly. “You’re still here?” 

“Yeah. I wasn’t about to leave you alone, Lena.” Donna said, a look of concern clouding her face. “You drank a lot last night. I was worried about alcohol poisoning.” 

“You’re overreacting.” Lena snarked while accepting the glass of water Donna handed her. She began chugging it and then suddenly stopped and sputtered, “What is this?” 

“Pedialyte.” Donna answered. “I ran out to get it when I heard you in the shower. Finish it, it’ll help.”

Lena crinkled her nose and looked at the remaining clear liquid in the glass as if it had somehow personally insulted her. When she looked back up at Donna to protest the other woman was standing there with her arms crossed over her chest glaring at her. Lena sighed softly and finished the drink. 

“I don’t suppose you’re in the mood to eat?” Donna asked as Lena set the glass on the kitchen island. 

“God no.” Lena replied. She watched as Donna, a woman she hadn’t seen in years, moved around her kitchen as if they were still living together in college. Lena had just started her first graduate program and Donna had been a freshman undergrad. Lena had been studying alone in her little back corner of the library when she’d heard the soft sound of a camera shutter. When she looked up there stood Donna unapologetically snapping her picture while saying, “I can’t tell if you’re beautifully tragic or tragically beautiful.” Their friendship slowly grew from there, and out of that friendship a bit of something more. 

“Donna.” Lena said softly, dropping her head so her hair could fall and curtain her face as it grew warm and pink with embarrassment. “About last night, I’m sorry about…” 

“Don’t worry about it.” Donna said sincerely. 

Lena returned the warm smile Donna was giving her. “At least allow me to say thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.” Donna replied easily while shrugging her shoulders as if it were no big deal. Then she bit her lip and slowly let it slide out from between her teeth nervously. “So, do you wanna talk about whatever it is that lead to last night?” 

Lena shook her head. “Not really. I’d rather catch up with you if you have the time.” 

“Life of a freelancer, I have all the time in the world when I’m between jobs.” Donna replied warmly.

The thought came suddenly and Lena couldn’t help but like it right away. She smiled at her old friend, a look that Donna would have been familiar with. 

“Lena.” Donna said as she glared at the woman across from her. “Why are you looking at me like that? What are you thinking?” She asked. Lena smiled and Donna sighed. “Whatever thunderbolt just hit you, I’m not going to be able to say no to it am I?” 

Lena simply shook her head.

Donna groaned. “It’s a good thing you’re so freaking cute, Luthor.” 

“You never could say no to me, Troy.” Lena teased back and then laughed. And just for a moment, Lena forgot to be angry and hurt, and that she had promised herself never again. Never again would she allow someone to get close, never again would she trust someone with her emotions. But that wouldn’t be fair would it? She had had friends before Kara. She’d had Donna, Jack, Sam. Her life didn’t start and end with Kara Danvers, no matter how much it felt as if it had. 

Kara was only slightly surprised to find her sister in her kitchen when she walked out of her bedroom, fresh from the shower, but still looking kind of rough. She hadn’t slept well again, despite having gone out as Supergirl the night before with the sole purpose of tiring herself out. Her dreams were haunted by the pain and anger on Lena’s face, her words, ‘go to hell Supergirl’, echoing unendingly in Kara’s mind. That’s just what this felt like. Kara was in hell.

“I thought you had a breakfast date with Kelly?” Kara asked as she walked over to the kitchen island where Alex was pulling a large takeout box from a paper bag. 

“I did.” Alex hated seeing her sister like this, and as worried as she was about Lena, right this moment all Alex wanted to do was go kick her ass for making Kara sad. “We went to that new place on the harbor. They had the most amazing stuffed french toast I’ve ever had.” She smiled at Kara while she opened the food contain to reveal a massive waffle covered in strawberries, bananas, nutella, and whipped cream. “And waffles the side of your head.” 

Kara actually smiled a little as she asked, “Is that for me?” 

Alex pushed the waffle towards her sister before fetching mugs and the coffee pot. “I thought it might make you smile.” 

“You’re the best sister ever.” Kara said while grabbing for a fork and knife. 

“I know.” Alex replied with an easy smile. 

“Hey Alex,” Kara said once she was about a quarter way through the waffle. “You and Kelly, you really like her don’t you?” 

Alex couldn’t help but smile as she nodded. “Yeah, Kar, I really do.” 

Kara nibbled on her bottom lip while swirling a chunk of strawberry around in her whipped cream. Then she put her fork down and looked into her sister’s eyes. “Then we need to tell her about Supergirl.” 

“Kara.” Alex said gently. 

“I don’t want this secret to hurt what you’re trying to build with her, Alex.” Kara’s eyes clouded with sadness, her face twisting with regret as she pushed her sweet treat away with a sigh. “So I’m telling you that you can tell her whenever you feel is the right time, you have my permission. I don’t want this secret hurting anyone else.” 

Reaching out Alex took hold of her sister’s hand and squeezed it. Then she pushed the waffle back towards Kara. “Finish your breakfast, Kara.”


	3. Chapter 3

Sitting behind her desk Lena was lost in the scenario playing out in her mind, her eyes glowing a swirling blue as she once again indulged in fantasy rather than actually dealing with her emotions. She should have been reviewing notes for the string of morning meetings she was facing, but it was almost as if she couldn’t start her day without putting in her VR contacts and taking out her anger and betrayal on a simulated Kara, or James, or Alex. Lena wasn’t sure of the details, she hadn’t talked to anyone since the night she threw James out, but there was a time last year were Alex had acted strangely when it came to Supergirl. For several months, as Lena worked with Alex to help prove it wasn’t Supergirl who attacked the White House, and then during their search for Eve and Lex, Alex seemed different around Supergirl, and Kara for that matter. And it had Lena wondering if perhaps, for a brief moment, Alex too was unaware of Kara’s lies. So in this simulation Lena had told an unknowing Alex the truth, that Kara was Supergirl and had been lying to them both, and then watched as Alex turned on Kara. She watched the anguish play out over Kara’s features as her beloved sister blew her world apart just as Lex had done to her. Lena savored every moment of it. 

It took Jess actually coming into Lena’s office to draw her out of her fantasized revenge. She told Jess to give her ten minutes and then to send in her first appointment. Lena needed time to collect herself and to secure her VR tech. The woman she was meeting with was the heiress to Rojas Industries, and Lena didn’t want the competition getting a heads up on what she was working on. Ten minutes later Lena was sitting behind her desk in that polished, regal way of hers that said she dominated this space. She was looking over the notes of why Andrea Rojas had wanted this meeting when Jess announced their presence. Lena looked up, meeting the woman’s gaze, but did not stand until Rojas stood in front of her desk offering her hand. 

Andrea Rojas was a striking young woman with chestnut brown hair and hazel eyes. She smiled warmly. “Thank you for agreeing to this meeting, Ms. Luthor. I know it was a bit last minute.” 

Lena knew that kind of disarming smile well. She had used it herself on many occasions. Standing she accepted the other woman’s handshake. “I admit I was intrigued, Ms. Rojas.” Lena replied as she waved at the chair in front of her desk before retaking her own seat. “You said you had several propositions you’d like to discuss.” 

“I do.” Andrea nodded. “One concerns a deal involving Rojas Industries. There are rumors that L-Corp is developing next level virtual reality, and I have a project that I think could be mutually beneficial.” 

If Lena was surprised that this woman knew about her VR tech, she didn’t show it. Instead she proved that she couldn’t be so easily taken off guard by admitting she had uncommon knowledge of her own. “The project you’re referring to is your Obsidian Technology subsidiary, which you hope to announce by end of quarter, and have up and running soon after.” 

Andrea nodded. While Lena had remained unreadable, Andrea had a tell that betrayed her surprised, a slight twitch of her eyes, and tightening of her fingers as if she wished to make a fist. “I’m hoping to have Obsidian Tech in every American home by the end of the year. I want to be a true competitor to companies like Apple and Microsoft, and I think that could happen with L-Corp as a partner.” 

“Interesting.” Lena replied. “Pitch me, Ms. Rojas. Tell me why I should consider your proposal.” 

For the next forty minutes Andrea Rojas talked and Lena listened. When it came to business Lena was no fool, and something about this whole project didn’t feel right to her, but Lena kept that to herself. Rojas wouldn’t know Lena’s feelings on the matter until she made her final dissension. When Rojas was finished Lena said, “I look forward to delving into the details, Ms. Rojas. Now, what was the other thing you wished to discuss?” 

“That is a bit more of a personal project.” Andrea answered. “You of all people can understand a young woman’s desire to branch out and make a name for herself away from that of her family’s. I’ve started doing that for myself by diving into the world of media. I’ve made small foreyes into the North American market over the years, mostly with online media, and now I’m ready to take on a much larger, preferably already established presence.” 

“Ahh.” Lena said, seeing where this was going. “This is about CatCo Worldwide.” 

Andrea nodded. “I’d like to buy it.” 

“No.” Lena said easily and without hesitation. She could sell CatCo, she should, since she was distancing herself from Kara, but she didn’t want to. No matter what her personal feelings were at the moment, CatCo had been a really good investment for her business wise. She wasn’t going to give that up, no matter how angry she was at Kara Danvers. Besides, she was aware of Andrea’s style of media and she didn’t like it, she didn’t want CatCo turned into a clickbait driven new millennial wasteland, and neither would Cat Grant. “CatCo is not for sale, and let me just save you the time and effort by telling you that Cat Grant and I made it takeover proof. If I were ever to unload CatCo, it would be to return it to Cat. So, if that’s all? It’s been a pleasure, Ms. Rojas.” 

Lena had to give the other woman credit. Rojas did her best to argue Lena’s decision before finally taking her leave, but Lena stood firm. CatCo was off limits. Besides, why would she sell off CatCo before seeing where the recent changes she’d made would take it. 

Kara hadn’t heard from Lena since she stormed away from her at the awards ceremony. Her calls were going straight to voicemail, her texts were being read but un-replied too. At least it didn’t seem like Lena had completely blocked her so that was a grain of sand sized piece of hope Kara would cling too. Maybe James might have had better luck, surely Lena could understand that Supergirl wasn’t their friends’ secret to tell, and would stop taking it out on them. So she headed for James’ office rather than her own after stepping off the elevator. 

But James wasn’t in his office, a strange woman with long dark hair sat behind James’ desk. A desk, Kara noticed with a frown, oddly missing James’ baseball, his favorite camera, his coffee mug, and the framed pictures of their friends and his sister that normally took up space there. 

“Excuse me?” Kara called out, getting the woman’s attention. When the dark haired woman looked up and Kara could see her face she went a little wide eyed and awe struck. “Oh! I know you! You’re Donna Troy! Your “The Empowerment of Women Worldwide’ series is amazing! Your writing is so captivating! And the way you tell a story through your photography, it’s just, breathtaking!” 

Donna blinked but smiled as she stood and made her wave over to the other woman. “Well Ms. Danvers, please allow me to respond in kind. You’re piece on Lex Luthor was absolutely deserving of your recent Pulitzer win. I was also very impressed with your Aliens in American series, though I’m not the type of alien in which you were writing, as an immigrant to this country I could relate to the things you had to say. It was very insightful.”

Kara blushed and nervously fidgeting with her glasses. “Thank you. Are you here to see James? Um, Mr. Olsen, I mean. Oh! Are you looking to do something for CatCo? That would be wonderful! I’m positive James, err, Mr. Olsen, would jump at the chance to feature you in an upcoming issue!” 

“I’ve actually already spoken to Mr. Olsen this morning.” Donna responded easily to Kara’s excitement. “He’s well aware of the changes that have been made. Ms. Luthor and I simply haven’t made the public announcement yet.”

Suddenly all of Kara’s excitement evaporated. Lena was making changes to CatCo? She didn’t sell it did she? Could she be so mad at Kara that she’d sell CatCo with no warning? Kara’s heart pinched painfully in her chest. “Changes? What kind of changes?” 

“While CatCo Worldwide will remain under the umbrella of L-Corp, I will be running things from here on out.” Donna informed the blonde. “Also, Mr. Olsen will be returning to his previous position in the Art Dept. since I’ll be taking over as Editor and Chief.” 

“Oh.” Kara said, surprised, unsure, and yet relieved as well. Lena hadn’t sold CatCo, but it did seem as if she were washing her hands of the company. It hurt, it hurt a lot, feeling Lena pull away from her at every turn. 

Donna smiled reassuringly at Kara. “Change can be a good thing, Ms. Danvers.” Holding out her hand she added. “I am really looking forward to working with you.” 

Kara managed to return the other woman’s smile as she shook her hand. “I look forward to working with you as well, Ms. Troy.” 

As soon as she was able to Kara went in search of James. She found him and Nia in James’ old office in the Art Dept. They talked about what this new and sudden change meant, and then expressed their concerns about Lena. James hadn’t had any luck contacting her either, and he admitted to being worried about her as well. Nia offered to try, she was still the new kid in the group so maybe Lena wasn’t as mad at her as she was everyone else? Kara smiled at her, told her she was sweet, and accepted the offer. She just really wanted to make sure that Lena was ok. For a moment she even thought about calling Sam, but then she remembered she’d have to tell Sam why Lena was mad at her, and she just couldn’t face dealing with that right now. 

Kara couldn’t focus so she decided to walk to Noonan’s to get a coffee and some pastries. While she waited at the counter for her order Kara distracted herself with a little people watching. Noonan’s was busy, plenty of people around, and yet it was almost eerily quiet, the only sounds coming from the coffee machines and the speakers playing coffeehouse music. As Kara looked around she began frowning a bit. Every single person, even the ones who seemed to be with someone, were on their phones, tablets, or laptops. Shrugging it off as a millenial issue, Kara accepted her order with a smile and headed back to her office. That afternoon, an official meeting was called to make the announcement that James was out and Donna Troy was in.

The only part of Kara’s life that didn’t feel as if it were in turmoil was her Supergirl duties. She, her team, and the DEO were cleaning up what remained of the Children of Liberty, they were on the hunt for Eve Teschmacher, she gave J’onn a hand whenever he needed it, and Lillian Luthor was in the wind again, so she had plenty to keep her busy and distracted from the lack of Lena in her life. But not even that lasted long because as the days turned into weeks without a single word from Lena, Kara began feeling a little resentful towards Supergirl. There was a huge gaping hole in Kara’s life where Lena should be and the reason Lena wasn’t there was because of Supergirl. How could she not feel resentful towards the thing that took away her best friend, the person who meant so much to her, more than even Kara completely understood.

A full month had passed and Kara couldn’t take it anymore. Heading over to the L-Corp building she walked in the front door with a fierce determination to see Lena, only to be turned away by Jim, the kind old Navy Vet who worked the first security checkpoint. Ok, fine. She couldn’t get into L-Corp. She’d just go to Lena’s apartment. Dustin, the former Marine who worked the front desk, was less apologetic as he turned Kara away. Perhaps it was because it was Lena’s home and he’d seen her less guarded as she walked through the front doors, tired and heartbroken, but he seemed more protective of Lena, as if he were protecting her from a bad ex. Heartbroken and lost Kara ended up at Alien Bar. Alex had to be called to get her home safely. 

Lena knew about each and every time Kara tried to get access to her, and it only confused and angered her more. With each attempted visit, Lena dove further and further into her projects. She didn’t need Kara, or Supergirl, all she needed was her own self reliance and her tech, tech that would help everyone rely less on the things that could cause them harm, suffering, or pain. Walking over to the main work table in her computer lab, Lena hit a touch screen button on it’s surface. “Begin recording, programing test twenty-four-alpha of the L.I.L.A software.” She paused a moment to make sure her notes were recording and then said, “Computer, run L.I.L.A”

On a large screen on the wall across from Lena, the head of a featureless human female appeared, with the words Luthor (Artificial) Intelligence Life Assistant in the lower corner seconds before a woman’s computerised and accented voice spoke out from the room’s speakers. “Good afternoon, Lena. How may I assist you today?”

“Just another software test, Lila.” Lena replies. “Shall we being?” 

“Of course, Lena.” The disembodied voice replies.


	4. Chapter 4

It started out as an article idea, and if she were honest with herself, a way to distract herself from what was happening or not happening with Lena. Kara wanted to do a deep dive into the way technology was both bringing people together in ways much easier than in the past, but also isolating them from human contact and personal interactions. But the more Kara looked into it the more she noticed that something wasn’t quite right, especially when people started telling her that sometimes they got so lost in their devices that they were losing time, that there were chucks of their day missing from their memories. When she started noticing the uptick in crime, and the number of people claiming they didn’t remember doing what they were arrested for, Kara got a sinking feeling in her gut and went to Brainy, even though her first instinct had been to go to Lena for help. But Lena was still refusing to talk to her, and she was trying really hard to respect that decision, no matter how badly it hurt. 

Sitting on the sofa in her office Lena and Donna worked over lunch. Lena did her best to reassure Donna that the transition was going well, and that she had confidence that Donna could take CatCo in a new direction that would remain true to the company’s integrity while also making it more competitive with other media sources. Andrea Rojas for example, had set up in National City, and her new media app was the hottest thing in the media market. Lena couldn’t go anywhere where there were people and not see half a dozen or more using the app on their phones. Some people, she had noticed, were so into whatever they were watching, they looked almost zombie like. 

Lena laughed softly as Donna moaned about letting her talk her into this yet again. Then Donna playfully pushed Lena and scolded her for not warning her that James Olsen was her ex. After their official business was finished, the two old friends fell into easy conversation. These moments with Donna were the only breaks Lena allowed herself from her anger, and lately the only time she didn’t wish she were in her VR simulations. Donna made the real world hurt less, and Lena was grateful for that because sometimes it felt as if she were going to drown and lose herself in her pain and that scared her. 

The tv on the office wall was muted but playing the local news channel. Reaching for her bottle of kombucha tea on the coffee table, Lena noticed Donna’s attention fixed on what was playing out on screen. Turning her head towards the tv Lena watched the footage of what looked to be two green Martians fighting each other. One of the Martians was obviously J’onn, and seeing him in danger caused a rush of concern to wash through Lena. When it looked as if J’onn could have been hurt Lena sucked in a sharp breath without realizing it. 

Donna turned to look at her. “Lena? You ok?” 

Lena nodded. For a moment she felt angry with herself for reacting at all, why should she care about this person who distrusted and lied to her, but then she allowed herself to feel a bit of comforting relief because she hadn’t given into her Luthor nature. Yes, she was angry with these people she trusted and cared about who turned on her and hurt her, but she didn’t want to see them harmed, hurt, or killed. “He’s a former acquaintance.”

“How did you end up acquainted with J’onn J’onzz?” Donna questioned. 

“You know him? Lena replied, a little surprised, though she isn’t sure why given how Donna use to spend her free time. 

Donna nodded, and then glanced at the tv again. “I met him years ago when I first came to the States to live with my sister. She considered him a respected colleague, maybe even a friend.” She frowned a little then. “How do you know him?” 

“I’ve consulted with the DEO.” Lena answered. 

“Ah.” Donna nods. “Yeah, I think that’s what made my sister all huffy with him. I don’t remember her being a huge fan of the DEO.”

Lena watched Donna carefully, taking note of the tension in her body and the way she flexed her hands. When the segment was over, the Martian fight being replaced by the local weather, Lena asked, “Itching to get out there and help?” 

“Hmm?” Donna replied, returning her full attention to Lena. “Oh. No. I gave up the family business along time ago.” 

That caused Lena to raise an eyebrow. “Really? May I ask why?” 

Donna bit her lip and then leaned back against the sofa cushions. She rattled the ice in her cup around for a few moments and then said, “I met this guy. Terry. He was sweet and charming, smart and caring, a big ginger goofball.” She chuckled softly. “And I loved him.” She sighed. “Loved him enough to say yes when he asked me to marry him.” 

Lena moved closer to her friend. “Was?” 

“He was killed in an accident.” Donna said while reaching out to put her cup on the coffee table. As she did so her long sleeve inched up her arm, revealing the edge of a silver cuff bracelet. Her eye caught the glint of light off the metal and she stretched out her other arm to reveal a matching cuff. “All my skills and abilities, my powers, and I couldn’t save him. I was off saving someone else’s future while mine crashed and burned on an ocean side cliff.” With her right hand Donna reached for the cuff on her left wrist and rubbed her thumb over where her pulse point would be. “After that, my heart just wasn’t in it.”

Lena shifted even closer so she could put her arm around Donna. “I’m so sorry.” 

For several moments the two were silent. Lena offering comfort and support while Donna gladly accepted it. But then Donna needed to bring the mood back to the relaxed easiness it had been at before the news clip. “So, back to you and James Olsen.” She said with a smirk. “How did that happen? And while we’re on the subject of you love life, what ever happened with that tall, gorgeous, numbers nerd and you?” 

Lena blinked as she shifted back to her end of the sofa. “Numbers nerd?” She questioned before it sank in and she laughed. “Do you mean Sam? Oh, no, Sam and I were only ever friends. She’s in Metropolis running things for me there and raising her beautiful daughter.” 

“Really?” Donna replied, genuinely surprised. “She’s stunning, Lena! We have marble statues of goddesses back home that she’d put to shame. She wouldn’t happen to be single would she?” 

“Donna.” Lena chuckled while shaking her head. 

“Ok, so what about the handsome curing cancer in his garage guy?” Donna asked next. 

“Jack.” Lena said his name softly, her mind flickering back to when she’d made the choice to save Supergirl, to save Kara, over Jack. Under the pain and anger, there was no regret, which surprised Lena. As much as losing Jack had hurt, as much as she still missed her friend, and despite the pain she was in now because of Kara, Lena knew without doubt she had made the right choice and would do it again. “He died a few years ago in an accident. A new tech experiment gone bad.” 

Reaching out Donna wrapped her fingers around Lena’s hand. “I’m sorry.” 

They kept their conversation after that light and casual, trying really hard not to step on any more emotional landmines. When it was time for Donna to leave and return to CatCo, the pair hugged and Donna let out yet another moan of, “I can’t believe you talked me into a corporate desk job, Luthor.” 

Lena laughed. “It’ll be good for you, Troy. Who knows, you might actually like having a home in one place for a change.” 

“Putting down roots?” Donna moaned. “Gods, Lena, you sound like my sister. Stop that!” 

The pair were just pulling out of their hug when there was a tap on the glass of Lena’s open balcony door. They both turned to see Supergirl standing there. Lena caught a flicker of something cross the blonde’s face, a pinch at her eyes that fed the part of Lena that wanted to hurt Kara back. Did her former best friend not like seeing her having lunch with and hugging someone else? Good. 

“Ms. Luthor.” Supergirl said by way of greeting. While Brainy was a twelfth level intellect, their primitive (to him) technology sometimes baffled him. So Kara’s instinct to get Lena’s help had been validated, and while Kara Danvers couldn’t get through the front door, Lena hadn’t prevented Supergirl from accessing the balcony. “I apologize for intruding, but there’s something I need to talk to you about. ”

“No.” Lena said firmly, not willing to listen, and wishing Kara would just leave because seeing her hurt Lena’s heart. “As you can see I am in the middle of something.” 

Kara’s eyes flickered between the two dark haired women, her new boss and her best friend, before settling squarely on Lena. It had been far too long since she and Lena had seen each other, and Kara was struggling to keep up her Supergirl persona. She needed to talk to Lena, to explain, to reassure her that she’d never meant to hurt her, and that she wasn’t going to give up on them. But that wasn’t really what had brought her here, right? She’d come to speak to Lena on a professional level, hadn’t she? “I really do need to speak to you about something, Ms. Luthor. It could be of some importance.”

“I have nothing to say to you, Supergirl!” Lena insisted, though she did surprise herself by playing along with Kara’s Supergirl act. “And I have no interest in hearing anything you have to say, so you might as well just leave.” 

When Supergirl took a step closer, Lena took two steps back. Seeing this and the look of anguish on her friend’s face, Donna reached out with her gods given speed, catching the Kryptonian’s wrist in her hand, and stepping between them. She saw Supergirl’s eyes widen in shock as she applied pressure to the hold, squeezing hard enough to make a point.

Donna’s hold on her wrist was tight enough to cause Kara discomfort edging on pain. How? How was that even possible? Kara looked into Donna’s dark eyes with astonishment in her own. 

Donna smirked at the look on Supergirl’s face. “You might be super, hon, but I’m a wonder.” She put emphasis on the word wonder, and the blonde’s sharp intake of breath told Donna she understood. “Now, I believe Ms. Luthor asked you to leave, Supergirl. Perhaps try making an appointment next time.” 

Looking over Donna’s shoulder Kara caught Lena’s eye and said, “There may be an issue that you could help the DEO with, Ms. Luthor, a tech issue. If you have a moment please reach out to Agent Dox.” 

Lena looked confused. Help with a tech issue? Was Kara really reaching out to her for help? Then Lena felt disappointment. Was asking for tech advice the only reason Kara had come? Once Supergirl was gone Lena sighed and turned to Donna. “Thank you, though I’m not sure I completely understood that little exchange between you two.” 

“My sister is the only person on Earth that can kick her cousin’s ass, well, aside from Supergirl herself, I suppose. I think I remember seeing that on the news once.” She shrugged, smiled, and then asked, “So you’re on the outs with Supergirl?” She raised her brow in a comical way. “That’s a little cliche isn’t it? I mean, a Luthor and a Super having beef?” 

“I suppose it is.” Lena said with a shrug. “But it’s nothing like what was going on between Lex and Superman. Lex hated that someone in this world was more powerful than him, and that perhaps Superman would challenge him when it came to his plans for world domination. Supergirl’s just a lying cunt.” 

Donna whistled and then her eyes went a little wide as she remembered the night she’d found Lena blackout drunk. “Oh! She’s the one who didn’t trust you enough to tell you something, and I’m guessing it has to do with her true identity?” 

“How did you…” Lena began, eyes a little wide. 

“Drunk Lena.” Donna answered before Lena could even finish. Lena groaned. “If sober Lena wants to talk about it, I'm here. You know I have a unique perspective on the matter.” Reaching up she gently poked Lena’s shoulder. “Oh, and just so you know, I didn’t tell you about who I was or what I could do out of spite, or to piss of my sister. I told you because I wanted too, because you were my friend and I wanted you to know. I needed someone outside that world to talk to, and you were that for me. ”

Lena sighed, and then she narrowed her eyes at Donna. “Do you know who she is?” 

“Who? Supergirl?” Donna said with a shake of her head. “Nope. The girl of steel and I don’t really have the same social circles. She’s way to sunny and peppy for my tastes. My old crew tended to be darker with far more issues.” 

Lena made a mental note to be careful when talking about Supergirl so she wouldn’t out her to Donna, but before she could analyze that choice she chuckled. “Darker issues, no wonder you and I clicked all those years ago.” 

“Despite all the black make up, and the pricings, and the goth clothes you wore back then, you weren’t ever as dark as you think.” Donna told her friend. “You have a pure heart, Lena.”

If Donna knew the kinds of things Lena played out in her VR world, she wouldn't think that about her. 

Kara flew straight back to the DEO so she could access their recorders. Donna Troy had powers. And the veiled threat she’d made about being a wonder? Could she be linked to that woman Kal use to work with? She needed to know more, she needed to make sure that Lena was safe around this woman. This woman who was having lunch with Lena, hugging Lena, protecting Lena! Those were her things to do! Who the hell was this woman to be replacing her in her Lena’s life?   
When Kara came up short at the DEO she decided to see if J’onn could be of some help. So she flew over to his office and then spent twenty minutes ranting about Donna Troy, and how she needed to keep Lena safe even if Lena was mad at her. 

“Of course you wouldn’t find her in the DEO’s database.” J’onn told her once she’d stopped rambling. “Donna Troy isn’t an alien, Kara. She’s human.” 

“She’s strong enough to make me feel the vice grip she had on my wrist J’onn.” Kara argued. “How is she human?” 

“She and he sister are Amazons.” J’onn explained. “They’re powers aren’t extraterrestrial, they’re more mystical in nature.” 

“So she is linked to Kal’s friend?” Kara questioned. 

J’onn nodded. “She’s Diana’s younger sister.” 

Kara sighed and sank into a chair. “So, she’s not a threat?” 

“No.” J’onn answered. “I don’t believe she is.” 

“Good. That’s good. Lena’s safe.” Kara said, a little sadly. Donna wasn’t a threat to Lena, that was good. But it also meant that Kara didn’t really need to protect Lena from her, which meant Donna was free and clear to continue filling a place in Lena’s life that was supposed to be Kara’s. “Wonderful.”


	5. Chapter 5

George Frideric Handel’s Keyboard Suite in D Minor, HWV 437: III. Sarabande played softly from embedded speakers around the room. It’s dark undertones the only sound filling the warm and luxurious space, not even the popping and crackling of the fire in the black marble fireplace could compete. Then suddenly, long after the last word had been uttered, the peacefulness of the space was broken by a thunderclap of words and emotion. 

“I don’t want to kill Supergirl!” Lena insisted as she looked up from the chess board to glare at her mother. Then she took a deep breath before continuing in a much softer, but strainted tone. “I just want her to experience the same hurt that she inflicted on me.” 

Lillian sat back in her plush red chair, a stark contrast and pop of color in a room full of various shades of warm chocolate, while swirling the ice and brandy around the bottom of her glass as she watched her daughter closely. “Then agree to the offer that Andrea Rojas made you. Sell CatCo to her, and form a partnership with Rojas Industries.” 

“No.” Lena replied firmly and with a shake of her head while moving her white piece on the board and placing her mother in check. “I don’t trust her or her company.”

“What do you trust these days, darling?” Lillian asked, still watching Lena closely. 

Lena hesitated for a moment, clearly struggling with her thoughts and emotions. She kept telling herself one thing, but doing the exact opposite. She was done with people, with letting people get close, letting them into her life and past her walls. But then she would agree to meet Donna for lunch, or spend an hour facetiming with Sam while they drank wine and talked, or make arrangements for Ruby to meet the U.S. Women’s soccer team, or make a move in her ongoing email chess game with Brainy. Standing suddenly, Lena walked across the room to the wetbar. She set her empty tumbler down and put more ice and brandy in it as she spoke. “I trust in technology, my technology. Technology isn’t governed by feelings. It doesn’t feel anger, hurt, sadness, or rage. It doesn’t make you promises and then betray you, and it doesn’t tell you that it trusts you when it doesn’t.” 

“That isn’t who you are, Lena.” Lillian said as she set aside her glass and stood as well. She walked over to stand beside her daughter, turning the girl so she could look down into Lena’s pain filled eyes. “Up here,” She tapped Lena’s forehead. “You’re all Luthor; cunning, brilliant, ambitious.” Lowering her hand Lillian placed it over Lena’s heart. “But the core of who you are, despite my best efforts to steer you away from it, lays here. Which is why you’re in so much pain. I did try to warn you darling, but you simply refused to be raised jaded, bitter, and self righteous.” 

“Good thing for you that I am none of those things, Mother.” Lena huffed up at the taller woman. “Otherwise you would be back in a deep dark forgotten hole somewhere rather than being on house arrest in a million dollar penthouse.” 

“A gilded cage is still a cage, sweetheart.” Lillian replied. “Though I will admit it was nice of you to use your boon with the new administration to upgrade my accommodations.” She smiled, it was a bit of the old twisted Liliian Luthor smile, as she said, “Though I do wonder how your friends at the DEO will feel when they find out.” 

“They’re not my friends!” Lena snapped. “Not anymore.”

“Whatever you say Lena dear.” Lillian replied, still smirking. “All I’m saying is that when they find out that you have me hidden away in a top secret penthouse, and that you visit me regularly it might make your eventual reconciliation a little bumpy. Not to mention the fact that I highly doubt they’ll understand you shooting your brother and then leaving him for dead.” 

“There will not be a reconciliation, Mother.” Lena growled before downing her drink and slamming the glass on the bartop to pour another. “And you damn well know that Lex needed to die. Fuck, Mother, you tried killing him youself!” 

“Language Lena!” Lillian scolded sharply. “For gods sake, you have breeding, use it. And I fully understand why you killed Lex, but that doesn’t mean your bleeding heart friends will.” Lillian softened her voice until it was almost sweet, her tone taking on that pleasant sound mothers used with cranky stubborn children. “You’re not going to be able to stay this angry with Kara forever, Lena. And when you two inevitably reconcile you will have to deal with what went down between you and Lex.” 

Lena grunted softly and then snipped at her mother. “Why the hell are you so insistent that Kara and I will ever reconcile, Mother? You have done nothing these past few years but try and kill her! And every other alien on the planet.” 

“Because, my dear darling daughter, you’re in love with her.” Lillian laughed and shook her head. “Actually, that played a part in my trying to kill her now that I think about it.” 

Lena came to a crashing halt. Her brian shorted out, her heart fumbled it’s beats, and her lungs refused to expand. In love with Kara? Had her mother gone mad? She wasn’t in love with Kara! Was she? No! Of course not! Lena laughed a sharp bitter sounding laugh. “I am not in love with Kara Danvers.” 

Patting Lena’s cheek Lillian sighed softly. “You were a kitten raised in a pit of vipers, Lena. Lex telling you the truth the way he did, was the last venomous strike of a dying viper. There was no malice or distrust in Kara not telling you the truth. She was afraid, she was terrified of losing you, and I made that fear worse by confirming, as your mother who knows you oh so well, that if you ever found out you would indeed hate her.”

Lena took a step back from her mother and blinked. “What? Mother! Why?” 

“To cripple her, to protect you, and because honestly Lena, I’m really not a very nice person.” Lillian answered with a shrug of her shoulders. “Even then I could see what was happening between the two of you, and I didn’t like it, not one bit.” 

Again Lena blinked. “Happening between us? Mother, what the hell are you talking about?” 

“How can you be so incredibly brilliant and yet so naive?” Lillian rolled her eyes. “The way the two of you look at each other is nauseating.”

“Mother.” Lena demanded, stomping her food. “What exactly are you alluding to?” 

“I’m not alluding to anything, dear.” Lillian replied. “You’re in love with Kara, and she with you. Now, stop acting like a sullen child and lets finish our game before dinner, shall we?” 

“Mother!” Lena yelled as she watched her mother walk across the room in disbelief. “How could you!” 

“I was simply looking out for your well being, dear.” Lillian answered with a straight face. 

“Bullshit!” Lena replied, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring daggers at her mother. “Why are you telling me this now? Why the hell do you care if I cut Kara out of my life? You hate Supergirl!” 

“Because I don’t like seeing you in pain.” Lillian answered honestly. The girl already knew the truth, she’d discovered it while Lillian was unable to lie. Lional’s bastard or not, Lillian loved her daughter.

Lena walked over to her mother, stepping into Lillian’s space, and looked up into Lillian’s face, into her eyes, while narrowing her own as if seeking something out.

“What are you doing?” Lillian asked, her voice laced with amusement. 

“I’m trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with you.” Lena replied earnestly. “This isn’t our normal dynamic, and never in a million years would my mother try to encourage me to make up with her mortal enemy.” 

Lillian laughed as she stepped away from Lena. She raised her hand and flicked her wrist in a dismissive manner as she returned to her chair and her brandy. “My flesh and blood son tried to murder me, while the bastard waif my husband foused upon me saved my life despite the way I treated her her whole life, perhaps that gave me a moment of clearity.” Lillian settled into her chair and smiled. “Or perhaps it’s brain damage who knows for certain, I have worked with some strange materials during my days of villainy.”

Long after leaving her mother in her gilded cage Lena couldn’t shake Lillian’s words. Were her feelings of anger and pain intensified because she was in love with Kara? Certainly Kara had been the most important person in her life, the one person Lena cared about most in the world, but did her feelings truly run as deeply as her mother had implied? Lena sighed. What did it matter now? So what if she was in love with Kara? Kara certainly wasn’t in love with her, because you can’t love someone that way and not trust them, and it was clear that Kara had never trusted her. 

But, what if? 

She had told her mother she wanted to hurt Kara, that she wanted Kara to understand the pain she was feeling, and if her mother was right. Well, Lena might just have a way to inflict that pain. 

Lena stepped off the private elevator in her perfectly tailored burgundy three piece suit with the silk black blouse, her hair pulled up in a high, tight, ponytail, and what she was now calling her tactical heels. As she made her way through the bullpen of writers to Donna’s office, she caught sight of Kara sitting on the edge of Nia’s desk and the corner of her red painted lips twitched as if she wanted to smirk. That desire to smirk only grew when she saw Kara clumsily knock things over on the desk in her haste to stand. 

“Lena.” Kara called out softly, a trace of hope lacing her voice at the sight of her friend. With James gone, surely the only reason for Lena to be here was for her. Right?

Lena ignored Kara. She walked with confidence and purpose to Donna’s office and then made a point of closing the glass doors behind her. 

“Wow.” Donna said as she set down her pen and leaned back in her chair. “The Alpha Bitch energy coming off you is impressive.”

Walking over to the desk Lena settled herself against the edge of it right beside Donna and smiled. “There’s a pre-opening gala of the new exhibit at the art museum this evening for benefactors. Come with me.”

“An art museum hmm?” Donna said with a chuckle. “Do you remember the last time we went to an art museum together?” 

Lena hummed softly as she leaned forward a bit as she looked into Donna’s eyes as she reached out to brush imaginary hairs from Donna’s cheek. Then she smiled and practically purred. “Vividly.” 

Donna’s breath hitched at Lena’s touch. “Sweet Aphrodite, Lena, what in Hades are you up too?” Looking into those sparkling green eyes, watching the slightest of dilations of Lena’s pupils, Donna suddenly found she didn’t really care. Standing, she moved into Lena’s personal space, and shook her head at the grin on the beautiful pale woman’s lips. “You know what, never mind. I don’t know for whose benefit this little show is for, but honestly, I really don’t care at the moment.” 

“I was hoping you’d feel that way.” Lena said with a devilish smirk. 

In the bullpen Nia was quickly trying to pry the now crumpled cell phone from Kara’s hands while whispering for her to pay attention to what she was doing. 

That evening at the National City Museum of Fine Art the wealthy and the influential gathered to take in the museum’s new mythology exhibit. The people gathered in the large gallery full of statues, paintings, and murals were the creme de la creme of National City society. Kara could practically hear Nia’s nervousness rattling in her bones. Reaching for two flutes of champagne from a passing server she held one out to her young friend. “Relax Nia.” 

“Sorry.” Nia replied with a blush. “It’s just I’ve never covered anything like this before. I mean, I’m pretty sure the pocket square in that guy’s jacket costs more than I make in a month.” 

“Probably.” Kara agreed with a nod. “But that doesn’t make him better than anyone else here.” 

“How are you so chill?” Nia asked as she looked at Kara with wonderment. 

Kara laughed. “I use to be Lena’s plus one to things like this.” Kara’s heart ached with longing and regret. Rao, she missed Lena. And seeing that little display of affection in Donna’s office that morning didn’t help matters, in fact it made things worse. When Nia reached for her hand to give it a comforting squeeze Kara gave her a soft smile in return. “Ready to mingle?” 

“Gods no.” Nia replied and then sucked in a breath. “But let's do it anyway.” 

The room buzzed with conversation and the soft almost musical clatter of crystal champagne flutes occasionally clinking together. Then a hush fell over the room as everyone’s gaze drifted to the latest arrivals. Lena Luthor stood in the spotlight of the entrance in a black grecian inspired gown, with silver and ice blue accents over the single shoulder. Her long raven hair was curled and pulled up into a loose bun. She looked like she could have been the living model for any one of the ancient goddesses standing around the room in their perfect marble poses. Beside her in a more traditional looking v-neck grecian style gown in a shade of royal blue with silver accents and accessories, stood Donna Troy. Her dark hair down and loss in soft waves, with a small tiria like band pinned to the crown of her head. 

“Wow.” Nia whispered as she watched Lena enter the room. 

“Yeah.” Kara agreed, her chest hurting as she sucked in a sharp breath. “Wow.” 

Lena was trying really hard not to feel bad about this, while also struggling with the promise she made to herself to never let anyone get close to her again. Donna was an old friend, a former lover, that she had no reason to doubt, and yet a nagging pin prick in the back of her mind kept wondering when this friend would hurt her too. Was that why it was so easy for her to use Donna this way? If Donna was just going to hurt her down the road the way Kara had, then it was no big deal to parade her around in the hopes that it would get back to Kara. Right? Lena was moving on with her life, a life without Kara and her tainted friendship in it, and if by some wild chance her mother was right about Kara’s feelings, well, if Lena just happened to be splashed across the society pages kissing a stunningly beautiful woman and it hurt Kara to see it, icing on the cake.

“Have I mentioned just how staggeringly beautiful you are tonight?” Donna asked with a smile as she held out a glass of champagne to Lena. 

“You might have mentioned it once or twice.” Lena replied with a smile while accepting the drink. 

“Aphrodite herself would be jealous.” Donna whispered, her voice husky and close to Lena’s ear. 

Lena laughed as she replied, “Isn’t making her jealous dangerous?” 

“It can be.” Donna nodded and then smiled. “But you’re safe, what with an Amazon at your side and all.” 

Reaching up Lena cupped Donna’s cheek. “I really have missed your unique style of flirting.” 

Donna reached up to hold Lena’s hand in place as she said, “I’ve missed that smile of yours. I don’t think I’ve really seen it since I’ve been here.” Wrapping her fingers around Lena’s hand she lowered them, and then laced their fingers together. “To be honest with you, Lena, I’ve been really worried about you.” 

“No need to be.” Lena reassured. “I’m fine.” When she saw that Donna was about to protest that statement she freed her hand from the other woman’s so she could press a finger to her lips before replacing that finger with her lips. 

“Kara?” Nia said softly, her voice laced with concern as she stood by her friend, her dark eyes flickering back and forth between the friend beside her and the one across the room currently kissing their new boss.

It took a moment for Kara to respond. Her brian had started to sputter like an old engine about to die when she watched Lena reach up to caress Donna’s cheek. Her heart sank to her stomach like a stone when Lena pressed a finger to the other woman’s lips. And seeing Lena kiss Donna sent her into a tailspin she couldn’t really explain. While seeing Lena kiss James had irked her, it had never hurt the way this did. Kara had honestly never understood Lena and James, especially since she was well aware of James’ feelings towards Lena when she first arrived in National City. If he had said, “But she’s a Luthor!” one more time Kara would have punched him for it. But James seemed to come around, he let go of his bias and let himself get to know Lena for Lena, and then wham they were dating. And Kara tried to be happy for them, she really did, but in the back of her mind she couldn’t stop worrying that Lena would end up getting hurt. She never imagined that she would end up being the one to hurt Lena.

“Kara?” Nia repeated. 

“I’m fine, Nia.” Kara finally responded. Tearing her gaze away from what was happening across the gallery. 

“Yeah, the sound you just made when Lena kissed Ms. Troy, that didn’t sound like an ‘I’m fine’ kind of sound.” Nia replied, glaring gently at Kara. “Why don’t I distract Ms. Troy and you go talk to Lena?” 

At first Kara was going to refuse the offer, but then she thought better of it. “Would you?” She replied with a warm smile. “There is something I need to say to Lena.” 

“Of course.” Nia replied, and then set off on her mission. 

It took a little time for Nia to catch Donna alone and to engage her in conversation. While she did that Kara tracked down Lena. After that little incident in Lena’s office, and her chat with J’onn, Kara found out as much as she could about Donna Troy a.k.a. Wonder Girl. What kind of stupid name was Wonder Girl anyway? While the former hero seemed legit enough, that didn’t mean that she wouldn’t end up hurting Lena, and Kara didn’t want to see Lena hurt any more than she already was by this whole superhero thing. Stepping up to Lena who was standing in front of a mural depicting the Greek muses, Kara said her name softly. “Lena.” 

Lena nearly jumped, surprised by the familiar voice. Her heart leapt at first and then clenched in pain. She didn’t bother turning to look at Kara, a rush of pleasure and pain washing through her. Kara seeing her with Donna first hand was unexpected but seeing the emotion in Kara’s eyes first hand, would be oh so sweet. “I have nothing to say to you, Kara. We’ve been over this.” 

“I know.” Kara said sadly. “And I’m not here to talk about us, not yet, I know you need time. I’m here about something else, someone else.” 

That made Lena turn to look at Kara. “Someone else?” 

“Lena, you need to be leery of Donna Troy.” Kara warned. “You’re hurting right now, and well, I don’t want to see you get hurt worse. There are things about her that…” 

Lena began to laugh bitterly. “Oh my god, are you really standing there warning me about Donna keeping secrets from me? Oh this is rich.” Lowering her voice to a level that she knew only Kara could hear she informed the blonde, “I am well aware that Donna use to be Wonder Girl, Kara. She told me back in college, when we became friends, before we even started sleeping together, she trusted me, a Luthor of all people, with her truth.” 

“Oh.” Kara said, deflating. 

“Go away, Kara.” Lena said sharply. “Before I have you thrown out.”

“Lena.” Kara sighed. “I was just…” 

“Looking out for me?” Lena snapped. “Yes, well, perhaps you should have been looking out for me when my best friend was lying to my face every day. Now leave me the hell alone.” 

Kara left without another word, and after making sure Nia got home safely Kara changed into her suit and launched into the sky to clear her head. Lena looked happy with Donna, hadn’t she? A couple of times during the night she’d caught sight of Lena and seen a soft, happy smile on her lips. She’d heard the sound of Lena’s laugh through the crowd, and it hadn’t sounded fake or strained in anyway. But then Kara had approached her and all of that melted away, leaving behind the angry and bitter Lena her actions had created. She shouldn’t have used her stolen time alone with Lena to talk about Donna, she should have used it to talk about them. She should have used that time to try and get Lena to listen, to apologize, and make Lena understand. Kara had been feeling lost and alone since Lena walked away from her, and for a few brief moments the two times she’d finally been face to face with her, it felt as if she’d spotted her guiding star in the darkness. She couldn’t keep doing this. She needed to get Lena back. 

Kara flew to Lena’s building, her mind made up on finally confronting this thing between them, only to see into Lena’s penthouse before she even reached the building. At first Kara was struck by the sheer beauty of Lena’s body, the way her back was arched, the swell of her breasts, the way her hair fell as she leaned forward to kiss the woman beneath her. That’s when Kara felt the fire stab her in the chest. Lena straddling her lover’s hips, her hand between her legs, Donna fucking Troy’s hands pressing into the pale freakled skin of Lena’s back. Kara took off straight up so fast she caused a sonic boom.

The sun had just barely started painting the early dawn sky with color when the knock on the door echoed through the Georgetown townhouse. Of course she was already awake and preparing for the long day ahead of her, but that didn’t lessen Cat Grant’s annoyance as she made her way to her front door. She’d barely finished her first cup of coffee, and had been in the middle of reading her son’s latest email, so it had better be a crisis of an out of this world magnitude waiting for her on the other side of the door or she was going to castrate someone. When she pulled open the door the last person she was expecting to find was, “Kara?” 

“Madam Secretary.” Kara said with a nervous smile while fidgeting with her glasses. 

“Do you have any idea what time it is, Kiera?” Cat scolded as she ushered the younger woman inside. 

Kara gasped softly. “Did I wake you? Oh, gosh, I’m so sorry!” 

“Of course you didn’t wake me.” Cat huffed while leading Kara through her home and into the kitchen. “You know the only time I sleep in is when I’m hungover after my mother leaves from one of her visits.” She waved at her kitchen table while retrieving another coffee cup from her kitchen cabinet. “Well, I suppose you’ve come to thank me personally for that shiny new award you now own.” 

“Among other reasons.” Kara replied with a nod while accepting the simple white cup with the monogram C on it once Cat had poured coffee into from her expensive looking french press.

“And what would these other reasons be?” Cat asked as she sat across from her former assianat and protege. 

Kara chewed on her lip for a moment. She’d spent most of the night flying aimlessly and had honestly surprised herself when she’d landed in D.C. just down the street from Cat Grant’s home. Her mind jumped from one thought to another all night as she flew, unable to focus, churning up her emotions like shaking a beehive. Lena had moved on from their broken friendship, replacing her easily enough with someone else. Kara should be happy for her, or at least relieved that Lena didn’t give in to the darkness she was always so afraid was inside of her. But did that mean Kara hadn’t know Lena as well as she thought? Was Lena right to think Kara mistrusted her? Because why else would she have assumed Lena would give in and become something, someone, Kara knew damn well she wasn’t? Who the hell did Donna Troy thing she was? Why was she so special? Why did she get to touch Lena that way! Kara could feel herself becoming overwhelmed again and took a deep breath.

“Kara?” Cat said gently, her hand going to cover the one Kara had on the table as she watched the emotional storm play out over the younger woman’s face. 

“I did something that hurt someone I care very deeply for.” Kara said, her voice cracking with emotion. “And I’ve lost her because of it.” Tears began to well in her eyes as she looked up to meet Cat’s concerned gaze. “I don’t want to take the chance of that happening with you. I couldn’t bear losing you too, just because I thought keeping a secret from you would keep you safe.” Kara paused to take a deep breath and as she reached for her glasses she said, “Ms. Grant. Cat. I’m…” 

“Supergirl.” Cat said with warmth and affection, and yet still somehow a cocky smile. “Yes, Kara, I know.” 

“You know?” Kara repeated, stunted, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. 

“Have for awhile.” Cat confirmed. “You didn’t really think your Martian friend fooled me, did you?” She gave Kara a moment to look dumbfounded and then patted her hand. “Now, tell me what happened with Ms. Luthor, and why you’re so convinced you’ve lost her.” 

Kara blinked once, twice, and then finally relaxed a little and began explaining everything to Cat. By the time she finally finished telling Cat everything, the sun was up, and she felt exhausted but lighter than she had in months. “Lillian was right. She hates me now, and I’m lost without her.” 

“Well,” Cat said, letting out a long sigh as she shifted through all of this new information. “Just because she’s angry with you, Kara, doesn’t mean she hates you. That girl has trust issues, and neglect and abandonment issues. She’s hurt, she’s mad as hell, she feels betrayed, but I can guarantee she doesn’t hate you. She could no more hate you, than you could hate her. It’s just that when the person you love most hurts you, and yes it was unintentional, it hurts more than anything else in the world.” 

Wrapping her hands around the cup of coffee Cat had given her Kara thought about what the older woman was saying. Finally she looked up with a sheen of tears in her eyes. “How do I fix this, Cat?” 

“Well, for starters you get the last remaining secret between you out of the way.” Cat told her bluntly. 

Kara looked confused. “I don’t have any other secrets.” 

“Oh Kara.” Cat said, giving the girl a look of astonishment. Then she chuckled softly to herself. “You honestly don’t see it do you?” 

“See what?” Kara asked, her eyes begging Cat to help her understand, to help her find a way to fix things between her and Lena, to help her stop feeling so lost and alone. 

“Kara, sweetie, you’re in love with Lena Luthor.” Cat told her. “And she’s in love with you.” 

“What?” Kara squeaked while jumping to her feet as if something had stung her. “No! What? No! Ms. Grant, she’s my best friend!” 

“Oh please.” Cat snorted with a dismissive wave of her hand. “Best friends don’t look at each other the way you two do. Kara.” She said firmly. “Sit.” She ordered, and when Kara sat she continued. “Do you remember our little chat in the ally about what happiness was?” When Kara nodded she asked, “While I was talking, and be honest, don’t overthink this, while I was talking about what the point was, when I said it’s not about what you do it’s about who you love, who were you thinking about?” 

Kara gasped softly. “Lena.” 

Cat smiled and nodded. “Lena.” 

While Kara still had a lot to think about, it suddenly didn’t seem quite so daunting. She smiled at the woman sat across from her. “Thank you, Cat.” 

After walking Kara out Cat turned to head up to her room to get ready for the day and smiled. “Like I said,” She said to herself. “It’s all about the ones you love.”


	6. Chapter 6

Sure she had only been around for a few months but even Donna knew that it was very unusual for the desk outside of Lena’s office to be missing it’s Jess. If Lena was in the building, Jess was in the building. If Lena was in her office, Jess was loyally at her desk working. Donna had never once come to Lena’s office and not seen Jess at her desk, until now. She knew Lena was supposed to be in her office this morning, they’d talked about it over texts last night. It was possible Lena had just sent Jess on an errand, but there was an old familiar knot in Donna’s stomach that said this wasn’t right. Stepping up to the inner office door Donna knocked and then reached for the handle only to find it locked, so she knocked again. No response. Walking over to Jess’ desk she picked up the phone receiver and pressed the intercom function button. “Lena, it’s Donna. We had an Eleven o’clock to go over…” 

“Ms. Luthor wishes not to be disturbed.” A female accented voice called out. 

Donna jumped a bit. Her dark eyes seeking out the strange sounding voice. “Hello?” 

Jess’ computer screen suddenly flickered to life with a woman’s computer generated head on it. “Hello Ms. Troy. I am Lila. Ms. Luthor wished not to be disturbed. However, she also wished to be reminded of her appointment with you. She is not responding to my alerts.” 

“Um, can you unlock the door?” Donna asked the floating computer head. Leave it to Lena to create her own personal alexa on steroids. This must have been one of those projects she was always getting lost in. Lena was hell bent on developing new tech that would be beneficial to humanity, and Donna suspected that would keep her too busy to deal with her personal issues.

“I can not.” Lila replied. “I have not been given access to that function. I am still a prototype.” 

Donna groaned as she stood and walked back over to the door. She pounded on it. “Lena! Lena open the door!” Still no response, she went through Jess’ desk looking for a key. 

“Ms. Luthor’s vitals are beginning to fluxurate abnormally for her current activity.” Lila reported. 

“Really?” Donna huffed at the voice. “You can monitor her vital signs but you can’t unlock a damn door?” A tendril of panic curled into Donna’s belly as she pounded one last time on the door. “Lena! Don’t make me put on the suit, Lena!”

When Lena had started the simulation she’d been sitting in a high backed leather chair in the study of Luthor Manor. Kneeling in front of her had been Supergirl, with the same control devices she had once used on Reign attached to her collar bone. 

“Lena.” Supergirl begs. “Please. It doesn’t have to be this way.” 

“It must be hard.” Lena replied. “To beg on your knees in such a short skirt.” 

“You’re lost, Lena.” Supergirl continues as if she isn’t in physical pain. “You’re in pain. Please. Please let someone…” 

There was a glitch. Suddenly Lena’s standing in her office watching the news on the flat screen on her wall. It’s footage of Supergirl and the DEO, with commentary on how the only way they knew how to deal with things was through violence, and that organizations like the DEO only ever breed violence. Organizations like the DEO weren’t protecting anyone, in fact, they were the very things people needed protection from. 

“For every breakthrough you’ve made to help the world, they find a new way to tear it down.” Eve said over Lena’s shoulder. 

Lena hummed. “It does feel that way sometimes.” 

“Something more needs to be done.” Eve said as she stepped closer to Lena. “The DEO, Arugs, they’re dangerous, they can’t be trusted, Lena. You could help us. You could lead us.” 

Lena was just standing there motionless, her eyes glowing blue like the front of Donna’s computer tower when it was on. Lena wasn’t responding to Donna at all, not to her voice, or her touch, or the gentle shaking of her shoulders, and it was starting to really frighten her. Reaching for the coiled rope hanging from the belt of the suit she never had any intentions of wearing again, Donna wound it around Lena’s wrists. The lasso began to glow as Donna focused power through it. “Lena.” Donna said in a commanding voice. “Lena! Wake up!” 

Lena gasped as if she’d been drowning and had just been pulled from the water, then collapsed into strong waiting arms. “Kara?” 

“No, sweetie, it’s me.” Donna replied. 

“Donna?” Lena repeated as she blinked, trying to get her vision to clear. Her head was pounding painfully in her skull, causing her to moan softly. Reaching up she frantically removed the contacts while scampering out of Donna’s hold and over to her desk. She shut down her program, disconnecting her laptop from her personal server, and putting it on lockdown. For a moment she stood there trembling, breathing quickly, and then she looked up. Donna stood there looking at her with concern, but then she realized it wasn’t so much Donna standing there as Wonder Girl? “Are you wearing your suit?” 

“I didn’t think you’d want your new CatCo EnC seen flying onto you balcony.” Donna explained as she stood there glaring gently at her friend with her arms crossed over her chest. “Lena, what the hell is going on?” 

“I don’t know.” Lena answered, the pain in her head almost too much to bear. “But I’m going to find out.” 

Whatever this was it wasn’t something she could punch as Supergirl, or completely get a grip on to confront as Kara Danvers. It seemed to be on a much more massive scale than even the Children of Liberty, and if Kara was being honest with herself this whole situation was reminding her a little too much of Myriad. The people they’d arrested, both human and alien, following an attack last week were either being treated for severe withdrawal symptoms, or couldn’t remember anything other than, “I picked up my phone…” or “I was playing this cool new game…” Brainy was doing his best to figure things out, but since this mystery seemed to be technology based Alex had ordered him to use extreme caution. She didn’t want him getting compromised or hurt if this, whatever this was, tried attacking him. 

To make matters around the DEO worse, J’onn’s brother Ma’alefa’ak in Martian, Malefic to those who looked at J’onn like he’d just hawked up flem on them when he said it his way, was causing trouble all over town. Now that was an issue Supergirl could punch. Malefic had worked with the White Marians, experimenting on his fellow Greens, and coming up with new ways to torture and murder them in their camps. They still had no idea how Malefic got to Earth, but now that he was here he was causing J’onn a great deal of pain, and Kara was sick and tired of the people she loved being in pain. And since Lena wouldn’t let her try and make the pain she was in any better, she could at least help J’onn. 

As for Kara’s own pain, well, she might have picked up some of her sister’s bad habits and unhelpful coping skills. After leaving Cat’s, Kara couldn’t shake what they had talked about. Was she in love with Lena? Could Lena be in love with her? Had she ruined something that could have been more than just friendship without even realizing it? The more she thought about it, and the more she thought about what she’d seen that night between Lena and Donna, the more Kara hurt. So after acquiring a bottle of Aldebaran rum and taking it back to her apartment, Kara tried Alex’s trick of drowning the pain, burning it away with strong liquor, but it didn’t work. It just led to her being angry and resentful, and taking that anger and resentment out on her Supergirl suit, which left her in need of a new suit. 

“Have I mentioned just how much I love having pants?” Kara said as he landed with a soft thud before walking towards Alex and Brainy at the computer banks. 

“Once or twice.” Alex said with a grin.

“One hundred and fifty two times.” Brainy cut in. “Since acquiring your new suit following you’re instructions that it be similar to both Lena’s design for the kyrpo-suit and Red Daughter’s in memoriam to her sacrifice.”

Kara opened her mouth to reply, closed it, blinked, and then chuckled. “Ok then.” She paused for a moment to change gears and then asked, “Any luck on figuring out what’s going on with our tech zombies?” 

“No. I’m still trying to work out what it is I’m seeing in their brain scans.” Alex said with a shake of her head. Picking up a small container Alex held it up and said, “We think these have something to do with it, but we’re just not sure how.” 

“Contacts?” Kara questioned. 

“Augmented contacts used to interface with virtual reality.” A fourth voice added to the conversation. 

Kara whipped around so fast she blew things, heavy things, off the desk tops. Her blue eyes were wide as she took in the sight before her. Standing there in tailored slacks, a white button down, and pinstripe vest was, “Lena?” 

“May I?” Lena asked as she walked over to Alex, holding out her hand, and ignoring Kara. Alex nodded easily, giving the case to her without a word. Lena felt shocked. She wasn’t a part of their team any longer, she wasn’t a valued and trusted member of their group, and yet she found herself heading straight to DEO after convincing Donna she was alright. When she arrived she was more than a little surprised to find her access had not been revoked, her badge still worked, her clearance still in place. And now here was Alex just handing over a vital piece of what Lena was sure was classified evidence. 

“VR contacts?” Kara asked carefully, quietly, as if the sound of her voice might chase Lena away. “Do you know who's behind them?” 

“I am.” Lena answered simply while giving the case back to Alex after carefully examining the contacts. “I developed a new, more immersive, virtual reality system to be used in classrooms and training situations, as well as physical and mental therapy.” The new technology really had been meant for all of those things and more, not just so Lena could take out her anger on Kara in various ways. 

Alex grumbled and growled a bit. “Looks like you’re going to have to run another security sweep at L-Corp, Lena. Unless you think you’re project was stolen while Eve Teschmacher was there.” 

“More like Eve Tess-backstabber.” Nia said as she joined the group dressed in her full Dreamer suit, mask included. She smiled warmly at Lena and gave a little wave. “Hi Lena.” Then she lowered her voice so only the four around her could hear her. “It’s me, by the way, Nia.”

Lena blinked. Now that she knew Kara was Supergirl, Nia Nal being Dreamer wasn’t much of a surprise, but the ease in which the younger woman admitted to it was. 

“Unfortunately Eve is proving more wiley than we thought. We haven’t been able to find her yet.” Alex said, allowing her annoyance and frustration over the matter to taint her voice. “But don’t worry, Lena. We’ll find her and bring her in.” 

Lena blinked again. She had basically just walked in and admitted that she’d created the tech that was giving them issues. Why weren’t they hauling off to grill her the way they did after finding her and Sam in her secret lab? “Eve could be apart of this.” She admitted as her uncertain gaze took everyone in. “I was working on my software this morning when something went wrong. Eve was there, in the simulation with me.”

Brainy hummed softly. “Someone was able to co-op your simulation remotely?”

“It would appear that way.” Lena nodded. “I recently had someone make a proposition of partnership, wanting to use my tech for gaming and media entertainment purposes. I refused and,” She indicated the contacts in Alex’s hand. “Now it seems she’s trying to make some bastardised version of my tech.” 

“Who?” Kara asked, trying not to sound to hurt that Lena was continuing to ignore her. 

“Andrea Rojas.” Lena answered, without looking at Kara. 

Alex smiled at Lena and then looked down at Brainy who’d remained in his seat this whole time. “Find out everything you can on her.” Then she looked up at Lena again. “In the meantime, I would really appreciate your help in explaining what this technology can do.” Lena nodded, and Alex began leading her away from the others. 

This was the first opportunity Alex had to talk to Lena since the night of the awards ceremony and she wasn’t going to waste it. “You seem surprised.” 

Lena knew this was coming, she knew Alex would say something the moment they were alone, and yet she’d walked off with her anyway. “I am. I wasn’t expecting to still have DEO access.” 

“Lena.” Alex said, her voice taking on that big sister tone of hers once they were safely in her lab. She looked the other woman eye to eye as she continued. “I don’t know what that psychopathic bastard of a half brother of yours said to you, but not telling you Kara’s secret, it wasn’t a trust issue.” She paused for a moment, her voice had been firm so Lena would hear her clearly and know she meant what she said. This wasn’t about trusting Lena, and she needed Lena to understand that because Alex was well aware of the younger woman’s insecurities. 

Then Alex softened her tone, making her next statement more personal. “I will admit that it took some of us longer than others to trust you, and in my defense it wasn’t all about you being a Luthor.” Again, she knew Lena’s insecurities but she wasn’t going to sugar coat it and lie either. “I’m a really overprotective big sister. Your last name could have been Smith and I’d have been leery at first.” Again she firmed up her voice for the parts she needed Lena to comprehend. “But once you had our trust, Lena, once you had my trust, for what it’s worth, it’s never wavered.”  
Lena was generally startled and surprised by the sincerity coming from Alex. With the way she’d completely written off Kara, she’d expected nothing but a cold shoulder from the redhead.

“Bottom line is that it was Kara’s secret to tell, and she had her own personal reasons for not telling you sooner.” Alex continued. She spoke like a parent giving a long lecture to a stubborn child, making sure to hit key points she felt most important for Lena to comprehend. “You should know by the way, that she was planning on telling you, she’s wanted to tell you for a long time. And if you want to know her reasons why she kept putting it off, well then, you’re just going to have to pull up your big girl panties and talk to her.” 

If Lena didn’t know any better she’d almost believe there was real affection and concern in Alex’s voice. “Are you finished?” 

“Almost,” Alex replied. “You’re angry and hurt, and feeling a million other things, and that’s valid. Your feelings are valid, Lena. We care about you, and I just want you to keep that tucked away somewhere while you’re feeling all that other stuff.” 

Lena raised an eyebrow at Alex. 

Alex laughed a bit and rubbed the back of her neck. “I’m dating a shrink now. It’s something I’ve heard her say, and I just thought maybe you needed to hear it too. It’s not like the Luthors ever really taught you the right way to deal with those pesky emotion things.” Then she sighed and shrugged her shoulders. “Hell Lena, my parents loved me and I have no idea how to handle feelings very well either. So yeah, you can feel what you’re feeling, and we will be here when you’re ready for us. Now I’m finished.”

“Can we get to work now?” Lena asked simply as she relaxed just a little bit. Alex agreed, and then she mumbled under her breath, something about stubborn kids, and smacking, and locking people in rooms until they get their shit together. Lena almost, almost, smiled at that. 

Kara paced around the DEO for well over an hour before she simply couldn’t take it anymore. For the first time in months she was in the same space as Lena and there were no Jims or Dustins or Jesses or stupid Donna Troys to get between them. So after taking a deep breath and steeling herself for what was about to happen Kara went down to the lab she knew Lena was working in. Luckily for her Alex wasn’t in the room so when she walked in she hit the button by the door that secured the room, effectively locking them in until the release was hit. “Lena.” 

Lena tensed up. She’d been expecting and dreading this. “I have nothing to say to you, Kara.” 

“Then just listen.” Kara replied. “My not telling you about Supergirl had nothing to do with my not trusting you, Lena. I have always trusted you. At first I didn’t say anything to protect you. You were in enough danger because of who you are, and I didn’t want to put another target on your back. I was afraid someone would try hurting you to get to me. It’s happened before, with Alex, and didn’t want that to happen to you too.”

“I can take care of myself.” Lena huffed, still not looking at Kara, focusing instead on her hands as they hovered over the copy cat contacts under her microscope. “I was surviving assination attempts long before I met you.” 

“I know.” Kara said with a soft sigh. “Which brings me to the real reason I struggled with telling you.” Kara took a deep breath and then admitted, “I was being selfish, Lena.” 

Despite her best efforts not to do it, Lena turned to face Kara. She didn’t say anything, she just crossed her arms over her chest and glared. It was the kind of look that made grown men cry, cold and hard, and unforgiving. 

“Everyone who knows that I’m Supergirl looks at me, even when I’m just Kara, with a certain kind of expectation. And sometimes, sometimes those expectations are a lot to carry.” Kara said softly, looking into Lena’s eyes. “You were the only person I cared about, the only person who means something to me, that looked at me and just saw me. I could just be me, be Kara, with you. There were no expectations to make things right. There was no pressure to measure up to this” She placed her hand over the crest on her chest. “And selfishly, I didn’t want to lose that. I didn’t want to lose the one person who looked at me and saw me.” Kara needed to pause, to take a breath, and then she pushed on. “I hurt you Lena, and I’m sorry. I tried to tell you, but I always found a reason not to because I was afraid and selfish. I hope that in time you’ll be able to forgive me, but forgiveness isn’t why I’m doing this. I just really need you to know that this was never about you, it was never about trusting you, or your last name, or anything like that. This was all squarely on me.”

“Are you finished?” Lena struggled to keep the emotion out of her voice and the ice in her stare. 

“Almost.” Kara replied. Lena groaned and rolled her eyes in a way that had Kara suddenly smiling. “Do you know what kintsugi is? It’s a Japanese…” 

Lena blinked. What kind of random ass question was that?! “I know what kintsugi is, Kara.” She snapped at the blonde. 

“We’re broken, Lena.” Kara said softly, earnestly. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t be fixed.” She sighed softly and dropped her head. “It won’t ever be the same as it was.” Then she looked up again, her face so full of hope. “But that doesn’t mean that it can’t be just as good, or even better, because I truly believe we can come out of this stronger together, Lena. El mayarah. I’m not giving up on you, I’m not giving up on us, because deep down under all the pain, I don’t think you want me too, and I don’t think you want to give up on us either.” She nodded her head firmly. “Now I’m done.” 

Lena watched as Kara unsealed the room and left. She waited for several moments and then sank onto a stool. She knew coming here would be hard, and she thought she had her walls up and her armor on, but she was wrong. Seeing Kara, hearing her voice, letting her words sink in, it was almost more than she could bare. Closing her eyes she reached out for her anger, for the pain of betrayal, the way a child reaches for a stuffed bear. She needed a drink. She needed to go into her VR world and lash out at Kara in the ways she could only do it in there. 

Jade eyes snapped open with a soft gasp. Bolting off her stool Lena went in search of Alex. “The strange markers on the brain scans. Could they be caused by overstimulation of the part of the brain that controls addiction?” 

Alex thought about it and then nodded. “They could.” She smiled. “Nice catch, Lena.”


	7. Chapter 7

Sitting alone on her sofa in her living room with the only light coming from a single lamp over her right shoulder, Lena scrolled through the images on her tablet. Each picture of a broken bowl, plate, vase, or cup, that she expanded seemed to have captions that didn’t really have anything to do with the true meaning of the word she’d googled, the technique of using gold to repair fine pottery. No, a lot of the captions read, Kintsugi; the art of resilience - turn your wounds into gold or Kintsugi, the precious art of scars. Lena rolled her eyes. Despite her best efforts she couldn’t stop thinking about what Kara had said, nor could she ignore Lex’s comment about her choosing not to see the truth. A part of her anger over the last several months had been at herself. She was a freaking genius! How had she not known Kara Danvers and Supergirl were one in the same? Kara flew to her office on a bus. She falls off her balcony while on the phone with Kara, and Supergirl shows up just in time to catch her. Kara walking away from that explosion in Kaznia without so much as a scratch. The inhuman way Kara eats and still looks like that! 

Could Lena have sensed deep down Kara’s need for her not to know? Setting aside her current feelings, Lena loved Kara, wither that love was the kind of love her mother had bluntly thrown in her face she still wasn’t sure, but she did love Kara. Had she unknowingly seen Kara’s need to have someone she could be human with? Someone she could be vulnerable with? Someone she didn’t always have to be the hero with? Was she Kara’s safe place in a world that rested its weight on her shoulders? 

Setting her tablet aside Lena’s gaze fell on the bottle of scotch and the contacts sitting on her coffee table. She could escape into her VR world, set up a scenario where she blasted Kara, rather than dealing with her feelings about Kara. But that ran the risk of another encounter with Eve, and whatever sinister plot she was trying to pull Lena into. She could also just reach for the scotch and deal with her feelings the old fashion way, drink until the feelings that didn’t fit or wouldn’t stay in her boxes were drowning in the warm numb relief of the whiskey. Lena reached for the bottle. 

“You need better coping mechanisms.” Donna said softly as she snatched up the bottle and contacts before Lena could. 

Lena glared at the woman suddenly standing there wearing nothing but one of Lena’s own silk robes. “I’m coping just fine.” 

Donna snorted as she returned the scotch to the wet bar and pocketed the contacts. “Lena, honey, you’re a freaking mess.” Walking back over to the sofa, she sat down beside Lena, tucking her legs under her and turning to face the other dark haired woman. “I still don’t understand what you were doing with the VR, but I doubt it’s any better than you getting black out drunk. The only thing you’re doing to cope with what your going through that isn’t a threat to you health and well being is me.” 

“Donna.” Lena replied quickly, a bolt of fear and shame passing through her at Donna’s implication. 

But Donn shook her head. “I’m here knowing damn well why I’m here, Lena. It’s ok.” 

“How can you possibly be ok with that?” Lena was stunned, embarrassed that Donna knew what she’d been doing, angry at having been called out, and frightened that Donna would want her to confront everything she’d been avoiding. 

“When I came back into your life, Lena, you were drowning.” Donna answered easily, her voice gentle and caring. “You were in danger of being pulled under by the force of your emotions. And sweetie,” Donna reached out and put a hand on Lena’s thigh as she looked into her eyes. “When it comes to emotions you suck at trying to deal with them. So instead, you just ignore them until you can’t take it anymore, and then you get shit faced drunk and get revenge tattoos in Amsterdam.” Lena huffed in a way that told Donna she knew she was right and she smiled warmly at her friend as she reached out to take Lena’s hand. “You needed something to cling to, something to keep yourself from getting lost in the waves and the darkness, and I’m ok with being that floatie for you.” Letting go of Lena’s hand she gently tilted her friend’s head up so she could look Lena in the eyes again. “What I’m not ok with is you putting your well being at risk for whatever that damn VR shit does for you. I had to use my lasso to break it’s hold on you Lena, and just now, I watched you staring at those damn contacts trembling. That shit’s not ok, Lena.” 

Lena sighed, and while she couldn’t drop her head, she could still avert her eyes. “I started using the contacts and the new program before the primary research was finished. There is a viable chance that such intense immersion could become addictive.” 

“Lena!” Donna scolded. “What the hell were you doing that you’d risk becoming addicted?” 

“Punching Supergirl in the face.” Lena replied, low enough that she hoped Donna wouldn’t hear her. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Donna heard and she wasn’t happy. “You’d risk your well being on revenge fantasy because Kara Danves didn’t tell you she was Supergirl?” 

Lena’s attention snapped to Donna instantly, anger and concern battling it out in her eyes. “You said you didn’t know who she was!” 

“I didn’t until just now.” Donna huffed back. “You’ve been absolutely livid with Supergirl for not revealing her identity to you, and over the last few months I’ve come to learn that you and Kara were really closed, until you suddenly weren’t anymore.” Donna continued to glare but she softened her voice a little. “Plus, you have a Kara Danvers break up box in the back of your closet.” 

“I do not!” Lena protested. “There was nothing between Kara and I that would require a break up box.” 

“Are you sure? Because the Monday following the art museum gala Kara started looking at me as if she were trying to make my dead explode.” Donna continued. “And the day after Supergirl showed up in your office, I swear I saw Kara’s eyes glowed red before Nia Nal pushed her into the ladies’ room.” 

“Kara would never hurt you.” Lena said, defending Kara before she could stop herself. 

Donna chuckled and shook her head. “Lena, for you, Kara would take on Ares himself and win.” She paused for a moment to think her next words over carefully and then said, “Lena, sweetie, you need to stop running away and hiding from your emotions. What you and Kara had, it was clearly something meaningful and special to you. And if you keep letting this pain and anger fester between you, not only will you come to regret it, but you’ll have let Lex finally beat and break you.” 

“I never said Lex had anything to do with this.” Lena sniped. 

“You didn’t have to.” Donna replied. “The kind of pain you’re in right now, it could have only been caused by him.” 

Alex had warned her that Lena was due to return to the DEO to help them understand what was going on with the Obsidian tech. Not waiting to cause Lena any further discomfort, Kara decided to avoid the DEO for the day. She checked in with J’onn, offering to help him with his brother, but Malefic was in the wind. He was probably off somewhere licking his wounds after their last fight and plotting more ways of torturing his brother. Between J’onn and Maleic, and Lena and Lex, Kara was more grateful than ever for Alex. She wasn’t actually sure what to do with herself after leaving J’onn’s. For a moment she thought about going to Kelly’s new office and talking to her about what was going on, maybe get some helpful therapist style advice. But then she figured that getting free therapy from her sister’s new girlfriend would be weird and an abuse of power, and probably unethical in someway. So she decided to just patrol the city for awhile, helping out wherever and however she could, to keep herself distracted. 

Supergirl had just made a very daring rescue and was landing with a soft thud on a patch of grass when she heard an unexpedically familiar voice from behind her. 

“You rescue cats from trees.” A soft but husky voice chuckled. “Of course you rescue cats from trees.” 

Kara spun around, eyes wide. “Oliver?” 

Oliver Queen, Earth-1’s Green Arrow, blinked. “That’s not a cat.” 

Looking down at what appeared to be a lizard wearing a blue harness with little Supergirl logos on it and then back up at Oliver, Kara smiled. “Nope, this is Spike, and he tends to get himself stuck in trees while trying to eat the birds in them.” 

Oliver watched as a little girl with dark curly hair came running up to Supergirl. “You found him!” 

“I did, it was pretty easy. He likes blue jays, so I just followed the sound of their calls until I found the right tree.” Supergirl said as she handed the girl her pet. “Alana, we talked about keeping a better eye on him” 

The girl dropped her head while cuddling Spike. “I know, I’m sorry, but he saw you overhead and I think he wanted to go flying with you, and then he got side tracked by the blue jays.”

“I promise I will take Spike flying soon, but you need to keep him on his leash when you’re out in public.” Supergirl said firmly. 

Alana flashed her a smile. “I will, I promise!” 

“Good.” Supergirl replied. “Now get him home before he causes any more trouble.” 

“Ok, bye Supergirl!” Alana said before running off. “Thank you for saving Spike again!” 

Once Alana was safe with her father, Supergirl giving him a little wave, she turned back to Oliver. “What’s going on Oliver?” Kara questioned him, because Oliver being here on her Earth, it could only mean something huge was about to happen. “What’s happened?” 

“I’ll tell you everything.” Oliver promised. “But first, have you seen a man who looks like Harrison Wells, only with purple hair, and a purpural look of anguish on his face?” 

Kara narrowed her eyes. “No. Why?” 

“Good.” Oliver said with a sigh. “Then your Earth isn’t in immediate danger, and we have some time. Let's talk.” 

Lena didn’t think twice when Alex had to suddenly leave to take care of something else. Alex was the Director after all and she had other things to do aside from working with Lena in the lab, though Lena knew Alex would probably prefer being in the lab. They had that in common. They both had their roles and responsibilities as the ones in charge, but there would always be a part of them that longed to be left alone in a lab to work on their passions. Lena missed that, missed the long passionate science discussions she and Alex use to have. It had been a wonderfully pleasant surprise when she’d discovered that Kara’s FBI agent sister was actually a brilliant scientist and could keep up with Lena as she, geeked out, as Kara called it. When she started consulting with Alex and the DEO she’d had the same kind of feeling she’d had back in that old garage with Jack, that sense of discovery and purpose that could only come with working with a like mind. 

Realizing that she’d let herself get distracted, Lena sighed and stepped away from her work table. She should have argued harder for working in her L-Corp lab rather than her DEO lab. Even with Kara staying away while she was there, there were just to many people here, too many distractions and emotions, for her to focus fully on her work. Picking up her tablet Lena headed for central command to ask Brainy’s advice on something. As she drew closer she could hear Alex’s voice. 

“No one can explain it.” Alex said. “It just seems like the weather has gone batshit.” 

“Apparently that’s how it starts.” Kara said, her voice thick with concern. 

Lena stopped in her tracks a few feet away, her eyes focused and wide, but not on Kara. No, Lena was staring at two of the three men standing with Kara. They were older, men rather than boys, but she still knew those faces. 

“Lena.” Kara said almost apologetically. 

“Good you’re here. I was just about to send for you.” Alex said to Lena. “Obsidian Tech is going to have to wait. I’m afraid something a hell of a lot more pressing has come up and we could use your help.” 

Kara saw the way Lena was staring at Oliver and his companion and even though she knew Oliver would never hurt her, she still moved to place herself between Lena and the three men from other Earths. “Lena,” She indicated Oliver. “This is my friend Ol…” 

“Jonas Queen and Tom Merlin.” Lena spoke up, eyes blinking in surprise, her features twisting in guilt. “How is this possible? You’re both dead.”

Oliver looked at the dark haired woman with a sympathetic glance. This wasn’t the first Earth he’d been to where he doppelganger was dead. “I’m not who you think I am.” 

“Lena.” Kara said gently as she moved closer to Lena without thinking. All she saw was Lena in distress and all she wanted to do was comfort her. It was as natural a reaction for Kara as breathing was. “How familiar are you with the multiverse theory?” 

“Multiverse?” Lena repeated, blinking and then snapping into science mode, her bright green eyes lighting up and widening in awe and excitement. “You mean it’s real?!”

“What remains of it is real.” Oliver replied. “The multiverse is under attack, worlds have died, or are dying, and it won’t be long before this one is next.” 

“What do you need me to do?” Lena asked without hesitation. 

Alex smiled at the younger woman and waved at the computer banks where Brainy sat. Oliver continued his briefing. He had spent the last eight months or so going from Earth to Earth helping the Monitor recruit heroes to help fight what was the equivalent of his twin brother, the Anti-Monitor. Leonard ‘Leo’ Snart, the third man with Oliver, they knew came from Earth X. While Tom had come from an Earth where Oliver was killed and he’d taken up the mantle of the Green Arrow to continue his step brother’s promise to protect Starling City. 

Alex noticed the way Lena had looked at Oliver and Tom, the look of guilt on her face, the way she dropped her head so no one would notice her looking at them. “Lena.” She said softly while the others continued to work out a plan of some sort. “What’s wrong?” 

Lena sighed and shook her head. “It’s nothing, I’m fine.” 

“You knew our Earth’s version of Ollie?” Alex pressed gently. 

“Not well.” Lena answered while she worked on linking the DEO and L-Corp’s satellites so they could get better, more powerful scans of what was going on. “Our families ran in the same social circles.”

“Seeing them has you pretty shaken up.” Alex pointed out. 

Lena sighed because it was clear that Alex wasn’t going to leave her alone until she told her. “I was there the night they were killed. Lex took me along. I didn’t know why he took me at first, he never took me to things like that, but he insisted. I was thrilled that he wanted me to go.” Lena sighed and shook her head. “I should have known something was going to happen. I should have known he was up to something.” 

“What did he do?” Alex asked gently. 

“He outed Jonas and Tom as a couple to their fathers.” Lena shivered at the unwelcome memory. “Then made me watch the fallout because he found out about Mary McKenzie, my boarding school roommate.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “They were never sure which of them had been driving that night. The car hit the tree so hard they were both thrown through the windshield.” 

“This Lex person sounds like a real bastard.” Leo Snart said, causing both women to jump. When they both turned to glare at him he held up his hands in an ‘I mean no harm’ manner. 

“He was.” Alex growled. “And I hope he’s suffering in the deepest depths of hell.” 

Leo looked at Alex with a raised brow, his piercing eyes darting between the two women before smiling his most charming smile and holding out his hand to Lena. “Leo Snart, at your service.” 

“Lena Luthor.” Lena replied as she accepted the handshake. 

Leo raised Lena’s hands to his lips and smiled at her after kissing it. “An absolute pleasure Ms. Luthor.” 

“How does Ray put up with your endless charm?” Alex teased the other man. 

Leo chuckled. “He loves me therefore he is willing to put up with a lot.” 

“Where is Ray?” Alex asked next. “Is your Earth…” 

“Gone.” Leo told her. “But Ray is safe, he’s on Earth-1 with Barry trying to figure out things with their brain trust.” 

Alex reached out and put her hand on the man’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Leo, but I’m glad you and Ray are safe.” 

None of them were safe. The strange out of control weather really had just been the start of things. Soon phantom silhouettes of other Earths began to appear in the skies above, and then the purple haired man Oliver had asked about, Pariah, showed up and things started getting worse. 

Lena was feeling more than a little like she was out of her depth here, but she didn’t let that stop her from contributing to trying to save their world. She simply had to keep focused, use more boxes, and remind herself there were people she loved who needed her to remain on point.“There seems to be some kind of tether between this Earth, ours, and this one.” 

“That must be Earth-1.” Kara said as she looked over the readouts on Lena’s screen. 

Lena raised an eyebrow. “Do you travel between Earths often?” 

“Oh yeah.” Kara said easily. “At least once a year. Barry started it when he accidently ran to fast and broke through the barriers between worlds. Then there was the time he and Cisco crashed dinner because they needed my help with the Dominators. Then Barry and Iris’ wedding which turned into us fighting Earth X Nazis, that’s how we met Leo!” Kara crinkled her nose. “That one was weird. Earth X me had solar radiation positioning and wanted my heart, and she was married to Nazi Ollie.” 

Lena shot Oliver a look that made Leo smirk and raise an eyebrow. 

“Then last year the Monitor gave a wackadoo the Book of Fate, and this wackadoo kept rewriting reality.” Kara looked over at Alex and then shivered. “I think that one was worse than being married to Oliver, because Alex wasn’t my sister.”

Lena just started at Kara, unsure of what to say to all of that. It was like she didn’t know Kara at all! There was a flicker of anger towards Kara, but she quickly squashed it down. 

“What’s the significance of the tether, Lena?” Alex asked when she noticed Lena getting angry.

Looking over at the redhead Lena answered, “It’s drawing the two Earths towards one another. If they collide, we don’t have to worry about the Anti-Monitor taking us out.”

They didn’t get to discuss more because the room suddenly filled with the sound of DEO agents drawing their weapons. When everyone turned to see what was happening, they watched as a dark haired woman in a dark red uniform with silver and black accents, silver gauntlets, and a glowing silver lasso on her hip, touched down softly.

Lena was quick to make her way towards Donna, shock written all over her face as she called out, “She’s with me!” 

“Stand down!” Alex ordered. 

“What are you doing here?” Lena asked as soon as she reached her friend. She knew that Donna had given up the superhero gig and had no intentions of returning to it. Her friend had just wanted a simple life, an easier life, following the loss of her fiance. 

Donna smiled and shrugged before jerking her thumb over her shoulder to indicate the balcony and the world beyond it. “There are other Earths in the sky, Lena. I had a feeling that whatever was happening this isn’t something someone like me should sit out. This feels bigger than me not wanting a superheroing career.” 

“And just who are you exactly?” Alex eyed the woman suspiciously. 

“She,” J’onn’s voice boomed into the space. “Is Wonder Girl.” 

Donna’s smile only grew at the sight of the Green Martian. “Nice to see you again J’onn.” 

“You too.” J’onn replied with a nod of his head and a warm smile as he shook the woman’s hand in a warriors handshake, just as the young woman’s sister had shown him years ago. 

As if things weren’t bad enough with the strange weather happening all over the planet, Earth-1’s slow progression on a collision course, and the pending arrival of the antimatter energy that Oliver said would erase them from existence, time now seemed to be all out of whack as well. There were reports of mammoths and saber tooth tigers roaming around downtown, and Spanish sailing ships in the harbor. Buildings were reverting into old wooden structures, and there were Model Ts and horse drawn carriages gumming up traffic. The DEO itself experienced one of these odd time merges itself as half the building turned into something out of a science fiction movie. 

“What’s happening?” Alex demanded as half the room turned into a futuristic command center of some kind. 

“I believe half of this space now exists in the future.” Brainy replied as he looked on in awe, and almost homesick expression crossing his face. 

“The future?” Lena asked as she took in the marvels of future tech appearing around her. 

Brainy nodded and was about to explain but was beaten to the punch. “31st century future to be specific.” 

Alex turned on her heel in an instant. “Winn!?”

“Miss me?” Winn Schott asked with a little wave and his crooked little smile. 

Oliver kept disappearing, something about needing to help on the other Earths, taking Tom Merlin with him, but Leo stayed. He stayed and he watched and at one point he just had to say something. With everyone in the command center regrouping yet again he waited until he felt the need to break up the tension. “I have a question.” 

“What is it?” Winn asked, since he’d been the one explaining and thought Leo’s question was meant for him. 

Leo smirked as he waved a hand at Alex, “You, I know you’re gay.” Then he pointed at Donna and narrowed his eyes a bit. “You give off strong bi vibes.” Then he held out both hands and moved his wrists in circle motions as he indicated Lena and Kara, “And there is clearly something going on between the two of you, whether you know it or not. If you want to talk about it, ol’ Uncle Leo here’s for you.” He smiled at Lena and Kara before going on. “Apparently Oliver and Tom were a couple on this Earth. So my question is,” He smirked. “Is everyone on your Earth gay? Because the hubby and I are currently in the market for a new home and a gay Earth would be perfect.” 

Kara and Lena couldn’t look at each other. To much had happened in the months leading up to the crisis, and now that they were in the throws of it, there really wasn’t any real time to even think about feelings, good or bad. With each passing moment their world came closer and closer to destruction. 

Kara had never felt so incredibly overwhelmed before. Even with Oliver’s promises of an army of heroes ready and waiting to help, Kara simply couldn’t fathom how they were going to win this. With each passing hour another Earth disappeared from the sky, another universe snuffed out, countless lives lost, and their enemy just a bit stronger. She no longer just had the weight of her world on her shoulders, but what remained of the multiverse. Even as she hovered high above National City soaking in the sunlight, Kara wasn’t sure she was strong enough to bare it all. But then she closed her eyes and listened. She could hear Alex and J’onn as they commanded the DEO agents whose lives they held in their hands on a daily basis, preparing those men and women who depended on them for leadership and guidance as they prepared to fight and protect. She listened to Nia and Donna out on the streets below as they helped who they could. She listened to Brainy, Winn, and Lena as they worked. Kara focused on Lena’s voice, controlled, calm, reassuring, and yet Kara knew Lena well enough to hear the fear, uncertainty, and even regret. Then she heard Alex again, this time on the phone with Kelly, each of them trying to reassure the other. 

Bright blue eyes flew open as Kara made a decision. Lena could be mad at her all she wanted but she was not going to go a moment longer without telling Lena how she felt. Taking off with a thunderclap of sound she headed for the DEO. Only to be stopped by a massive machine falling out of the sky, landing in the park, and then promptly emitting some kind of shadow monsters that swarmed her like moths to a flame. 

“He knows I’m here.” Oliver said from the balcony of the DEO as he watched the machine rocket towards Earth. 

“Who?” Alex demanded. 

“The Anti-Monitor.” Oliver replied.


	8. Chapter 8

Finding a secluded spot in an empty hallway Lena leaned against the wall, letting her head fall back with a gentle thump. Closing her eyes she took several slow, deep breaths. Everything was happening so quickly and she just needed a moment to allow the rest of herself to catch up with her intellectual self. She genuinely couldn’t recall if it had been hours, days, or even weeks since Oliver Queen showed up saying the end of the world was at hand. Worlds, she corrected herself, the end of the multiverse and hundreds of worlds, trillions of lives. Lena felt as if she were going to be sick. Immersing herself in the chaos had forced Lena to let go of her anger in order to work with Kara and the others to try and stop the utter annihilation of their very existence. And now, while they sat in calm before the storm, in this moment of stillness where she could catch her breath and think of something other than calculations and probailibles, she was starting to realize just how petty and cruel she had allowed herself to become. Alex had said her emotions were valid, that it was alright for her to feel angry, and hurt, and betrayed by the people she loved and trusted. Perhaps she was right, perhaps her feelings are valid, but her actions and behavior lately were not. 

Sliding slowly down the wall until she was sitting on the floor with her legs drawn up to her chest, a position much easier achieved in her black DEO standard issue uniform than it ever would have been in a pencil skirt, Lena started to very carefully sort some things out in her head. The heaviness of the situation and the speed in which it was all happening, was giving Lena a better understanding on why Kara would have needed a safe harbor, an anchor to hold onto when the world went mad, a person she could spend thirty minutes eating a Big Belly burger with before flying head on back into the madness. Understanding this now didn’t excuse everything Kara had done, there was for example the whole kryptonite/harun el situation where Supergirl had lashed out at her while Kara had been nothing but supportive and caring. But even though Lena was angry about all of that, she could at least admit it must have been terribly conflicting for Kara. 

Which brings Lena to the other thoughts and feelings bubbling up from where she’d tried so hard to conceal and ignore them. Why had she allowed Lex to get to her so easily? Would she have allowed herself to get so twisted up if anyone else had told her about Kara, or was it all made infinitely worse because it had come from Lex? It was clear to her now that his final act of pure hatred wasn’t just meant to hurt her, but to hurt Kara as well. He had wanted Lena to turn on Kara knowing that by doing so he would be stealing something vital away from the Kryptonian, the one person on Earth who Kara could be human with. And Lena had played right into his hands. She wanted to scream, to kick something, no, not something. She wanted to beat the hell out of Lex. 

Her stolen moment alone wouldn’t last much longer so Lena got to her feet and found the nearest restroom to wash her face, and set her mind back to the task at hand, before heading back out to rejoin the others. As she neared the command table in the heart of the massive room swarming with DEO agents and heroes, Lena could feel the tension and pressure building all around her. It was evident that something had happened while she was on her break, and an already horrific situation was only getting worse. Stepping up beside Alex, Lena asked, “What’s happened?” 

Alex looked over at Lena and wanted to ask if she was alright but there simply wasn’t time for that at the moment. “Some sort of massive machine just crash landed in the middle of the park.” 

“And we can’t get any sort of reading off of it to find out what it’s doing because it seems to be shielding itself.” Winn added. 

“Perhaps if we got closer to the machine.” Brainy mused. 

Lena nodded her agreement. “If we can’t scan it from here then we’ll just have to have a look at it up close to figure it out.”

“Fine.” Alex agreed. “Brainy come with me. Lena, Winn…” 

“I’m coming along.” Lena said firmly while glaring at Alex, daring her to argue. It was a look Lena had used hundreds of times before in the boardroom, and she was certain it would work here as well. 

“Absolutely not.” Alex replied with a shake of her head. “It’s too dangerous, Lena.” Lena blinked in surprise and Alex chuckled. “I have stared down presidents and generals, and resisted Kara’s puppy eyes, do you think I can be swayed by your corporate face? You’re staying here where it’s safe, Lena.” 

The DEO uniform Lena had on was the same one she’d been given during the Reign incident and Lena had used it in one of her passion projects. Stepping back from the table Lena pressed a sensor on the inside cuff of her right sleeve. From various points on the BDUs, a dark shimmering substance began oozing out and spreading over Lena’s body, forming into armored plating until Lena was concealed in a sleek metallic exosuit. From within the helmet Lena’s voice was clear and crisp as she crossed her arms over her armored chest. “We are wasting time, Director Danvers, and don’t bother arguing. The suit it coded to my DNA, so no, you can not wear it.” 

As soon as Kara found out about this she was going to rip Alex a new one. “Fine.” She grunted. “Lena, Brainy, with me. Winn, get Kara some help out there!” 

Kara hadn’t been alone and overwhelmed by shadow monsters for too long. Once she’d called out for backup over comms, Donna had shown up mere minutes later. Whatever personal feelings Kara had about Donna because of Lena, she was starting to see why Kal was so fond of fighting beside Donna’s sister. The other woman’s power set was impressive. J ‘onn and Nia arrived next, and between the four of them they were able to keep the shadow monsters away from the machine. “Can anyone get to that thing?” 

Alex’s voice crackled to life in her earpiece. “They’re on it.” 

Kara spotted Brainy making his way to the machine first. She knew it was risky sending him, they still knew very little about his technobiology, but she also knew that if they were going to stop that thing Brainy would need to help. Then she spotted the flying exosuit. The suit was obviously Lena’s work, but she was assuming Alex was in it. “New toy, Alex?” 

“I wish.” Came Alex’s reply. 

Kara blinked, while throwing a shadow monster over her head into another shadow monster. The roar of a motorcycle drew her gaze down towards the ground where she spotted Alex in her normal tactical gear. Then her head snapped up to the exosuit making its way to the Anti-Monitor’s machine along with Brainy. Narrowing her eyes, Kara looked into the suit, and her heart skipped a beat as she gasped. “Alexandra Danvers!” Kara yelled, her eyes going wide. “You let her come out here! It’s dangerous!” 

“I am perfectly capable of handling myself, Supergirl.” Came Lena’s voice over the comms. “Director Danvers, Brainy and I will handle the machine. You just keep the guard dogs off our backs.” 

“Lena! Lena what do you think you’re doing?! You’re not a combatant! You’re a scientist! A businesswoman!” Kara squeaked as she tracked the exosuit containing one of the most important people in her life. 

Winn, wanting to be helpful scouted. “She’s Iron Man!”

“Not funny Winslow!” Kara barked. 

“She and Brainy need to reach that machine, Supergirl. They’re the only ones who could even possibly understand how to stop it.” Alex cut in. “So just do as she asked and keep those things occupied.” 

It wasn’t easy. The shadow monsters were relentless. Donna seemed to have the best results in destroying them. After a quick discussion over comms it was determined that it was because Donna’s powers were mystical in nature. Winn relayed this information to Oliver, who returned with some appropriate backup, John Constantine. Sara Lance came along to back up her teammate, and to rescue her Earth-38 friends John was an ally despite his don’t care attitude. Oliver also came bearing bad news. Apparently there was a similar machine on Earth-1, which is why they could only spare John and Sara. 

While the fighters took care of the shadow monsters, Lena and Brainy worked with the ones on Earth-1 who were trying to figure out their machine thanks to a comm link established by Winn. Together with Cisco Ramon and Felicity Smoak they were able to determine what the machines were trying to do and it wasn’t good. 

“It appears that these machines are trying to destabilize the planet on a molecular level.” Lena reported to everyone as they worked on a way to shut the machines down. 

“They’re trying to make the planets phase, kind of like the Flash does.” Cisco added in. 

“Why?” Sara demanded while once again fighting side by side with Alex as they gushed over their new girlfriends between throwing punches and wielding weapons.

“Our planets seem to be moving towards each other at an accelerated rate.” Felicity confirmed after Lena asked her to check on Earth-1’s side of things. 

“It would seem that the machines are trying to merge our worlds.” Lena hypothesized. “Which would destroy them both instantly.”

“Why wait to take out each universe separately with his normal slow easerer when he can kill two birds with one stone quickly.” Kara said, her voice grim. “How do we stop this?” 

“We are already working on that, Supergirl.” Brainy told her. 

Time was not something they had enough of to spare, and matters only got worse because tinkering with his machines seemed to piss off the the Anti-Monitor enough for him to actually show up. A portal similar to the one used by his brother opened in the middle of the park turned battlefield, and he emerged with a roar of anger. He was massive beyond imagination, a looming man in armor that towered over them all like a skyscraper. He ranted and raved about how Oliver had been a pest in his plans to wipe out the multiverse and replace it with his own anti-matter universe, a universe forged in his own image. He vowed that not a single Earth would survive, and not a single hero would be left alive. 

Her universe was in danger. Her Earth was in danger. Once again Kara was facing the total destruction of her home, and the loss of everyone she loved. Alex. J’onn. Eliza. Clark. Lois. Baby Jon who she hasn’t even met yet. Nia. Briany. Cat. Carter. Winn who she hadn’t had more than a few minutes with since his surprise return. James. Kelly. Sam. Ruby. Lena. Lena who has been furious with her for months, but didn’t hesitate when she was asked for help. Lena who put on a power suit and was fighting alongside the others despite this not really being the way Lena fights as a hero. Lena fights with her mind, her brilliance, her caring and compassion. Lena fights to make the world a better place with ideals, not violence. A world they could lose if Kara didn’t do something. Lena, who very nearly got hit by the Anti-Monitor's energy blast, a blast that had just moments ago taken out a whole unit of DEO agents. 

“What is she doing?” Wonder Girl called out as she watched Kara flying across the sky. She let her line of sight move along with the blue and red streak that was Supergirl and gasped softly when the realization hit. “Is she taking him on single handed?! Is she crazy?! That’s a suicide run!” 

Kara knew what she had to do. The Anti-Monitor and his machine needed to be stopped. So Kara hit the massive armored monster with all her might, letting all of her anger and fear fuel her as much as the yellow sun, and she never once let up, nor did she hold back. She fought for her world. She fought for her friends. She fought for her family. She fought for Lena. She could feel his armor cracking, watched out of the corner of her eye as bits and pieces fell off as she ripped them away. As they fought she flew them higher and higher until she suddenly turned them, aiming for the machine, and then used all of her remaining strength and speed to hurtle them towards the ground. Those with powers helped those without to clear the site once they all realized what Supergirl as doing. Some, like Alex and Lena, didn’t withdraw easily, J’onn and Donna had to push them back from the area by force. 

Kara gave the Anti-Monitor one more push with all her might, letting out a scream that rippled the air with soundwaves, sending him rocketing towards the Earth he so badly wanted to wipe out. His armor was destroyed, but as he continued on, unstoppable at this point, towards his machine, he had just enough power to fire one last blast in the split second before crashing into his own weapon of mass destruction. 

Lena watched in absolute horror as Supergirl’s body was hit by a blast of energy that sent her flying backwards before she began falling from the sky. She could feel the shockwave reverberating outward from the impact when Kara finally hit the surface, even in the sky where she hovered in her suit. “KARA!” She screamed as she began flying towards where Kara had fallen. “No. No! NO!” She began picking up speed. Her chest hurt, her heart didn’t seem to be beating. “Kara! Kara!” She screamed. This can’t be happening! She can’t lose her! “No! Kara! Please God no!” 

She lands in the crater created by Kara’s impact, the display of her helmet allowing her to see through the thick cloud of dust and debris. She called out, “Kara!” hoping for a response but hears nothing in return. She seeks out Kara’s heartbeat, her eyes flickering over the displayed information projected inside her helmet. Kara’s pulse is weak, so very weak, but Lena finds it and uses it to guide her forward to the center of the crater where Supergirl’s unmoving form lays in a heap. Lena rushes towards her, drops to her knees, and retracts her helmet so they can see each other eye to eye. It’s hard to breath with the dust cloud swirling around them, but she manages to speak without coughing. “Kara!”

A flicker of eyelids too heavy to open, a sliver of blue. “Lena.” 

Lena’s heart starts to beat again as she holds Kara’s bloodied face in her hands. “Kara. It’s alright, stay with me Kara, please.” 

“Lena.” Kara replies, coughing and choking for breath. “I’m sorry.” Each sound is a struggle. “I’m so sorry.” 

“I know.” Lena tells her as her own tears drip onto Kara’s face, leaving little tracks in the dust, dirt, and blood that covers Kara’s skin. 

Kara struggles but she manages to open her eyes fully so she can look into Lena’s. Rao. She loves the color of Lena’s eyes. “I should have told you sooner.” 

“Kara, please, it’s alright.” Lena says with a shake of her head. “We can talk about the whole Super secret later, that doesn’t matter right now. What matters is getting you back to the DEO, safe and sound, and under the sunlamps.” 

“I should have told you that sooner too.” Kara replies, regret twisting her already pain twisted features. 

Lena’s heart stops again. She can’t breathe and it has nothing to do with the dust in the air. 

“Lena.” Kara whispers. “You mean so much to me… I love you so much for who you are... a good, kind, caring person… a beautiful soul…” Kara smiles and uses the last of her strength to reach up and touch Lena’s cheek. “I love you, Lena.” 

Kara’s eyes close, her hand falls, and her head goes limp in Lena’s hands. “NO! KARA! NO!”


	9. Chapter 9

When Kara’s hand falls from her cheek Lena’s heart stops beating, her lungs refuse to take in air, and her mind is suddenly flooded with every moment they had ever spent together. From the first time they met to the moment Lena walked away from her at the awards ceremony. Every word spoken, every casual touch, every smile, every hug rushed through her memory like water rushing through a busted damn. 

_“What about you Ms. Danvers? I didn’t see your name on the byline.” _

_“Oh. Um. Well, like I said, I’m not a reporter.” _

_“You could have fooled me. I hope this isn’t the last time that we talk.” _

_“I hope not either.” _

That smile. Lena had been absolutely dumbfounded by how badly she’d wanted to see that dorky little smile again. She found herself doing things beyond what was normal just to make Kara smile. 

_“So my office is overflowing with flowers.” _

_“Really?” _

_“Yeah.” _

_Her giggle was just as good as that smile at making Lena feel warm inside. _

_“You didn’t have to do that.” _

_“Yeah, I did.” _

She did because she needed to see Kara’s smile, needed to hear her laugh, to feel her arms around her in a hug. She did because she had never had anyone like Kara in her life before, and she needed Kara to understand just how special she was. Lunch dates, game nights, holiday parties, movie nights, all pass through Lena’s mind in the time it took for a teardrop to roll down her cheek and land on Kara’s as she pulled the blonde to her chest. 

_“I’m a Hufflepuff!” _

_“A what?” _

_“My house, I’m a Hufflepuff. What are you?” _

_“I have no idea.” _

_“What do you mean you have no idea? Lena! Here, before we start watching this marathon you have to take the Sorting Hat quiz! I bet I know what house you’re in! … Well?” _

_“Ravenclaw.”_

_“Called it!”_

Kara brought such joy and light, warmth and happiness to Lena’s life. She can’t lose that. She can’t lose her!

Lena’s brain suddenly kicks in, logic pushing sentiment out of the way, and suddenly she knows what to do. Lena carefully lifts Kara’s body into her arms, and then carries her out of the crater in the same bridal style carry Supergirl had carried her in so many times before. Only Kara’s body is limp, and she isn’t able to wrap her arms around Lena’s neck. Her legs dangling over one of Lena’s arms, her head bent back over the other, her hair dangling and swaying as Lena walked. Kara’s arm, the one not tucked against Lena’s abdomen, is flung out in front of them. As Lena clears the crash site she can make out the others as they gather. Alex. Nia. Brainy. J’onn. Donna. Oliver and a blonde woman she doesn’t know. Alex starts towards them, but Lena doesn’t wait for her. She activates her helmet and blasts off, her suit at full power taking them higher and higher. Kara risked everything for them, and now Lena was willing to risk everything for her. With tears streaming down her cheeks, her stomach twisted in fear and guilt, Lena pushed her suit upwards towards the sun. 

He came out of nowhere, forcing her to stop. “Get out of my way, Clark!” 

If he was surprised that Lena Luthor knew who he was, it didn’t show on Superman’s face. “Lena. Your suit won’t protect you if you go much further.” 

“I don’t care!” She screamed at him. “She’s going to die! I won’t let her die! She needs to get closer to the sun, but not to close, she needs…” 

He listened to her rattle off the perfect distance from the sun to revive Kara without worrying she’d get radiation poisoning while he floated a little closer. “Let me take her, Lena. Kara wouldn’t want you risking your life to save hers.” He held out his arms for his cousin’s body. “Lena, please.” 

“Where the hell have you been?” She demanded, her tears unyielding. “She needed your help! You left her here to save everyone on her own! Why weren’t you here!” 

“I’m here now, Lena.” Superman said calmly. “Let me help her now, please.” 

She didn’t want to hand Kara over but Lena knew he was right. Her suit was already staining beyond what was safe, and if she went any further she risked falling out of the sky with Kara in her arms. She moved forward, closing the distance between herself and Superman, and carefully placed Kara in his arms. He gave her a thankful nod and then flew off with Kara. Lena simply remained hovering there ignoring the alarms and warnings of her suit’s pending shutdown. 

On the ground Alex didn’t even flinch when Kara’s birth mother landed beside her. She was focused on the spot in the sky where she’d watched Lena take off with Kara’s limp body in her arms. Had Kara been breathing? Alex couldn’t recall seeing her sister’s chest moving. Her heart was pounding in her chest, which felt to tight to even breath. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Alura tilt her head in a familiar kind of way, the way Kara did when she was listening to something in the distance. “What is it?” 

“Kal has taken Kara closer to the yellow sun, but you’re friend’s suit,” Alura replied, turning from where she’d been gazing upwards to look at her daughter’s adoptive sister. “It’s failing, I can hear the warning alarms. Certainly she can as well, but she remains where she is.”

Alex simply nodded. “Lena isn’t coming down on her own without Kara.” There was a moment of silence between them and then Alex asked, “How did you know to come?”

“Winn.” Alura answered. 

Time ticked by slowly, painfully. Alex began to fidget, needing to have Kara safe and sound with her before she could focus on the fight that remained ahead of them. While Kara had destroyed the machine and the Anti-Monitor's power armor, he himself managed to escape into a breach. Finally Alura announced that they were coming and moments later Clark and Lena landed, supporting Kara between them. Alex ran to her little sister, her hands going to Kara’s face, her gaze washing over her sister’s wounded body. “Kara, what hurts? Talk to me.” 

Kara moaned softly in response. “Did it work?” 

Alex bit back a soft sob and a biting remark. Of course Kara would be more worried about everyone else than she was about herself. “Yes, Kara. You destroyed the machine.” She knew Kara’s next question but before Kara could take in enough air to ask it she ordered, “Get her back to the DEO. Now!” 

Clark nodded and with Alura’s help this time, they supported Kara between them to help her fly back to the DEO. The moment she didn’t have Kara beside her Lena collapsed to her knees, her suit retracting back into its casings in her BDU. 

Alex rushed to her. “Lena?!” 

“I’m fine.” Lena said as she tried to push Alex away. 

Alex growled. “What am I going to do with you two!” She scolded as she helped Lena to her feet, throwing the shorter woman’s arm around her neck while wrapping her own arm around her back and under her arm to support her. Leaving the scene to the other heroes, Alex took Lena back to the DEO. 

For now the phantoms of the remaining Earths remained in the skies outside the DEO’s windows. There were only a few left, with Earth-1 being closer than ever, but at least it’s movement had slowed since the machine was taken out. Their Earth was safe for now, Earth-1’s heroes returned to Earth-1, while their own covered for the injured Supergirl, and Rao only knew where the Anti-Monitor went to lick his wounds. Kara was under the sunlamps, weak, hurting, but alive. Her mother sat beside her, Kara’s hand gripped in her own. Lena stood outside of the room watching, relieved to see Kara’s eyes open and a hint of a smile as she spoke with her mother. 

“You can go in you know.” Alex said as she came to stand beside Lena. 

Lena shook her head. “Her mother is with her. I don’t want to intrude. Besides, I’ve no idea what to even say. It’s… It’s been so long since we’ve even said hello to one another without fear or anger between us.”

“You don’t have to go in there and try to hash out everything that’s happened since Lex tried to tear you apart.” Alex advised. “I just think that right now with everything going on, a few moments with your best friend is just what you both need before things get fucking crazy again.” 

On the other side of the glass wall Alura suddenly stood, leaned down to kiss Kara’s forehead, and then made her way out of her daughter’s room. She smiled at the two women standing in the hall. “Kara would like to see you.” When Lena’s eyes cut to Alex, Alura shook her head. “She would like to see you, Lena.” 

Lena turned to look at Alura, her warm smile and kind eyes. She had met Alura Zor-El once before, but as Supergirl’s mother. Now that she knew this woman was Kara’s birthmother, she suddenly found herself looking for Kara in her features. “Thank you.” She finally replied softly. It took a moment or three for Lena to steel herself up enough to walk into the room. There was so much between them, so much hurt and pain, but so much more than that too. For the first time in months she wanted to focus on the the good between them, if any remained. 

Kara watched as Lena made her way closer and gave her a small, careful smile. “Hi.” 

Lena walked over and sat on the stool beside Kara’s bed. “Hi.” 

“Thank you.” Kara said after several awkward moments had passed. “For saving my life.” 

“Your cousin saved you.” Lena protested. “He took you close enough to the sun to stabilize you.”

“It was your idea, Lena.” Kara’s voice was a bit more firm as she looked into Lena’s eyes. “You would have taken me yourself despite your suit not being able to handle it. Don’t down play what you did, Lena. You saved my life.” 

“I didn’t do anything you haven’t done for me countless times before.” Lena replies softly. “Though I seem to have forgotten that for the last several months.” 

“Lena.” Kara began but was quickly cut off. 

“When this is over.” Lena spoke up, slipping her hand into Kara’s. “We’ll talk.” 

“Promise?” Kara asked. 

Lena nodded. “Promise.” 

When Alex walked in and saw Kara’s hand in Lena’s she sighed a huge sigh of relief, at least an inward sigh, she had a reputation to protect after all. As she approached the bed she smirked and asked, “Does this mean you’re not mad at us anymore?” 

“I’m not sure yet.” Lena answered, half teasingly and half honestly. Her relationships with Kara, Alex, and the others, weren’t going to be so easily fixed. That terrifying moment of watching Kara nearly sacrifice herself might have helped Lena pull her head out of her ass, but she still had a lot of feelings and emotions she needed to sort out and work through. “Why?” 

Kara looked at her sister for a long moment and then laughed until she had to stop because it hurt. “She wants a power suit.” 

Alex bobbed her head with a huge grin. 

Lena chuckled. “Who do you think I was making it for in the first place?” 

After leaving Kara and Alex alone so Alex could yell at Kara for risking her life like that, Lena went to her lab to be alone for awhile. She was overwhelmed, her body hurt, her feelings were a hurricane threatening to sweep her away. She needed a few minutes alone to catch her breath and re-organize her thoughts and emotions, repack a few of her mental boxes and place them back on their shelves. Now was not the time to try and sort everything out, she needed to focus on the crisis at hand. When this was all over with and they were all safe and life could go back to normal, then she could try sorting through it all. 

She was alone just long enough to make a cup of coffee before there was a knock on her lab door. She was expecting Winn or Brainy, maybe Alex, but when she turned she found Superman standing there. Superman with a small boy, of about one year in age, in his arms. Lena blinked; then she straightened and looked the Man of Steel in the eye. “Is there something you need, Mr. Kent?” 

“No.” Clark said with a warm smile as he stepped further into the room. He looked down at the boy in his arms and then up at Lena again. “This is my son. Jon. He was born on Argo. His life is on Argo.” He said, looking into Lena’s gaze with warmth and a soft smile. “Kara told me how you helped defeat Lex and save Argo. I just wanted to take a moment while we have it to say thank you, Lena. Thank you for helping keep my son safe.” 

Lena was stunned, so much so that she forgot to keep her face under control. While she stood there wide eyed and at a loss for words, Clark was moving closer to her. When he was within arms length of her he shifted the baby in his arms so the little boy, Jon, was looking at her with his big blue eyes. They weren’t as blue as Kara’s, but they were close. She recalled taking in Alura earlier, and she realized the blue eyes must be a House of El trait. Clark was still smiling at her, and before Lena could even think of objecting he was putting the baby in her arms as he spoke.

“Jon, this is Lena Luthor.” Clark said to his son with a huge reassuring smile meant to sooth not only his son but Lena, who looked a bit terrified, as well. “She is an honored friend of the House of El.” 

There was a soft puppy like sound from the doorway and when Clark moved out of the way Lena could see Kara standing there, leaning against the doorframe. Instantly her shock was replaced by concern, but she had enough sense left to remember she had a baby held awkwardly in her arms.. “Kara, what are you doing out of bed?” 

The sight of Lena holding a baby did unexpected things to Kara’s heart. Hearing her cousin say she was a friend of their family, that made her heart sing. “I heard Lois talking to J’onn on the balcony.” Kara admitted. “I heard her say the baby was here, so I followed the sound of Kal’s voice because I wanted to meet my new cousin.” The smile on her face as she walked across the room to Lena and the baby was brighter than all the suns of all the Earths looming over their heads. Reaching out she offered a finger to the baby boy and smiled when he grabbed hold of it. “Hello little cousin.” 

“Kara Zor-El, meet Jon-El.” Clark said as he watched Kara interacting with his son for the first time. “Kara Danvers, meet Jonthan Samuel Kent.” 

Lena gladly handed the baby over to Kara. Clark’s gratitude, him placing his child in her arms, Kara’s presence, it was all adding to how overwhelmed she was feeling. So while the two Krypotians reunited she slipped out of the lab in hopes of finding that empty hallway again. Kara had nearly died, and in that moment as she held Kara against her chest Lena realized that losing Kara would have ended her as well. 

She couldn’t find the exact spot she’d found earlier, the DEO was a bit of a maze before it became entwined in time with the Legion HQ, now she had no idea what she was about to walk into. But she did manage to find a spot to be alone, at least for a few moments.

“Twizzler?” Winn asked as he held out an open package of red licorice. 

Lena, who’d once again sank to the floor with her back against the wall, looking up at the man and blinked. 

“They don’t have these in the 31st century.” Winn told her. “And the machine around the corner is the only one in the building who has them. I cleared it out.” He smiled at her warmly as she continued to blink up at him. “Ya know, when I first started working here, Vasquez use to find me hiding under a stairwell in the back hallway of section B.”

That got Lena to her feet and standing straight up. “I am not hiding.” 

Winn held up his hands in surrender and then once again offered Lena a piece of his coveted candy. This time she took one and he smiled. “This shit gets pretty overwhelming, especially when everyone involved is someone you care about. I got people in two different centuries waiting on us to figure this out. That’s a lot of pressure.” 

Lena bobbed her head in agreement as she took a bite of the red licorice stalk in her hand, and then crinkled her nose a bit at the flavor. 

“Oh don’t tell me you’re a Red Vine person, Lena.” Winn teased at the face she made. “You’re cooler than that.” 

“No, Winn, it’s just,” Lena sighed. “I can’t seem to recall the last time I ate anything at all.” 

Winn cringed. “Don’t let Alex hear you say that. You’ll just get her into mother hen mode, and we don’t need that on top of Director Badass mode. Come on, let's go grab something from the breakroom. I know where Kara hides all the best sandwiches.” 

The next time Oliver appeared he told them that Kara had weakened the Anti-Monitor, and now was the time to start taking the fight to him. When asked how they were meant to do that, he told them they were still working out the details and he needed some of them to come with him. Supergirl, Superman, Alex, J’onn, and Lena. Kara really didn’t like pulling Lena further into this, but the look on Lena’s face told her there would be no talking her out of coming along. There was a steely determination about Lena as she stood with Alex that Kara had never seen before. For a moment she honestly felt pitty for anyone stupid enough to get in Lena Luthor’s way right now. 

Kara had expected Oliver to take them to Star Labs on Earth-1, or maybe the warehouse where they’d assembled for their first team up, but instead he took them to what appeared to be the inside of a spherical ship. It was large and expansive, with several levels of catwalks that ringed the open space where Kara and her team now found themselves. She stood forward as leader of their little group and tried to look serious but it was really hard when she’d just heard Lena whisper, “Fucking hell it’s the Darth Star.” 

“Not quite, Ms. Luthor.” A woman’s voice said from above them. 

When Kara looked up she found a woman with long flowing blonde hair and a familiar face standing at a computer terminal. “Director Michaels?” 

Oliver shook his head. “She isn’t our Lyla.”

“The Green Arrow is correct, Supergirl. I am not the Lyla Micheals of Earth-1, director of Argus, wife of John Diggle, mother of John Jr. Nor am I the Lyla Micheals of Earth-38, who was rescued at sea not by the Monitor, but by Amazons; Historian, warrior, and teacher of young Amazioan princesses. I am from an Earth that no longer exists, one in which the Monitor saved me, and then raised me as his own, so that I may help him in saving the rest of you.” As she spoke she descended from the catwalk on a hovering disk. When she reached the same level as the heroes she smiled at them. “Here I am known as Harbinger.” 

“Yes, yes, yes, lovely exposision.” A male voice called out from somewhere nearby. “But an utter waste of time, no one cares.” 

That voice sent ice through Lena’s veins. It caused Alex to step closer to the raven haired woman, and drew Kara closer as well. This was impossible, it couldn’t be, it just couldn’t be him.

“Well, this is disappointing.” Lex said as he drew closer to his sister. “Lena, really? Why are you with them? Why isn’t she dead?” He jabbed a finger in Supergirl’s direction. “They lied to you, betrayed you, and yet here you stand alongside them? You were suppose to pick up where I left off and kill the bitch, not join her team!” He sighed dramatically. “You are such a disappointment, Lena, really.”

“You’re dead.” Lena said, her voice surprisingly firm. “How are you here?” 

“Ahh, my death.” Lex’s voice was almost dream like for a moment before the ice cold disappointment returned. He looked at Supergirl and smiled, “She killed me you know, not that fall after our little shuffle. No, I managed to escape that, used borrowed Daxam tech to teleport to my compound, where Lena, my dear baby sister was waiting for me.” He turned to look at Lena again. “I was so hoping that you’d finally reached your full potential, Lena. You didn’t even flinch when you shot me in the chest. Double tap,” He tapped his chest twice.”While I was on my knees no less, one glorious moment of you being a true Luthor.”

Reaching for her sidearm Alex removed it from it’s holster and held it out to Lena. “Wanna shoot him again? If not I will.” 

“Mr. Luthor is needed for my Father’s plan…” Harbinger began but Lex cut her off. 

“Oh, no, sweetie,” Lex said with a thick layer of slimy charm. “While I’m grateful that your master brought me back to life and all, I’m not here to save the world” He turned to look at Kara and Clark. “But I just knew that you two wouldn’t be able to help yourselves. No, the only thing I’m here to do is kill Kryptonians.”

“Enough!” Boomed a voice from above. Everyone, even Lex, turned to watch as the Monitor made his way down to them from somewhere far above their heads. “We do not have time for petty feuds and ridiculous prejudices. If you will not help, Lex Luthor, than I will put you back where and how I found you.” 

“No thanks.” Lex replied. “I really didn’t care much for being dead.” He watched as the Monitor placed himself between him and the Kryptonians, clearly preventing him from doing anything to them or his sister, so Lex sighed. “I think it’s time I took up a better offer with more like minded associates.” He saluted the Monitor. “Thanks for the resurrection, big guy.” 

They watched as Lex disappeared in a flash of light. Lena surged forward to where Lex had been standing, there was nothing there. “Where the hell did he go?” 

“Lex Luthor no longer matters.” The Monitor said coldly. “The only thing that matters if stopping my brother. You Lena Luthor were able to decipher his machine, and you, Supergirl, were able to weaken him. We must focus on that. Our task is to find where he is hiding and take the final fight to him.” 

“Lex is too dangerous to be let loose!” Lena replied.

Walking over to the other woman, Alex put her hand on Lena’s shoulder. “We’ll get Lex, Lena. I promise. But the Monitor is right, we have to stop his brother before we can stop yours.” 

“So how do we find the Anti-Monitor?” Kara asked as she came to stand on Lena’s other side. “He could be anywhere in the Multiverse, not to mention anywhere in time.” 

Oliver actually cracked a smile. “Then I suppose it’s a good thing I know some people who know some things about multiverse travel, and time travel.” 

The Monitor nodded his approval. “Yes, my Herald, yes. Take them to Earth-1. Locate my brother, summon your allies, and we shall finally end this.”


	10. Chapter 10

There were only five Earths left. Their Earth, Earth-38. Oliver and Barry’s Earth, Earth-1. Harry and Jesse Wells Earth, Earth-2. Earth-12 and Earth-22, which no one knew much about, but since they still existed Oliver went to see if he could find help on them. Lena had joined the brain trust, as Oliver called them, and was working on a way to locate the Anti-Monitor. Kara had been helping as well, offering up what she could remember of her scientific studies from childhood, but of course they weren’t going to be allowed to brainstorm in peace. Warning alarms were going off all over Central City. 

“How are there this many bad guys?” Cisco moaned as his eyes flickered from one flashing red alert signal to another, to another.

Alex called up a live CCTV shot and groaned. “I don’t think these are all your bad guys.” 

“Is that Malefic?” Kara asks as they watch a Green Martian terrorizing people on screen. 

J’onn nods. “We need to stop him before anyone else gets hurt.” 

So many worlds lost, countless lives snuffed out as easily as a sigh extinguishing a candle’s flame. How many of those lost universes had Kryptons that survived the fate of her own, only to be erased by a madman? How many of those Earths had a version of Alex, or Eliza, or Lena, that no longer existed because the heroes of some other Earth weren’t fast enough to save them? And now, with everything that’s at steak, now, the villains of the Earths that remained were making a power play? No. Absolutely not. Kara was so far past done that she was struggling to keep herself in check, so she made a point of targeting villains she knew she could unleash on. Red Tornado for example. 

“How the hell did they get their hands on him!” She yelled into the comms as she was sent hurtling through the air by the military android with a grudge against her. 

“Idiots.” Came a cold hiss over the comms. “Don’t they understand that if we can’t stop the Anti-Monitor, there won’t be any Earths left to lord over?”

“They could be working for the Anti-Monitor, Frost.” Barry said next. “Working as a distraction to keep us from finding him while he’s weak.” 

“Well,” Cisco cut in. “If that’s the plan it’s working. That green guy Supergirl and Manhunter were looking for has been spotted in Gotham.” 

Somewhere on the ground Barry cringled. “Oh, that’s not good. There’s enough crazy in Gotham without adding super villains from another Earth.” 

“It’s alright.” Supergirl replied as she delivered a dumpster of broken Red Tornado parts off at the lab for proper containment. “J’onn and I will head to Gotham and deal with Malefic.”

They had a Gotham on their Earth, and while it wasn’t a bright and shiny city like National CIty or Metropolis, it wasn’t the dark and gritty sinkhole that this Gotham was. Though as Kara flew over the city looking for J’onn’s brother, she thought she could see some improvement since the last time she’d been here. She wondered if maybe Kate had something to do with that. As she scanned the streets below for Malefic, two things caught her attention at once. The first was the very distinct sound of a fight, one in which Kara could clearly make out the crunching sound of a nose impacting with an armored boot. The second thing she noticed was a brilliant blue energy source lighting up a dark alleyway not far from where she was. 

“Go!” J’onn told her. “I’ll find my brother and deal with him. You see what that is.” 

Supergirl nodded and then shifted her tragentery towards the light show. The sight that greeted her was an emotionally conflicting one, but there was no doubt that below her Batwoman was up against Livewire, or at least some other Earth’s version of Livewire. This Leslie had short spiky blue hair, printer paper white skin, and neon glowing blue eyes. She wore a black gymnast style leotard with a light bolt cut out to show off way too much cleavage, black boots that went up to her thighs, and gloves that seemed to help her control her powers. Even the woman’s high pitched voice as she taunted Batwoman was different than the Leslie, Kara knew, but when she saw the woman’s face, it was still Leslie Willis. 

It doesn’t take much for Kara to find a large enough water source and bring it back to the fight. She just needs to get Batwoman’s attention, give a slight jerk of her head upwards, and wait for the black clad vigilante to grapple off the ground before unloading her wet payload on top of Livewire, shorting her and her powers out. 

Perched on the edge of the tallest building sandwiching the ally Batwoman looked up at the floating blonde and shook her head. “I knew one of you would show up as soon as those other earths appeared in the sky. What did you people do this time?” 

“We didn’t do anything!” Kara huffed defensively. “It’s this big bad called the Anti-Monitor. He’s systematically taking out every universe in the Multiverse because he wants to build his own anti-matter universe. We’re trying to stop him!” 

“Of course you are.” Batwoman replied. She rolled her eyes but then smiled up at Supergirl. “Well, I’m glad you’re the one who showed up. I much prefer you over the boys.” Looking down at the unconscious but twitching body below she asked, “Friend of yours?” 

“Not mine.” Kara replied with a shake of her head. “She must have come from one of the remaining Earths.” 

Batwoman groaned as she made her way down to secure the woman. “Gotham has enough trouble without borrowing more from other earths.” 

“It’s not just Gotham.” Kara told her. “Central CIty, Star City, they’ve all got their hands full, and I can only imagine that it’s like that on my Earth too.” 

“And yet you’re here.” Batwoman said as she looked up at Kara. 

“Yeah, but I left my Earth in good hands, so I’m not to worried.” Kara smiled. “Oliver’s gathered up an entire collective of heroes. We’re going to take the fight to the source, as soon as we find him.”

“I’m guessing things around here aren’t going to get any better until the pep squad has won the day?” Batwoman asked as she crossed her arms over her chest. Kara bobbed her head and she couldn’t help but smile. “I suppose I can help then.”

“I wouldn’t exactly call us a pep squad.” Kara was smiling again. She hadn’t smiled this much since before Lena confronted her about being Supergirl. “I mean, we have Oliver, he kind of takes the pep out of everything.” 

Batwoman let her eyes roam over Kara as she smirked. “You also seem to have lost the cheerleader skirt. New suit’s nice, but I gotta admit, gonna miss that little expanse of thigh between the boots and the skirt.” 

If Kara blushed any hard her cheeks would match her cape. “So, um, help, right, we should find out how, um, you can do that.”

As it turns out tracking a genadendal monster with a god complex through space and time required a lot of computing power. While Star Labs was state of the art, and Smoak Tech was providing processing power, they still needed more. Luckily Batwoman had a fix. Kara follow her to the outskirts of Gotham, to a large abandoned manor house, that quite frankly gave Kara the creeps. As they made their way past the manor to a secret entrance Kara couldn’t help but ask, “Who’s home is that back there?” 

Kate’s reply came through their comm link since she was far below Kara on her motorcycle. “No one’s anymore, but once upon it a time it use to be my cousin’s place.” 

“Still no idea where he is?” Kara asked gently. 

“No.” Kate sighed. “I want to say it’s like he dropped off the face of the earth but given current circumstances that doesn’t seem appropriate.” 

“It could be eerily possible.” Kara agreed.

There was a massive complex of caverns and caves under Wayne Manor, with a lot of weird stuff displayed all around. Glass cases full of uniforms, a giant penny, a life size t-rex. Kara wanted to ask about all of it, but now wasn’t the time. They were here for the massive computer that she now stood in front of with wide eyes and mouth slightly agape. “I know some people who would love to get their hands on that.” 

Kate chuckled. “It’s old, but I think it’ll do what you need it to do.” She said as she pulled her cowl and wig off. After setting them aside she ran her fingers through her natural hair and then started working on trying to get the old rig to start up and work. “I just need to gain access to it. For some reason this setup is more secure than the one I’m using.” She hummed softly before adding, “Maybe I should call Luke. He’s the tech support, I’m more field ops.” 

“Or,” A male voice called out from the shades. “You can get out of the way and let me do it.” 

Supergirl and Batwoman spun around in unison, their capes fluttering with the movement, to find the source of the voice. They were both surprised, but neither showed it, to find an old man most likely in his mid to late sixes standing in a small pool of light. He wore a dark tailored suit, and held a cane in front of him, both hands gripping tightly to the handle. Batwoman produced a batawang as she demanded, “Who the hell are you and how the hell did you get in here?” 

The old man moved closer and squinted his eyes as he stared at Kate. After a long moment he hummed a gruff sound before saying, “You have a familial resemblance to my mother, you must be a Kane.” He drew closer still, which made Kate tense up and Supergirl move closer to her. “Which one are you? Katherine or Elizabeth?” 

“Katherine.” Kate replies. “But no one but my step-mother calls me that. I’m Kate.” She added as she walks down the dais steps towards the old man. “Bruce?” The old man nods. “I know you’re the older cousin, but this is taking things a little bit too far don’t you think?” 

“Earth-12 or 22?” Kara asked as she walked down to stand beside Kate. 

Bruce looked over at Kara, taking her in with a critical eye, and then answered. “12.”

“Do you think you can get this thing up and running?” Kate asks. 

Bruce nods and makes his way to the chair. “I can. Though I’m not entirely sure how I feel about giving access to any Batcomputer to a Luthor.” 

That set Kara off. Who the hell was this old man to judge Lena? He didn’t know her, he didn’t know a damn thing about her! What right did he have to come from some other earth and pass judgement just because of her name? “Lena is not just a Luthor. She is better than the Luthors. She is a brilliant scientist, with the biggest most compassionate heart of anyone I have ever met. She happens to be one of the biggest philanthropists on our Earth, who single handedly turned L-Corp into one of the leading humanitarian tech based companies in the world. In fact L-Corp has a better reputation than Wayne Tech on my world. So excuse you, that Luthor is trying her damndest to save your judgement ass.” 

Bruce grunted. “A Super defending a Luthor. It really is the end times.” 

Kate looked over at Kara and blinked. Kara’s cheeks were flushed, she could see her pulse throbbing in a vein on her neck, and her breaths were coming short and quick. She wasn’t just annoyed, she was angry, and perhaps even insulted by old man Bruce’s rather simple remark. Kate couldn’t help but smirk. Perhaps she had been right about Kara and the flirtiness of their last encounter. She was intrigued even more by the alien superhero now. 

Once the Batcomputer was linked and helping to compute the algorithms the brain trust came up with, Kara returned to Central City with Kate in tow. She was more than a little surprised to return and find a second Superman, especially since this one, from Earth-22 apparently, looked nothing like her Kal and a lot like Ray Palmer of all people. Like the Bruce Wayne who stayed back in Gotham to man the Batcomputer, this Superman was older. Apparently on Earth-22 this Kal-El’s life diverts from her Kal-El when Lois is killed in an attack on the Daily Planet by a villain called the Joker. When the Joker was killed, and the self proclaimed hero who murdered him was aquitted, Kal retreated to his family farm, his faith in everything he believed in shattered. He laughed as he explained that it took Diana, Wonder Woman, ten years to coax him off the farm. He rejoined the League, and over time he and his best friend fell in love. He’d been given a second chance at having a happy life with Diana and their children. He would do anything to save them. 

“Well, we have a way to find the Anti-Monitor, now we just need a way to get to him.” Lena said once they were all gathered together. 

Sara smirked. “I got it covered.” Raising her hand to the earpiece in her ear, she said, “Hey Babe, we’re gonna need a pick up.” 

They were going to need to break up into teams. There were still too many villains wreaking havoc all over the place to leave Earth-1 unprotected. Batwoman said she’d lead that team. “I agreed to leave Gotham to help you people out. I’m not leaving the damn planet.” 

After a bit of arguing it was decided that with the exception of Oliver, Tom, Sara, and Ava, everyone with powers, be it meta, alien, or magic based, would go after the Anti-Monitor. Everyone else would handle protecting the Earth. As they gathered outside Star Labs in preparation of boarding the Waverider, the tension was high. This was it, this was their Hail Mary, their last change. They were so close to ending this one way or another and they could all feel it. Soon this whole crisis would be over, but for one of them, the end would not come soon enough. As they stood there in the cool night air of Earth-1’s Central City, they watched in horror as Earth-22 disappeared from the sky. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t her Kal, the roar of grief and pain that ripped out of the man as his world disappeared instantly had Kara gathering the man into her arms and holding him. 

Witnessing Kal’s grief sent those around them to the ones they loved. The Waverider crew gather around Sara and Ava. Barry held Iris in his arms, as their friends drew closer. Leo took his husband’s hand and held it as tightly as he could. Alex put her arm around Lena, J’onn put a hand on each of their shoulders. Clark put his hand on Kara’s shoulder. And those who didn’t have someone they were close to on hand, bowed their heads respectfully. They didn’t have a lot of time for grief, but they could spare a moment.

It was a mission not all of them would be coming back from. Team Flash feared it would be Barry in a way that was different than the other teams. It was almost as if they were expecting and fearing it would be him. In a hidden room in the back of a hidden house Felicity feared it would be Oliver. The Legends left behind feared it would be their Mother of Misfits, another member of their family lost to them in an act of heroic sacrifice.

Alex was absolutely terrified of a life without her sister. Standing alone on the balcony outside the lounge of Star Labs she grabbed the railing with all her might, her eyes closed, her words soft. “Rao guides us to those we love, he gives us strength when we have none, and in the darkest places he guides us.” She doesn’t remember it all, just bits and pieces, important pieces. “Rao protect her, so she may protect others.”

“I didn’t think you were the praying type.” Lena said gently as she joins Alex. 

“I’m not.” Alex replies as they stand shoulder to shoulder, gazing up at their Earth, so close, so beautiful in the night sky. “Kara can be though, and when things get this bad, she recites this prayer to Rao that her mother taught her. I don’t know, I guess, hearing her say it is comforting, so I just thought...”

Lena watched Alex shrug, and then she closes her eyes allowing herself a moment to do something very rare for her. She let herself remember, a soft voice with a beautiful Irish lilt, the warmth of strong pale arms, long raven hair that smelled of plumerias. “May the blessing of light be upon you, light on the outside, light on the inside, with God’s sunlight shining on you, may He watch over you and keep you safe.” 

Alex turned to stare at Lena with wide eyes. “I really didn’t expect you to be religious. It really doesn’t seem like something the Luthors would be, ya know?” 

Lena laughed, a little bitterly, but mostly in a sad sort of way. “The Luthors were not, by any means, religious.” She sighed, her voice dropping to a revenant whisper. “But my mother was. My real mother.”

Alex wasn’t really sure what to say to that, so she simply put her hand over Lena’s on the railing, and together they waited. 

Mixing matter and antimatter usually results in violent consequences – the two annihilate one another in a fierce burst of energy. The same goes for a battle between Monitor and Anti-Monitor, the result of which was Multiverse shattering. 

Everything went blindingly white. 

Then deathly black. 

Cold. 

Empty. 

Nothing...


	11. Chapter 11

No one other than those who were there on the front lines remembered what truly happened. No one remembered other earths appearing in the skies above. No one remembered the skies turning pink, and then growing more and more red as their worlds were swallowed up by antimatter energy, to be lost and forgotten forever. As far as everyone who survived was concerned, there had only ever been one earth, one universe. But Lena remembered, or at least for a little while longer she did. After they had all, everyone, even those who had gone on the mission, awoken on the cold hard floor of Star Labs, Harbinger had told them that over time they too would forget there ever was a multiverse. In time they would all remember the Crisis as a massive coordinated attack on major cities by metahuman and super powered villains, lead by a being who had taken out countless other worlds; a being known as Brainic. 

Standing on the balcony of her penthouse Lena looked up at the star speckled sky. It was almost hard to believe that just a few days ago those stars, this planet, and everyone on it was nearly wiped out of existence. It was hard to wrap her head around the fact that she had come within a hair’s breadth of losing everyone and everything in her life. This Crisis was so unlike anything she had ever faced before, there had been something just so, final about it. The utter and complete annihilation of everything had rattled her enough that Lena had no choice but to confront her feelings about a lot of things, and not just things concerning Kara, but feelings decades old that were no longer contained in their boxes. Coming so close to nonexistence brought up feelings as old as the grief, guilt, and anger over her mother’s death, and the loneliness and pain of being raised by the Luthors, to the fear and anger of seeing Lex again and having him tell the others she killed him. Bastard really couldn’t keep a secret. 

Standing on her balcony, her gaze shifted from the stars in the sky to the lights of National City. Lena felt envious of the denizens of this new world, blissfully living out their lives unaware of everything that happened and how close they all came to extinction. Out there among the sea of window lights a student was studying for exams, a mother was tucking in her child, siblings bickered, couples fought and made love, and hundreds of other mondade and spectacular things that make up a life lived. And not a single one of those people were aware of how close they came to losing their child, their siblings, their parents, their lover; but Lena was. Lena was hyper aware of what she had nearly lost and the thought of it twisted at her stomach. Lena had nearly lost it all, and it would have ended with the people she loved thinking she hated them. 

Lena had been brave enough to put on a power suit and fight for her world, but was she brave enough to take on something far more scary than the Anti-Monitor? The fact that Lena had just compared dealing with her feelings to a universe ending mega supervillain said a lot. Pulling her phone out of her back pocket Lena sent Jess a text with a phone number that asked her to set up an appointment for her as soon as possible. Then she slipped her phone back into her pocket, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. It was going to rain soon, and that made Lena smile. A good hard rain to wash everything clean before the start of a new day, she liked that thought and held on to it for several minutes while she gathered up her courage. 

Opening her eyes Lena looked up at the stars above and quietly said, “Kara.” 

Three minutes later the view of the stars was obscured by a blue suit, a red cape, and flowing blonde hair. “Lena?” 

“Got a minute to talk?” Lena asked softly as she looked up at the woman floating just off her balcony. 

“I’ve got as many minutes as you need.” Kara replied as she slowly descended, touching down on the balcony just a few feet from where Lena stood. 

Lena led them inside, closing the balcony doors behind them. When she turned to face Kara, she eyed the supersuit and then asked, “If you wouldn’t mind, I’d rather do this between you and me.” 

“Of course.” Kara replied. 

There’s a look of near panic on Kara’s face that nearly made Lena smile. “Your things are in a box in the closet.” 

Kara flashed Lena a tiny smile before super speeding off to change into whatever clothes she’d left behind at various times and for various reasons. Since Lena was wearing jeans and a soft looking sweater, Kara choose a pair of jeans and the comfy black and white flannel she’d been looking for for the last six months. When she returned to Lena’s living room mere moments after leaving it, she had her hair pulled back in a ponytail but she wasn’t wearing her glasses. 

“Tea?” Lena asked when she felt the breeze caused by Kara’s super speed. When Lena turned to face her she was a little taken aback by the missing glasses. 

“Sure.” Kara replied. She watched Lena force herself to look away, and then walk over to the coffee table where a tea service was placed. Lena sat in the center of the sofa after pour out two cups up tea, and for a moment Kara was unsure of where she should sit. After chewing her lip for a bit she decided on the plush chair to the right of the sofa. Kara didn’t know what to expect, and she was feeling really nervous. Finally after several awkward moments of uncomfortable silence Kara spoke, “Lena.” 

At the same time as Lena said, “Kara.” 

Kara couldn’t help the tiniest of smiles that tugged at her lips before she said, “You go.” 

Lena chewed her lip for a moment and then began, “I have confronted you hundreds of times in VR, but no matter what I said or what I did, I never once felt better afterwards. A lot of the times, when I let myself give in to my darker thoughts and go to far, I felt physically sick afterwards.” She was staring into her tea as she spoke, only glances up at Kara for a few seconds at a time for fear of losing her nerve. “I’ve been wearing my anger like armor, and each time I went into that world I was reinforcing that armor.” Lena paused to look down into her cup again. She watched the ripples in her tea caused by her trembling hands for a few seconds and then she looked up at Kara again. “When I saw you fall out of the sky, big pieces of that armor fell away, leaving me with a whole hell of a lot of very complicated and complex emotions that I’m really not able to handle.” 

“Lena.” Kara said softly as she lend forward in her chair. She really wanted to reach out, to touch Lena, but she wasn’t sure it would be welcomed so she resisted the urge.”I am so sorry. I…” 

“I know you are, Kara.” Lena replied, cutting Kara off. “But simply apologizing to each other without confronting things isn’t going to help things between us.” Setting her tea on the coffee table, Lena sighed softly as she leaned back and pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes. “But I’m not even sure where to start.” 

Kara nodded her agreement as a flicker of hope began to spark to life in her heart. Lena wanted to make things better between them! Or at least that’s what Kara heard and what she was going to cling too. “Ok.” She bit her lip, racking her brain for a place to start. “Lena, look at me. Just look at me and say whatever comes to mind first, and we’ll start there.” 

Again Lena sighed, but she sat up and shifted her seat a bit so she was looking directly at Kara. She looked into her eyes, traced the lines of her face, a face unobscured by her glasses. It was strange seeing her like this, not quite Kara, not quite Supergirl. Two halves of the same whole, like Janus from Roman mythology. And then, just as Kara had said, she spat out the first thing that came to mind. “You two faced bitch.” 

Kara squeaked. “What?” 

“You were all over me about the Kryptonite and the Harun El as Supergirl, and then you would turn right around and be the supportive and understanding best friend as Kara!” Lena’s voice rose as she began to glare at Kara. “That’s just further proof that you didn’t trust me, Kara!”

“I did trust you, Lena!” Kara argued back. “Why do you think I took it so personally when you kept making things that would hurt or even kill me! And why do you think I cared so much about the tension between us? It was tearing me up inside, Lena!” 

“Then why didn’t you tell me the truth then?” Lena demanded. 

“Because I was afraid I’d lose you!” Kara admitted. “Because I didn’t want to be one of the people who let you down. I didn’t want to be someone who hurt you.” Kara stood, unable to just sit there as the tension built in the room. “In the back of my mind every time I thought about telling you I’d hear this voice telling me that you would hate me, that I would destroy everything between us, and I couldn’t bare it, Lena. I just couldn’t!” 

“I don’t suppose that little voice sounded like my mother?” Lena asked as she watched Kara begin to pace. 

Kara stopped, turned to look at Lena, and blinked at her. “Lillian may have given voice to my fears once or twice, so yeah, I suppose it did.” Walking back over to the chair she retook her seat with a sigh. “We are both incredibly stubborn, Lena. You would have never opened up to Supergirl about the way she was making you feel, but you did to Kara, and that helped me to realize I was allowing my fears to get the better of me. Supergirl can’t be weak, Lena, because Supergirl can’t fail. People could die if I failed as Supergirl. The people I love could die if I failed as Supergirl. You could die if I failed as Supergirl. I can’t ever take that chance, Lena.” 

For several long minutes Lena simply sat there staring at Kara as she sorted out what Kara had said and how it made her feel. Then she asked, “Do you carry all of that around with you all the time?”

“Yes.” Kara admits softly. “My parents failed to save Krypton, they failed to keep me and everyone they loved safe. I won’t make their mistakes.” 

“That’s why you needed me not to know.” Lena said after a long moment to think about what Kara had just said. 

“Yes.” Kara replied. 

For a long time Lena just start there, thinking, sorting through her upended boxes, picking and choosing emotions and thoughts she could understand. Kara had never looked at her as anything other than simply Lena. She treasured that. Just as Kara must have treasured how Lena simply saw her as Kara. It was a rather simple concept to grasp, and yet she’d chosen not too. Why? 

Looking up at Kara, Lena didn’t know what to say so she asked, “Wine?” 

“Yes, please.” Kara nodded. 

Getting up from the sofa Lena headed for the kitchen but suddenly stopped and turned back to look at Kara. “It doesn’t affect you does it?” 

“No.” Kara answered, looking up to meet Lena’s eyes. “But I find the taste and ritual of it comforting.” 

Lena nodded and then continued on to her kitchen to get a bottle of wine and two glasses. When she returned there was a bottle of something clear near Kara’s end of her coffee table. She didn’t verbally ask, but she did raise an eyebrow at Kara. 

“It an alien alcohol I can add to the wine.” Kara told her. “I want us to remain on even ground here, Lena.”

They sat in silence for awhile as they sipped their drinks. It was going to be a long night, they both could feel it, but they were both ok with that if the night ended with even the smallest amount of forward movement into making things better between them. Finally Kara looked up and over at Lena and asked, “Why did you ask if my doubts and fears sounded like Lillian?” 

“Because she told me what she said to you.” Lena answered honestly.

“When?” Kara asked next. 

“A couple of months ago.” Lena answered. 

Kara blinked again. “You know where Lillian is?” 

Lena nodded and then explained after taking a gulp of her wine. “When the new administration asked me what they could do to thank me for helping deal with Lex and the Kaznians, I asked them to allow me to handle my mother’s continued incarceration since the pardon Lex arranged was invalde. I then had her moved to a secure location of my own design where she could live out her sentence in a style more accustomed to what she’s use too.” 

Again Kara blinked. She felt a flicker of anger because the DEO had been wasting time and money looking for Lillian. She also felt a wave of confusion and curiosity. “Lena, why didn’t you tell us? And why go out of your way for her like that?”

“Well,” Lena began as she gently clinked the ring she was wearing against her wine glass. “As far as not telling the DEO, I was pissed at you and Alex.”

“So you’re hiding a murder and terrirst from the authorities out of spitefullness.” Kara accused. 

“And bitchiness.” Lena said with a nod, not bothering to deny that she was being petty. “However, I am not hiding her from the authorities, the DOJ is fully aware of her status, just not her exact location. I simply didn’t feel the need to inform the DEO.” 

Kara sighed, pinched the bridge of her nose, and shook her head. “Do you know how many man hours and funds went into looking for her?” 

Lena felt the need to defend herself, her tone became a lot more snippy as she said, “Lex ruled over what was supposed to be the best most secure supermax this country has in operation like he was a goddamn king, Kara. He came and went as he pleased, controled everyone from fellow inmates to the fucking warden like they were his playthings. He indoctrinated Red Daughter, manipulated Lockwood, and nearly took over the whole damn country from his prison cell. So I made damn sure that Lillian couldn’t do the same.”

There was a certain look Lena got when she talked about having to right all of her family’s wrongs, a kind of emerald fire that burned in her jade eyes. Kara could see it now. “Ok, so maybe I can understand that. I can even understand your reasons, your need to protect the world from her, but why keep her in comfort and luxury?” 

That question made Lena deflate, her shoulders slumped and her head dropped before she stood and walk across the room to her marble fireplace. She reached down to flick the fireplace on, though she could have just done so from the touchscreen control panel built into her coffee table. She just needed to busy herself with more than just pressing a button. Lena hated the answer to Kara’s question. It was a question she asked herself time and time again. Lillian had neglected and abused her from the second her father had brought her into their home. She’s murdered people, tried to shoot men, women, and children into space simply because they weren’t human, has tried to kill Kara repeatedly over the years. So why had she seen to Lillian’s comfort? And why did she bother to visit? 

Sitting on the edge of the black marble ledge Lena sighed and said, “She told me she loved me.” 

“She did?” Kara replied as she moved to sit on the coffee table across from Lena. Resisting the urge to be closer, to touch her friend in comfort, was getting harder and harder for Kara, but she managed for now. 

Lena nodded, but then kept her head tilted forward a bit to hide her eyes from Kara. She didn’t want the other woman to see the glimmer of budding tears. “Alex let me borrow a baby Truth Seeker when I was trying to save James. I used it on Lillian and during our normal snide banter she told me she loved me.” 

“And with the baby Truth Seeker attached to her, she couldn’t lie.” Kara said softly. “That must have been conflicting to say the least.” 

Lena snorted at that. “I’m nothing but conflict these days.” 

For a long time the pair just sat there across from one another. Neither looking directly at the other until Kara finally looked up to see Lena just as she wiped a tear from her cheek with announce. Kara couldn’t take it any more and moved from the coffee table to a spot beside Lena.  
With Kara sitting right beside her Lena could feel the familiar warmth of her body, smell the scent of her perfume, and she was hit with just how much she missed Kara’s presence. “I feel really stupid about the whole thing.” She admits, her voice soft and thick. “The woman says I love you, and I’m like, here have a million dollar home to live out your prison sentence for being a domestic terrorist.” 

“You are a good, kind hearted person, Lena.” Kara tells her firmly. “You shouldn’t ever feel bad for that.” 

Lena snorts again, and forces herself to move away from Kara. Good. Kind hearted. She laughs bitterly as she refills her wine glass. “I’ve spent the last six months punching you in the face, blasting you with kryponite canons, and fucking your sister in virtal reality.”

Kara blinked. “Ok, first off, the Alex thing, gross!” Kara shuddered. Then she stood up and walked over to Lena. Putting her hand on Lena’s shoulder, she gently turned her so the other woman was facing her. “As for the other stuff, you were angry, and you said yourself that doing those things made you feel physically ill. You could never do those things in real life, Lena.” 

“Don’t! Kara, don’t do that! Don’t defend me like that!” When she saw Kara was about to speak up she threw out, “Fuck Kara! I’ve been using Donna to hurt you! Right here in the real world, I made the choice to use my friend to hurt you because my mother implied you might have feelings for me!”

Kara took a step back and sputtered, unsure of what to say, or even think. 

“I fucking murdered my brother, Kara!” Lena continued, her voice raised, just shy of screaming. Holding her arms up as if displaying all of herself to Kara she said, “There is no good or kind soul to be found here.” 

For several seconds the two just stood there staring at each other. Outside the rain that Lena had predicted began softly thumping against the protective glass that gave Lena a spectacular view of the city. It was all out there now, her actions in VR and the world, cast out for Kara to judge. Lena couldn’t breathe. Finally after what felt like an entirely Kara took a step towards her. 

“I killed my uncle.” Kara said bluntly. “Non.” The last part of Lena’s confession was easier to handle than the one regarding any feelings that might be had, so Kara chose to tackle that. “My Aunt Astra’s husband. He was trying to use Kryptonian technology to enslave every human on Earth, and to keep me out of the way he used an alien plant called the Black Mercy. It puts you in a dream so perfect you never want to wake up from it. It does that because it’s slowly feeding off of you until you die.” Kara closed her eyes for a moment, still haunted by the experience. “Alex saved me, she pulled me out of the dream and saved my life, and I’m grateful for that, but I had to lose my parents and my planet all over again.” Kara was flexing her hands as she spoke but she didn’t really notice. She was focused on Lena. “I had to stop him, I had to save everyone, but I didn’t have to kill him. I made that choice, it was a split second choice in the heat of battle, but I knowingly and willingly made it. Because he had hurt me, he had hurt my aunt, he was hurting Alex and Eliza, James and Winn, Lois and Lucy, Cat and Carter, and every other human on this planet. So instead of incapacitating him, I gave in to my anger, my fear, my grief, and my rage and funneled it all into my heat vision and I didn’t stop until he was dead.” 

Kara was trembling. Lena couldn’t stop herself from reaching out to place a hand on Kara’s arm. 

“Lex was a dangerous man, Lena.” Kara said after a long moment of just the two of them looking into each other’s eyes. “I do wish you hadn’t killed him, but not for the reason you’re probably thinking. He was like Non. Nothing short of death would have stopped him. You knew him well enough to know he’d have an escape plan that would allow him to crawl off and hide to lick his wounds, giving him time to plot and come back to hurt even more people. You stopped him, Lena, you protected the people you love and everyone else. I just wish you weren’t faced with having to live with that now.”

“I suppose,” Lena’s voice was soft and shaky. “Since the bastard didn’t stay dead, it wasn’t technically murder, just attempted murder.” 

“None of us see it that way, Lena.” Kara reassured her. “Hell, I think Alex is trying to find a way to get you a medal for it.” 

Lena’s soft, sad, chuckle helped to break the heaviness surrounding them. “I wasn’t really sure in the moment but when she handed me her sidearm I thought I saw a hint of pride in her eyes.” 

Now it was Kara’s turn to laugh and lighten the mood a little more. “Alex says she can relate to Steve on Stranger Things because, and I quote, “I keep collecting little shithead dorks to take care of and protect.” I think it’s safe to say you’re one of her little shithead dorks.”

“Steve is an amazing mom.” Lena smiled and when Kara smiled back she felt a little piece of her shattered world fall back into place. “I bet Alex loved Robin.” 

“Spoilers!” Kara squeaked as she covered her ears. 

Lena blinked. “Spoilers? Kara, haven’t you watched season 3?” 

“No!” Kara whined. “I was waiting for you stop being mad at me so we could watch it together like we always do! But appearly you watched it without me!” 

Despite the fact that Lena was laughing, what she really wanted to do was cry because she missed this. She missed Kara and everything they shared together. Lena still felt unsteady, unsure, and overwhelmed, but she also felt like maybe the ground under her was finally solid again. It also felt like they had taken a good first step towards putting their pieces back together, though it would be slow and tedious work, it would be worth it in the end. “I can’t make any promises, Kara.” Lena warned as she looked into Kara’s eyes. “We have a lot to work out, and in order for me to do that, there’s a lot of stuff I need to work on for myself first. But maybe, maybe I wouldn’t mind if you stopped by the office with a donut or a cheeseburger, and we could watch one of our other shows together.” 

Kara did her best to keep her smile somewhat under control as she nodded and said, “We can start off small, ya know, like She-Ra and then gradually bump it up to like Nailed It or something. You just have to tell Jim and Jess to stop throwing me out of the building.” 

“I can do that.” Lena said with a nod. “Just give me a little more time first. I promise I’ll let you know when I’m ready.” 

“I’m not going anywhere Lena.” Kara promised. “Take as much time as you need for you, to make things right for yourself. I’ll be there when you call. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I just wanted to give you all a heads up. I have started my final semester as an undergrad working towards a B.A. in History, which means I have a 25 page research paper ahead of me. So updates might come a bit slower, but hopefully not to few and far between, but I do ask that you bear with me. Thanks to all of you for reading and commenting and there is so much more to come. 
> 
> Cheers!  
~Reese


	12. Chapter 12

She’d pulled into the parking space ten minutes ago, but hadn’t even taken her hands off the steering wheel yet let alone actually gotten out of the car. Lena just sat there alternating between drumbing her fingers against the steering wheel and gripping it so tightly her knuckles turned white. This wasn’t what Luthors did. They didn’t try to deal with their issues, they simply piled their shit onto other people when it became too much for them to carry. They self medicated with alcohol and the belittlement of those seen as weaker than them. They didn’t take accountability for their actions, they didn’t give credence to their emotions. Their problems were always someone else’s fault, never their own. And if they hurt, if they were in pain, they made sure they didn’t suffer alone. Lena didn’t want to be that kind of Luthor, she never wanted to become that kind of Luthor, but in the aftermath of the reveal of Kara’s secret, that’s just who she had become and it made her stomach churn. 

Bringing her hands together at the top of the steering wheel, Lena leaned forward and rested her forehead against the backs of her hands. She didn’t want to hurt anymore, and she didn’t want to hurt anyone else anymore. That’s why she was here. But she was afraid, afraid of the unknown, of the experience, of what she might dig up and find. The thought of getting out of the car and heading into the building looming in front of her was a terrifying. Deep down she knew she needed to do this, that she wanted to do this, but she was struggling with taking that first step. A lifetime of being raised a Luthor was keeping her rooted in place. 

When her phone started ringing Lena jumped. Glancing at the touch screen on her dashboard she instantly relaxed and smiled at the picture of Sam and Ruby that was displayed, indicating that it was Sam calling. Reaching out she swiped the green connect icon, and her smile grew when Sam’s face appeared on the screen. She was about to say hello but didn’t get the chance.

“Lena Kieran Luthor!’ Sam scolded in full mom voice. “Why am I just now hearing from a concerned third party that you’re not ok? What’s going on with you?” 

Lena blinked, caught off guard by Sam’s tone and the force of her worried concern. Startled into autopilot Lena managed to respond with a raised eyebrow and an, “I’m fine, Sam. Everything’s alright.” 

“Bullshit.” Sam replied as she looked Lena over with a critical eye. Because Lena was using the screen and camera on her car’s high tech dash, the angle of Sam’s view was different than what Lena normally allowed. Now that she could see more of Lena, and not just her face, Sam knew she hadn’t been seeing things.“You’ve lost weight.” She said in a matter of fact way. “You spend more nights working than going home, which means you’re not sleeping, and before you deny it, even over video call I can tell you’re using more make-up than normal to cover up the dark circles. You’ve pushed nearly all of your friends away. You haven’t come to see us in ages, and calls are few and far between. Jess said she hasn’t seen Kara since the whole Lex thing. Lena, honey, what’s going on? And why haven’t you said anything to me about it?” 

“Is Jess this concern third party?” Lena asked, clearly annoyed with her assistant. 

“I’m not about to reveal my sources to you.” Sam replied stubbornly. Then she softened her voice, letting her concern shine through. “Lena, please, what’s going on with you?” 

Lena sat back in her seat and sighed. She was fairly sure Sam didn’t know about Kara and Supergirl so she couldn’t go into detail about that, but she did at least offer, “I’m not fine, Sam. I’m a long way from being even close to fine.” She could feel the telltale sensation of budding tears and quickly closed her eyes against the burning sting. “I’m so tired of it all, Sam. I don’t want to be like this anymore.”

“What do you mean, Lena?” Sam’s concern was quickly turning into fear. 

Lifting her head up and opening her eyes Lena looked at Sam. “I want to change things, Sam. I want, I need to figure out a better way before I completely lose myself. I’m just not sure I’m strong enough or brave enough to do this.” 

“Now you listen to me Lena Luthor,” Sam’s voice was much softer this time. Soft and confident, and full of love for her friend. “You are the strongest, bravest, woman I know. You fought for me, protected me, and saved me from Reign. You fight so hard to help others, Lena, I wish you would fight that hard for yourself. And honey, you don’t have to do it alone, it’s alright to ask for help.” 

Lena took in a deep shuddering breath and glanced out her windshield to the building in front of her. Then she looked back at Sam’s face on the screen, so full of love and caring, and she nodded. “I don’t know how you knew I needed to hear that at this very moment, but I did, thank you Sam.” 

“I love you, Lena.” Sam reminded her. “What are you going to do?” 

“Something that, quite honestly, I should have done a long time ago.” Lena replied. She smiled at Sam, a reassuring smile to let her know that she would be ok. “I’ll call you later, I promise, but right now I have an appointment to keep.” 

“You’d better.” Sam warned. “Don’t make me come to National City, Lena. You’ve poked the Mama Bear in me and I will come all the way across the country to take care of your ass if I have too.” 

Lena laughed. “I love you, Sam.” 

“I love you too.” Sam replied. “Call me!” 

Lena ended the call, took a deep breath, then reached over to the passenger seat and picked up her purse. With a bit more confidence and courage than she’d had ten minutes ago, she opened the car door, stepped out, and made her way towards the front door of the warm, welcoming building with the sign out front that read, National City Center for Health and Wellness. Her new found confidence stayed firmly in place right up to the moment where she actually had to turn the doorknob of the office door. Closing her eyes, Lena took two deep breaths, then opened the door and stepped into the waiting room. There was no receptionist just a touch screen tablet mounted to the wall across from the sitting area. Lena walked over to it and checked in and then crossed over to the sofa and took a seat to wait. 

She didn’t have to wait long before the door opposite the door she’d entered through opened and the occupant of the office within stepped out to greet her as Lena shot to her feet. 

“I’m glad to see you, Lena.” Kelly Olsen said warmly as she stepped aside and gestured for Lena to step inside. The office was warm and inviting, full of light from the large windows, calming, with a central focus on the sofa and chairs seating area that Kelly was leading Lena towards after closing the door. There was a desk in the corner, bookshelves, end tables, and a coffee table littered with books and nicknacks. It looked more like the living space of an apartment than a doctor’s office. “Can I get you anything? Coffee, tea, water?” 

“Coffee would lovely, thank you.” Lena hoped her voice sounded teasing before she cracked a nervous smile as she sat down on the sofa. “It would be even better if you could make it Irish.” 

“Afraid the strongest thing I have to put in it is peppermint mocha coffee cream.” Kelly replied easily. She was use to nervous first timers, but she also made a mental note to at some point poke gently at Lena about alcohol consumption.

“So,” Lena said when Kelly handed her a mug. “What happens now?” 

Kelly smiled reassuringly as she took her seat across from Lena. “We talk. Why don’t we start simply. Tell me about your morning.” 

After putting out a special edition of the magazine that dealt with the Crisis as the world knew it, the staff was given time off to check in with family and friends if they wanted it. Kara hadn’t needed to take time off to travel to be with her loved ones. Once Eliza had arrived they were all there with her and Alex in National City, but she knew that Donna had. Kara had been curious about the Amazon’s home and had asked Clark about it, but despite having been close friends with Donna’s sister for years he knew very little about their home. He knew it was an island, that their culture was old, and that Diana and Donna’s mother was queen. So not only was Donna a super powered superhero, an Amazon of myth, and a talented award-winning photojournalist, she was a princess as well? Now Kara really wanted to get to know her better, and not just because she wanted to make sure the other woman was good for Lena. 

After hearing that Donna had returned Kara headed up to her office to fill her in on the little project Donna had assigned her before she left. As she approached she could see a young man in the office with Donna, and before she could remind herself that eavesdropping was rude, Kara was listening in.

“Did you honestly think you could slip an article like that into the issue behind my back, Mr. Dey?” Donna demanded. 

“It’s a good article.” William Dey replied firmly. “It’s solid, upfront, and…” 

“Garbage.” Donna said, cutting him off. “This trash is nowhere near CatCo standards, Mr. Dey. If you wish to keep your employment here I suggest you bring your work up to meet those standards. If you are unwilling or incapable of doing so then might I suggest taking your talents to one of those hack online publications Obsidian is producing.”

“This is bullshit.” Dey argued. 

“Excuse me?” Donna replied. 

“The only reason you’re refusing to publish this is because of Lena Luthor’s connection to these paramilitary organizations.” Dey accused. “Organizations like that need to be exposed as one of the reasons we’re constantly under attack.” 

“Those organizations just helped to save are asses, Mr. Dey.” Donna replied, her voice firm, threatening, intimidating, but not raised. “They lost people, a lot of good people, and I am not going to allow you or anyone else to cause their families more pain by publishing an article whose only intent is to bash the sacrifices those men and women made for us.” 

Kara smiled proudly as she listened to Donna and knew without doubt that Cat would be pleased with the hands her legacy was in. Then Kara cringed because Dey muttered something about Donna’s qualifications after being dismissed once she was finished with her verbal lashing of the arrogant reporter. 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Dey, what was that?” Donna said, her voice low and cold. “I’m just a photographer who only got this job because I’m what? Fucking a Luthor?” 

Dey had been at the door and Donna at her desk when he’d muttered it under his breath. When she spoke he froze. “You…” 

“Heard that? Yes. I have excellent hearing.” Donna replied, now standing as she glared him down. “That was strike three, Mr. Dey, so before I fire you, let me educate you a little. I have degrees in Comparative Media Studies and Writing, as well as Global Studies and Languages from MIT. I have an MBA from Harvard. I have worked at Wayne Enterprises, and the U.N., and I have managed a freelance career that’s seen my work published in several world renowned magazines. My photography has been displayed in museums and galleries in New York, London, Paris, Athins, and Berlin.” She paused after giving the highlights of her resume, and then continued. “My qualifications and experience are the reasons I’m here, Mr. Dey. Your arrogance and attitude are why you no longer have a job.”

The anger rolling off Dey as he passed her was palatable. Kara had been butting heads with William Dey since the first day he arrived after being hired by Snapper Carr before Snapper up and retired. After watching Dey disappear, presumably to clear out his office, Kara turned her attention back to Donna’s now open office doors. Should she go in or wait? She knew from being around Cat and Lena, that going into their offices while they were still mad wasn’t always the best idea. Her choice was taken out of her control, however, when Donna called out her name and asked her to join her. Once in the office she looked at Donna sympathetically. “That was an unpleasant welcome back.” 

“Not the first time I’ve had to set someone straight like that, and it won’t be the last.” Donna said with a heavy sigh while sinking into her desk chair. 

Kara nodded in understanding. “How was your trip home? Everyone alright?” 

“Thankfully yes.” Donna nodded as she flicked a switch on her desk that closed her office doors. “I wasn’t sure how this New Earth thing would affect Themyscira, given it’s unique placement in the world, but it seems to have fallen into alignment with everything else.” She paused for a moment as she sat back in her chair. “Though I did find one strange thing.” She bit her lip. “Kara, does Director Michaels still exist?” 

Kara tilted her head in that inquisitive way of hers as she replied, “Yes, Lila is still here. In fact she and Diggle are in the process of adopting the son of one of their fallen allies. Why?” 

“Because our Lyla Michaels still exists as well, though her story isn’t as I remember it.” Donna explained. “She was still found at sea as a baby, only this time she wasn’t alone. She had an older brother, and since males aren’t permitted on the island, he was given to an ally of my mother’s to be taken back to the mainland, while the baby girl was kept and raised as an Amazon. I did a little digging when I got back, and it turns out the older brother becomes Director Michaels’ great-grandfather.” 

“Wow.” Kara replied, wide eyed. There was so much in what Donna just said that she wanted to know more about, but she had no idea where to even start asking questions. “I wonder what other changes we’ll come across.” 

“Hard to say.” Donna replied. “And I doubt we’ll figure much out before we forget there was a Multiverse whose stories needed merging.” 

Kara nodded solemnly. “It seems unfair to those we lost that we won’t remember them or the real reasons we lost them.” 

“Kara.” Donna said softly. “I’m, I’m really sorry about Oliver.” 

“Thank you.” Kara said, her head dipping a little. She took a moment to remember those they’d lost while she still could and then looked up again and gave Donna a soft, small smile. “I have news about that little assignment you gave me.” 

Donna’s eyebrows arched. “Really? You talked to Lois?” 

“She’s agreed to give CatCo the exclusive on Argo, but she has a condition since it would mean not giving it to the Daily Planet.” Kara said with a nod. 

“Of course, it’s only fair since the Planet is her home publication.” Donna nodded for Kara to go ahead and tell her what the condition was. 

Kara bit her lip and then said, “She wants to be editor and chief on the issue.”

“The whole issue?” Donna asked, eyes wide. 

“Yeah.” Kara nodded. “I think it has a lot to do with that whole rivalry thing between her and Cat.”

Donna laughed. “Yeah, I can see that. Ok, well, hmm, I need to think about this, so I'll handle Lois. I actually have a new assignment for you. The articles you’ve done on Lena in the past, those were really good. I liked the angles you took to tell her story, and I’d like you to do something simulator with other up and coming women of power.” 

Kara’s interest was peaked. “Go on.” 

“The first one I’d like you to feature is Kate Kane. She has just recently taken on reviving Wayne Enterprises following her cousin’s sudden departure and subsequent disappearance from public life.” Donna explained. “What makes this even more intriguing is that by taking on a position at Wayne Enterprises, it puts her in direct competition with her own family’s company, Kane Industries, which is headed by her step-mother, Catherine Hamilton-Kane. I’d like you to head to Gotham and see if you can get Ms. Kane on the record.” 

“Absolutely!” Kara replied, excited by the story idea and the chance to see her friend again. 

Donna smiled. “Great, I’ll make sure your travel arrangements and accommodations are taken care of, and that you’re company expense account is topped off. If this goes well, it would be nice to turn it into a series. Carol Ferris could be a future possibility to think about.” 

Every time Kara visited Gotham she had the same chicken and the egg question. Was it Gotham that turned its citizens all dark and twisty, or was it the people that called Gotham home that turned the city into the grim place it was? Even in the middle of the day with the sun at its highest, it felt as if the city had a shadow cast over it. She felt that hint of darkness the first time she’d ever come to Gotham, back when she was seventeen and exploring colleges with Eliza. And she felt it now, as she made her way across town from her hotel to Kate’s building. Kate wasn’t sold on the in depth interview just yet, but she absolutely wanted to have dinner with Kara. 

Kara had expected Kate’s penthouse to reflect the bold and brash woman she had gotten to know during their last two encounters, but right off the bat she discovered that Kate Kane was far more complex than she could have imagined. Nestled on the doorframe was a beautiful blue and white pewter Mezuzah which indicated that Kate’s apartment was a Jewish home. Once inside Kara noticed other things like a collection of Bonsai trees and well manicured miniature roses in beautiful island themed pots. Kara smiled, so there was a softer side to Kate. 

They started off with light conversation and teasing, but as the night went on and they each became more comfortable they really started taking the time to get to know one another. By the time they were settled onto Kate’s leather sofa with her favorite cocktail and the best cheesecake Kara’s ever had, Kate decided to just dive right in to more personal topics. “So,” She said, eyeing Kara with a smirk. “What’s up with you and Lena Luthor?” 

Kara squeaked as she choked on a bite of cheesecake. “Me and Lena?”

“Yeah,” Kate replied, ducking her own head to keep eye contact when Kara ducked hers. “I was getting a lot of mixed up, confused vibes from the two of you. I couldn’t tell if you were a couple, an ex-couple, friends, or mortal enemies. I almost gave myself whiplash trying to figure out your dynamic.” 

Kara set her dessert aside and picked up her drink even though it wouldn’t do much for her. “Lena’s my best friend, but she’s hurt and angry, and really kind of messed up right now, and it’s my fault.” 

“How is it your fault?” Kate asked. “I honestly can’t see you hurting anyone, Kara.” 

“I’ve been lying to Lena since the day we met.” Kara explained. 

“Let me guess,” Kate cut her off. “She didn’t know Kara Danvers was Supergirl.” 

“Not until last year when her brother told her.” Kara sighed. “When she found out, it devastated her. Lena was raised by the most hateful, hurtful people, and yet she has the biggest, kindness, most compassionate heart.” Kara dropped her gaze and sighed again. “But she also has a lot of trust issues. She trusted me, confided in me, opened up to me in ways that left her vulnerable. Meanwhile, I was keeping this huge piece of me a secret from her.”

Kate took a sip of her drink and then said, “You must have had your reasons, Kara.” 

Kara nodded, and then looked up at Kate as she explained, “At first it was to keep her safe. I’ve had people use Alex against me in the past. I didn’t want to put Lena in that kind of danger. But Lena isn’t helpless, she’s actually pretty good at keeping herself safe. Then I was afraid to tell her, afraid that I would lose her if she found out.” Kara bit her lip for a moment and then said, “And then there’s the real reason I didn’t tell her.” She sighed. “I liked being human with her, I liked just being me with her. If I told her about Supergirl, I would lose that, and I just couldn’t bear it.” Kara sighed deeply, sadly. “I really don’t want to lose her, Kate.” 

Kate hummed softly as she smiled at Kara from over the rim of her glass. “I knew the first time we teamed up that you were either on my team or a switch hitter.” She let herself look smug for a moment. 

“Huh?” Kara replied, a little confused at Kate’s seemingly off remark following what she had said. When Kate’s meaning clicked she blushed. “Oh. I’ve never really thought in terms of labels for myself. Sexurialy on Krypton isn’t like it is here on Earth. Embryos are created and gestated in artificial wombs, so sex doesn’t really play a part in reproduction. Marriage is social or political, it’s more about the well being of the House or family than it is the individuals, so if two people are compatible, and their match is what’s best for their House or family, their gender doesn’t matter. As for actural sex on Krypton it’s about pleasure, intamacy, and desire, so your personal attraction to a person, wither that person is the opposite sex as you or the same sex, is totally up to you and what you want.”

“Talk about advanced civilizations.” Kate said, a little in awe of the ideals Kara had presented. 

“In some ways we were.” Kara agreed. “When I arrived on Earth and had to hide who I was, I had to do everything I could to be as normal as possible so I wouldn’t draw attention to myself.” 

“So you played it straight.” Kate replied. 

“Kind of.” Kara shrugged. “I am attracted to people, to who a person is on the inside, and I find beauty in everyone.” 

“So you’re Pan?” Kate asked. 

Kara thought about it and shrugged. “I suppose so, if we have to label it at all, I guess that works.” Kara frowned deeply as she admitted. “I wish I hadn't played it so straight, as you said, because I think my sister would have had an easier time coming out if I had been more open about myself.” 

“You beat yourself up a lot, do you know that?” Kate responded. “I couldn’t quite figure out why you seemed so off, like someone had sucked all the sunshine right out of you. Now I think it’s because you’re drowning in guilt over Lena, and I don’t think it’s all because you wanted to keep her as a safe space for yourself.” 

For a moment Kara looked a bit startled at how easily Kate seemed to be able to read her. Then she figured it must have something to do with Kate’s training and abilities. She would have to be able to read people to do what she does in and out of the suit. “Two years ago our friend Sam nearly died. Lena developed a way to help Sam, but those ways, in the wrong hands, could have caused me great harm. It scared me, not just the idea of getting hurt or killed, but the thought of failing the people I love. I lashed out at Lena as Supergirl. I… I even used the one thing I knew would hurt her against her. I called her out for being a Luthor. I can’t believe I said that. The moment it came out of my mouth I knew I’d made a huge, unforgivable mistake.” Kara chewed on her lip again, her eyes burning as she blinked back tears. “Her faith and trust in Supergirl had been damaged, but she still had Kara to turn too. I couldn’t tell her who I was. I couldn’t admit that her best friend had said those things and acted that way towards her.” 

“I’ve known a few women that sound a bit like Lena.” Kate said as she looked into Kara’s eyes. “Let me guess, because she’s hurt, angry, and feeling betrayed, she’s being petty and spiteful, and you’re just taking it like a puppy getting kicked?” 

“No!” Kara huffed defensively. Then she deflated a little. “Maybe.” 

Kate shook her head. “That shit isn’t good for either one of you, Kara. You’ve got just as much right to your feelings as she has to hers. If you’re feeling guilty, talk to her about it, don’t simply take what she’s dishing out. If you're angry, let her know why. If you want any kind of relationship with her, be it friendship or something more, you have to do it on even ground, Kara.” 

“I know.” Kara replied softly. “She said she had a lot of work to do on herself before we could work on us. I guess, I do too.” Kara gave the other woman a soft smile. “Thanks Kate. You’re pretty good at this relationship stuff.” 

Kate laughed a loud bark of a laugh. “I guess I’ve learned a thing or two after all the ways I’ve managed to fuck things up.” Then she softened as she asked, “Do you love her, Kara?” 

“I don’t know.” Kara admitted honestly. “I’ve been in love before, or at least I think I have, and it’s never felt like this before.” 

“How does it feel?” Kate asked. 

“Terrifying.” Kara admitted. “Overwhelming. Exciting. Thrilling.” 

Kate laughed again as she refilled their drinks. “Yeah, kid, you’re in love.” 

“Have you ever been in love, Kate?” Kara asked as she accepted the fresh drink. She’d done a lot of personal talking, and turnabout is fair play. 

“Yeah, I have.” Kate admitted. “Safiya was a surreal moment in time, something out of lesbian romance novel. Renee.” Kate’s eyes filled with grief and regret. “Renee could have been it, she could have been my one, but she was killed in the line of duty.” Kate took a deep breath as she shook off memories and ignored old feelings “Maggie. Well, Maggie was my fault, I fucked that up really good. And then there’s Sophie. Sophie’s complicated.” 

“Complicated sucks.” Kara huffed. 

Kate laughed again. “It really fucking does.”


	13. Chapter 13

Sitting at her desk Lena looked down at the simple black and white composition notebook like it had somehow personally insulted her. Her soft jade eyes were slightly narrowed, the bridge of her nose was crinkled, and the corners of her ruby red lips were pointing downwards. It was just an ordinary notebook, she had filled hundreds if not thousands of them over her lifetime. The difference now was that those notebooks had been filled with formulas, ideas, rough sketches of new inventions, and the occasional doodle of slim faced pointy eared dog she’d often dream of adopting one day. This notebook, this prickly interloper of a notebook, had been given to her by Kelly at her session that morning. 

“From now on, Lena, no more putting your thoughts and feelings into boxes and suppressing them.” Kelly had said after Lena has asked what the notebook was for. “I want you to start putting them in the notebook. I want you to write it all out. It doesn’t have to be perfect or even sensable prose, I don’t want you to worry about that, or over think it. Whatever you’re feeling, whatever your thinking that has you feeling overwhelmed, or confused, write it out. Pain, anger, joy, happiness, if it’s overwhelming, write it out. Then you can take the notebook, once it’s all out of you and on the page, and put it in a draw and walk away. If you want to deal with what you wrote at a later time by yourself or with me, we can do that, but for right now, I just want you getting used to letting things out and not holding them in to fester.” 

This therapy thing was starting to get messy, letting all these feelings and things out into the open real world. It was messy, and hard, and excusting, and Lena had to admit with a sigh, helping. At least a little. Though she really wasn’t sure about this whole notebook thing, it felt childish somehow. What was she supposed to do? Write, ‘dear diary, today I felt mad because an old white man belittled me for being a woman even though I could buy and sell his company before he had time to look up from my boobs. I still miss my best friend but she’s still a lier mclierface. And my mom is such a bitch.’ Lena rolled her eyes, though the thought did amuse her enough to tug a bit at her down turned lips. Picking up the notebook Lena groaned softly as she dropped it into her bag just as the intercom on her desk chirped. 

“Yes Jess?” She called out after pressing the button to connect to Jess’ end of the line. 

“Director Danvers is here, Ms. Luthor.” Jess’ voice responded. 

Lena took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Send her in Jess, thank you.” 

Alex didn’t bother hiding the concern that was etched onto her face as she walked into Lena’s office and over to the other woman’s desk. “Lena?” She said softly. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing.” Lena replied as she pulled a flashdrive from her bag and held it out to Alex. 

Alex blinked as she looked between the flash drive in Lena’s outstretched hand and Lena’s face. Reaching out she took the flash drive without hesitation. “What’s this?” 

Lena bit her lip for a moment and then replied, “Lillian’s location, a complete dossier on how I’ve been maintaining the site, as well as the software and schematics for how I’ve been monitoring her and ensuring her confinement.” 

Alex blinked again. When Lena first called and asked her to come to her office, a tiny part of Alex hoped it was about the power suit. The rest of her had no idea what Lena had wanted to see her about. Kara had told her about Lena calling her over to her penthouse and how they’d talked all night. She’d told Alex about how Lena had promised that maybe they could have coffee or a burger, and for the first time since Lena’s blow up at the award ceremony, there was light in her sister’s eyes again. As far as Alex knew Kara and Lena hadn’t had that coffee or burger yet, but Lena had texted Kara. ‘Heard you’re in Gotham. Be Careful. Gotham can be a scary and dangerous place, even for you.’ Kara had flown all the way from Gotham in the middle of the night to show Alex the text, only to fly straight back to Gotham ten minutes later.

Kara had also told her about Lena and Lillian, and Alex’s first impulse was to rush over and demand Lena give her Lillian’s location, and to chew her out for hiding this from them. Alex had put a lot of time and money into finding Lillian, and to be left out of the loop this way had pissed her off. Kara and Kelly convinced her to hold off, to let Lena reach out to her, so she waited. Alex knew that Lena was seeing Kelly as a therapist, which she highly approved of, so she trusted Kelly when she told Alex to wait. Alex understood that Lena giving her this information now had a lot to do with her actually working on her trust issues, and she was proud of Lena for it. “Thank you, Lena.” She said with a warm, supportive smile. “I know after everything that’s happened, trusting me with this is a pretty big thing for you. So I appreciate this.” 

Kelly was a great therapist and Alex had no doubt that she would be able to help Lena. But Alex was a pretty damn good big sister and she also knew that sometimes, you just had to stop treating someone with kid gloves. If she wanted things to improve between herself and Lena, she had to stop treating Lena like she was fragile. “With that said,” Alex’s voice turned firm and raised in volume a little. “What the hell were you thinking?! Taking this on by yourself?” Lena blinked at her, startled. “Keeping Lillian incarcerated is not your responsibility, Lena!” Alex continued. “You don’t owe that woman a damn thing! And you have got to stop holding yourself accountable for her crimes, or Lex’s crimes, or your father’s!” Alex’s words weren’t meant to be anything cruel or mean or to push buttons, they were simply meant to scold and to remind Lena that she was cared about by people who weren’t out to use or abuse her. “And putting her up in the lap of luxrary, after everything’s she’s done to you, and her victims, and their families, that’s bullshit Lena, fucking bullshit, and you fucking know it.” 

At first Lena was angry. How dare Alex come in here and berate her after what she’d just given her! But then she realized this was just Alex being Alex, protective and loud, and right in what she was saying. It’s why she’d come to the decision to give Alex the flash drive. She was trying to sort through the differences between redeeming the Luthor name, and taking the sins of her family onto herself. Lena’s voice was firm but soft as spoke while looking up at Alex as the other woman towered over her desk glaring at her in a way Lena didn’t fully comprehend. Alex’s face was full of anger, concern, annoyance, and strained patience. “I made sure she wouldn’t be able to escape and hurt more people the way Lex did. She has a small chip implanted at the base of her skull, a more humane version of something created by an old thorn in J’onn’s side. It will render her immobilized if she leaves the perimeter coded into the chip.”

“You lockjacked shock collared her?” Alex asked after giving that a few moments of thought.

Lena nodded. “Something like that, yes. The site can be retooled into a DEO detention center, not a full prison, but it’ll work for a select few.” Lena sighed softly as she stood and walked over to get a glass of water from her wet bar. “I know who my mother is, Alex. I know the kind of person she is, and the horrible things she’s done.”

“But she’s the woman who raised you, and despite everything she’s done, you can’t help how you feel about your mother.” Alex offered when Lena faltered in trying to explain. 

Lena nodded. “I hate it, Alex. I hate that I feel anything for her at all. She certainly doesn’t deserve my love. I know that. But, knowing things and feeling things don’t always align the way they should.” 

“You have a whole company behind you to help you try and make this a better world, Lena.” Alex said as she watched the other woman. “You also have friends, people who actually care about you, no strings attached. You should have let us have your back when you tried to save the world from Lillian and Lex.” Lena opened her mouth to argue but Alex held up her hand and shook her head. “You weren’t mad at us when you decided to go to Lex’s lair on your own. You put yourself in grave danger, Lena, and I should totally kick your ass for that! Do you have any idea how devastated the people who care about you would have been if things had turned out differently and he’d killed you?” 

Lena saw in Alex’s eyes that one of those people was Alex herself and it made her drop her head. “I wasn’t thinking…” 

“No you weren’t.” Alex snapped at her. 

The tension between them grew until Lena finally looked up at Alex and said, “I’m sorry, Alex. I’ve made a lot of mistakes over the last year and I’m sorry.” 

Alex let out a deep, slow, sigh. “We have all made mistakes, Lena, so apology accepted. Now the important thing is that we learn from those mistakes, and from here on out we try and do better.” 

Do better. How had she gotten so far off from doing better than her family had done, and being a better person they could ever be? Alex’s words lingered in Lena’s mind unrelentingly. So after Alex had gone, leaving her with her emotions and thoughts swarming all over the place, she’d grabbed her bag and told Jess she needed some air. She made her way to the park, found a quiet little spot with a bench, took out her notebook, and began to write. She did her best to do what Kelly had said, she tried not to analyze as she wrote, she simply wrote. By the time she felt as if she’d gotten it all out, she had word vomited all over four full pages, front and back. Then she took a deep breath, tossed the notebook back into her bag, stood up and just started walking the paths through the park, taking in her surroundings. Surprisingly, Lena actually felt a bit lighter.

The park still bore some scars from the fighting during the Crisis, and makeshift memorials had sprung up around them. As Lena approached one of those areas she spotted a familiar figure keeping a respectful distance as she quietly snapped pictures with her ever present camara. Lena smiled warmly as she watched Donna work, the focus on her face, the kindness and compassion in her eyes. When Donna spotted her they exchanged smiles and began walking towards each other. Lena rolled her eyes when Donna took a picture of her. “I thought you were in Metropolis soothing things over with the Daily Planet over Lois Lane’s exclusive.” 

“I was.” Donna replied as they hugged each other warmly in greeting. “I just got back an hour or so ago.” 

“Does this mean everything’s sorted out?” Lena asked, an inquisitive eyebrow raised. 

“Thanks to Sam.” Donna nodded. “She’s remarkable, Lena. Brilliant, clever, determined, strong willed, and lets not forget drop dead gorgeous.” 

Lena laughed. “She is all those things and more, including straight.” 

Donna snorted and waved her hand dismissively. “So is spaghetti until you get it wet.” 

“Donna!” Lena choked out a laugh. Then she shook her head and asked, “How did you two manage to sooth out the Planet’s ruffled feathers?” 

They began walking towards the park entrance closest to L-Corp as Donna explained, “Their biggest issue was that their star reporter was giving the exclusive to the competition, which was a stretch, because a daily newspaper and a high end monthly magazine aren’t the same things. But Perry White kept trying to use Lois’s contact to throw up roadblocks to CatCo getting the story, apparently she isn’t contractually allowed to work for a competing publication.” 

“How did you work around that?” Lena asked, her eyebrow going a bit further into her hairline when Donna gave her a sheepish look. “Donna?” 

Donna flashed Lena a cheesy grin as she announced, “You now own the Daily Planet.” 

Lena stopped walking and blinked. “I what?” 

“Sam bought it out, placing it under the ownership of CatCo Worldwide.” Donna explained. “Thereby voiding the competing publication clause in Lois Lane’s contract.” 

“How did that solution come about?” Lena asked. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to laugh or shake her head. 

“Over a lot of wine and late nights in Sam’s office.” Donna said with a laugh. 

Lena smiled at her friend. “And you were worried you wouldn’t be any good at this whole business thing. That was quite an accomplishment, Donna. We will have to celebrate.” 

“Come over tonight.” Donna said with a warm smile. “I’ll cook and give you all the details.” 

“Sounds good.” Lena agreed. Donna walked her back to her office before heading across town to CatCo. Heading up to her office Lena settled in to finish the day’s workload, but just before she lost herself in spreadsheets and department reports, she picked up her phone without thinking and shot a text off to Kara. ‘Apparently I now own your cousin's newspaper.’ The reply came back a few minutes later. ‘What? How? When?’ Lena replied, ‘Not sure of all the details yet, it’s Donna and Sam’s deal.’ Another few minutes past before Kara’s reply. ‘Cat’s going to be jealous.’ Came first and then another right behind it, this one with a sad face emoji. ‘I miss Sam and Ruby.’ Lena nodded her agreement as if Kara could see her. ‘Me too.’ 

Texting seemed like the safest way for them to carefully reach out to one another for now. Lena still had a lot of things to sort out before she could really focus on mending things with Kara. Things like dealing with what she’d done to Donna. Donna had said she was alright with being used the way Lena had used her, but that couldn’t have been true, and even if by some chance it was true, Lena wasn’t alright with it. 

Donna’s apartment was near the water with a beautiful view of the harbor from the floor to ceiling windows. Donna liked being near the water and Lena figured it had to do with growing up on an island. Donna had told her she’d brought wine home from the island after her recent visit so Lena didn’t need to bring any, but Lena wasn’t about to come empty handed so she had one of Donna’s favorite restaurants whip up some of the raspberry cream puffs and chocolate cakelettes Lena knew Donna loved. While Donna’s building didn’t have a doorman or onsite security like Lena’s, it did have a video buzzer system, so Donna had to buzz Lena in. Which meant that she knew Lena was on her way up so why not unlock her door ahead of time. So it wasn’t necessarily Donna calling out come in after she’d knocked on the apartment door that struck Lena as she stepped inside, it was the random realization as to why Kara never locked her door. Lena rolled her eyes. Of course Supergirl wouldn’t lock her door. 

“Hey.” Donna greeted warmly as she walked out of the kitchen while wiping her hands on a dish towel. “What’s that?” 

“Hi.” Lena smiled as she offered up the brown bag from the restaurant. “Dessert.” 

Donna laughed as she accepted the hostess gift. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to come over without bringing something even though I said you didn’t have too.” 

Lena smiled sheepishly as she shrugged out of her coat. “Blame it on my breeding.” 

“Dinner is almost ready, make yourself at home. Beer or wine? I brought both back with me.” Donna asked. 

“Wine.” Lena replied. “I’m looking forward to trying Amazonian wine.” Donna nodded with a warm smile then disappeared back into the kitchen. “It smells wonderful, Donna.” Donna’s reply was a bit muffled and it made Lena chuckle as she settled onto the sofa to wait for her friend. Not long after she sat back against the plush pillows she was joined by a beautiful gray tabby cat. “Oh.” She said softly as the cat sat on the arm of the sofa staring at her with eyes so bright they made her own seem dim in comparison. “Hello. Who might you be?” 

“That’s Minerva.” Donna said as she approached, stretching out her arm to offer Lena her drink. 

Lena’s smile was bright as she chuckled. “As in McGonagall?” 

“Despite what my sister thinks, yes.” Donna said with amusement as she joined Lena on the sofa. “What kind of Gryffindor would I be if I didn’t name a gray tabby after my head of house.” 

“Where does Diana think the name came from?” Lena asked before sipping her wine. Her bright jade eyes widened a bit at how good it was. “Donna this is amazing.” 

Donna beamed proudly at the compliment and then she chuckled. “Di has an old, let's call her a friendenemy, named Minerva with a cat fetish. She thinks I was trying to be a smartass.”

When Minerva came over to Lena and butted her hand with her little head for a pet Lena smiled. “Well, I must say she is much cuter and less scary than the last pet I remember you having.” 

“You mean Kaa?” Donna replied. She huffed at Lena and pointed to a hallway behind them with a jerk of her thumb. “She’s in the den.” 

Lena’s eyes went wide as she turned her attention from the soft purring cat to the woman beside her on the sofa. “You’re joking. You still have her?” 

“Of course I do!” Donna replied. “Pythons live thirty to forty years, and she was just a baby when I got her in college.”

“You were not traveling the world with a snake in your bag.” Lena tried hard not to sudder. Donna’s choice of pet had always given her the creeps. She’d never understood Donna’s interest in such an odd pet.

“Of course not.” Donna replied. “She either stayed with Diana or my friend Gar.” 

“Aren’t you worried she might eat the cat?” Lena asked. 

Donna laughed. “No. Kaa is in the very best enclosure the insane amount of money you pay me can buy. It’s secure, and she loves it.” 

They talked and laughed as Donna told Lena about Metropolis until Donna needed to disappear into the kitchen again to finish dinner. Lena decided to explore the apartment now that it seemed as if Donna had settled in for the long haul. Of course there were plenty of photographs, both personal and art prints, some taken by Donna herself and others by artists she admired. In one of the personal photos Donna stood beside an older dark haired woman who was about a foot taller than Donna but had the same bright blue eyes; Diana. In another she sat on a beach towel beside a young man around her own age with dark brown hair, and dark hazel eyes. He looked vaguely familiar, and for a moment Lena thought his name might be Richard or something similar. Another picture, this one taken in what looked like a bar, had Donna, the young man from the beach, a young man with sandy blonde hair and a beard, a petite woman with white blonde hair, and an all american looking jock of a young man. They all had their arms around each other’s waists and huge happy smiles. Given Donna’s age in the picture it had to have been taken sometime around their years at MIT. 

Sure enough in Donna’s den there was a huge beautifully crafted enclosure that housed a spotted python who looked to be about five feet long. “Well you’ve gotten bigger since the last time I saw you.” Lena said to the dozing snake inside. She shivered a bit when Kaa looked at her, and tried really hard to ignore the snake’s presence as she made her way over to the bathroom Donna had converted into a darkroom. In Donna’s bedroom Lena found a well loved old stuffed kangaroo that had a little gold headband tiara and gold cuff bracelets just like the ones worn by Wonder Woman. The toy’s name was Jumpa and had been a gift from Donna’s sister, the first thing Donna had ever owned from ‘man’s world’. It was clear from Jumpa’s condition that Donna continued to take her stuffed companion with her everywhere, a well traveled and well loved old friend indeed. 

“So what do you think?” Donna asked when Lena returned to the living room. 

“You’ve really settled in.” Lena smiled warmly. “I’m glad.”

Dinner was wonderful. Donna didn’t cook often but when she did she was really good at it. After they polished off their desserts the pair settled onto Donna’s sofa with a bit more wine. That’s when Lena turned to Donna and said, “Donna, I owe you an apology.” 

“For what?” Donna asked as she shifted a bit so she could look at Lena a little easier. 

“For using you to hurt Kara.” Lena replied, her head dropping and her eyes closing, unable to look at her friend. 

“Lena.” Donna said, with a shake of her head. They didn’t need to do this. “We’ve already…” 

“No.” Lena said shaking her own head and looking up. “Knowing what I was doing and going along with it for my sake doesn’t mean that what I did didn’t hurt you. You’re a Wonder, Donna, isn’t the truth a big thing with you Wonders?” She paused and Donna nodded. “Then be honest with me. Why did you go along with it? Why let yourself be used in such a spiteful way?” 

Donna sat there quietly for a long time as she thought about what to say. Lena was right, her mother and Diana had raised her to respect the truth, so that’s what she did. She respected her truth. “After Terry’s funeral I went back to our apartment and packed up my camera equipment and one carry-on sized bag. I took Kaa to Gar, spent the night with Diana, and then I started running. I ran from country to country losing myself in one conflict after another. It was easier to deal with the pain and suffering of others than it was to face my own. The only emotion I allowed myself to give in too was my anger, which eventually led me to getting in over my head.” Donna paused for a moment to allow the memories to surface, taking comfort and strength in them. “I ended up having to ask for help, so I contacted my friend Kory, who dropped everything and came to get me out of the trouble I’d gotten myself into.” 

Lena watched as Donna looked over to one of the photos she had around her apartment, her friend’s dark eyes settling on a framed picture of herself and a dark skinned woman with vibrant red hair. Donna was sitting on the hood of a Jeep, a brown bottle held in her hand, a variety of what looked like tacos spread out beside her on the hood, her feet resting on the bumper. Kory sat on the bumper between Donna’s feet, smiling, her arm resting on Donna’s thigh, a clear bottle of golden beer in her own hand. 

“Kory stayed with me, traveled with me, and I used her powers as an outlet for my anger.” Donna continued. “Kory is incredibly powerful, and her powers can be devastating, which seemed to match my anger so much better than my own powers ever could. There were times, and Hera knows I’m not proud of this, but there were times when I let my anger and need push her until her powers were drained. Slowly my anger finally burned away, leaving me feeling cold, numb, and Kory was there for me then too. Kory reminded me that I wasn’t alone, that I had people who cared about me, who loved me, and for those precious couple of hours in her bed, I didn’t hurt.” 

Donna looked at Lena, looked into her friend’s eyes. “So, to get back to your question. Did I like being used to hurt Kara? No, of course I didn’t. That was petty, spiteful, bitchy, and mean, and you know it. Why did I go along with it?” Donna sighed. “Because I know what it feels like to be lost and drowning in a dark, cold, sea of emotions. I know how it feels, that tightness in your chest and the tension in your body when it feels like your next breath will be the one that floods your lungs and drowns you. I know what it feels like to grab hold of an outstretched hand that pulls you back to the surface, and how it feels to cling to someone who is safe, and loving, and will do what they can to help until you can manage on your own.” Reaching out Donna took Lena’s hand in her own and held it firmly. “I was raised with love and joy all around me, Lena. My mother, my aunt, my sister, they all taught me how to deal with all the possibilities of life they could think of. But I still fell into a dark place and I didn’t handle things well.”

Lena snorted softly, her eyes glimmering with tears. “What hope did I have being raised by the Luthors, huh? That’s not an excuse, Donna.” 

“No, but it’s a factor in why you did what you did.” Donna replied. “And because I know you’re trying to do better for yourself, I will accept your apology on one condition, you keep trying to do better for yourself. Deal?” 

“Deal.” Lena said with a nod and then gladly accepted the hug Donna pulled her into. 

During her next session with Kelly, Lena sank into the chair across from the other woman and sighed as she pulled out her notebook. She’d done far more writing than she’d expected, and while she had a lot she wished to dissuess the one thing that lingered in her mind was, “I don’t understand. After everything I did Alex and Donna both admitted they were angry and hurt, but they forgave me. I don’t get it.”

“They love you Lena.” Kelly said gently. “And when you love someone you don’t give up on them just because they may have lost their way for awhile. Unconditional love, Lena, is unconditional. Alex, Donna, Kara, they aren’t Lillian or Lex or your father, you don’t have to earn their love, you simply have it. You don’t have to beg or barter for forgiveness, you ask for it with sincerity and it’s given, perhaps there are repercussions, penties, or perhaps not, either way once forgiveness is given it’s a clean slate, and you can move forward with a stronger friendship and a stronger self.” 

Lena listened, she took in what Kelly was saying, and she hoped Kelly was right. She hoped that despite everything she’d done, the people who truly mattered would be there when she was finally ready to have them fully back in her life where they belonged.


End file.
